


Heartbeats

by farmgirl428



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Ass Play, Discussion of Abortion, EVERYONE'S A DOCTOR, F/M, Fluff, House Hunting, In a hospital!, One Night Stand, Oral Sex, Pregnancy, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-01-29 05:51:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12624603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farmgirl428/pseuds/farmgirl428
Summary: Cassian Andor and Jyn Erso are physicians working in the same hospital. A wild night at a work event leads to a one-night stand, but what comes after that is even more unexpected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first RebelCaptain fic, and really my first fanfic ever! I loooove these characters, and I identify so strongly with Jyn, so this story has been a lot of fun to play with. Enjoy!
> 
> Also a big shoutout to my betas, RebsRising and OhStardustGirl, thank you so much for all your help!

            Dr. Jyn Erso stepped onto the elevator, clutching her cup of coffee like it was the only thing that mattered. She was rushing down to the pathology lab to chat with the pathologist about results for her patients. A lot of doctors in the hospital were more than happy to take e-mailed pathology reports and do consults over the phone, but Jyn was always most comfortable conversing face-to-face. There was something so anonymous and disingenuous about an e-mailed report. She liked for other specialists to remember that her patients were people that she cared about, not just another case.

            And if it gave her an excuse to see Dr. Cassian Andor’s handsome face… well, that was just an added bonus.

            Pushing the button to go down the elevator, she leaned back and sighed. Jyn loved her career as a pediatric oncologist, but there were days where the cases would tear out your heart and stomp it flat. Today had the potential to be one of those days.  

            She was stirred out of her thoughts by the elevator’s doors sliding open. Stepping into the pathology lab, she was greeted with the smell of formalin and tissue blocks. The odor didn’t particularly bother Jyn, but she could see why many of her colleagues avoided coming down here. The groan from the far corner of the lab told her that her presence had been detected. She rolled her eyes at the source of the groan (Dr. Art Kay, a pathologist who found her an endless nuisance), and turned her focus to the quiet pathologist working steadily at his bench. The bench was well organized, with patient records stacked neatly on wire separators, and slides precisely laid out side-by-side.

            Even with his back turned, Dr. Cassian Andor created a striking profile. Tall, lean, all sharp angles and edges. His eyes had a perpetual look of curiosity, and his unruly hair contrasted with his tightly-wound personality. Jyn had had a bit of a crush on Cassian for a while, although she hadn’t admitted it to anyone, not even herself. Always wary of romantic entanglements, and even more leery of the idea of sleeping with a colleague, Jyn kept her feelings tightly locked down. Instead she settled for this- early mornings over cups of coffee in the pathology lab, collaborating on cases and chatting pleasantly. These moments with Cassian were the calm in the storm of her day. Spending hours being barraged with tense conversations, emotional parents, and frightened children was taxing, and Cassian’s quiet, steadying presence was a welcome relief.

* * *

 

            “Ugh, she’s BACK,” exclaimed Kay from over by the cryostat.

            Dr. Cassian Andor smirked and shook his head, turning back to the lens of his microscope. If one was looking for proof that pathologists have no people skills, Kay would be Exhibit A.  Kay had no concept of subtlety, and made no secret of his dislike for Dr. Jyn Erso. Jyn had thoroughly questioned Kay on one too many cases, something he considered an insult to his skill set, rather than a physician doing due diligence. After an argument broke out that Cassian felt sure would end with one of them having a scalpel to the heart, Cassian made the unilateral decision to handle all of Jyn’s cases. Not that he minded. He had gotten off to a rocky start with the feisty pediatric oncologist, but Cassian now looked forward to her drop-ins at the laboratory.

            “Good morning to you too, Dr. Kay!” Jyn replied in a faux-cheerful voice.

            “Good morning, Dr. Erso,” said Cassian, “Are you here to review results for your cases lined up today?”

            Jyn grinned. “You know me too well.”

            Cassian waved her over to his bench. “Where do you want to start?’

            Jyn rummaged through her notes. “Mmmm…. let’s start with the Jarik case.”

            Cassian sighed, “This one has been disappointing. I looked at the latest bone marrow aspirate, and reviewed the blood smear myself after the hematologist looked at it. Hypercellular bone marrow with abnormally high proportion of lymphoblasts. Blood smear shows decreased red blood cells and increased lymphoblasts, with basophilic stippling on some red blood cells, indicating a non-regenerative anemia. Looking at this, it seems likely that Valerie has come out of remission with acute lymphoblastic leukemia.”  

            “Damn it” Jyn murmured, “She just finished her course of maintenance chemo three months ago.”

            Cassian glanced over at her, saw the flash of disappointment in her eyes, and felt a tightening in his chest. He always hated to be the bearer of bad news, but it was especially hard when it was Jyn. She was so passionate about her patients, such a strong advocate- it was one of the qualities he admired most in her. Unfortunately, those qualities meant that she took the bad news harder than some might, though she would never show it to others. He waited quietly while she finished taking notes on his findings, then Jyn asked him to e-mail her a list of recommended follow-up diagnostics so that she could get started on a treatment plan to review with the family.  

* * *

 

            Jyn was finishing writing out notes for her fifth case, when she picked her head up and saw Cassian looking at her. Her heart raced when they made eye contact. She saw him pull the last file out from beside his microscope, and he murmured “I saved the best for last.”

            “Mia Hamrick?”

            “I have here on my microscope a frozen section from the tumor Baze excised last week in surgery.”

            “And?!”

            Cassian grinned and gestured to his microscope, “You tell me, Dr. Erso.”

            Jyn let out an excited puff of air, and hurried over to the microscope, with Cassian just barely sliding out of the way in time to avoid a collision. She looked in through the lens and adjusted the focus, stared for about a minute, then looked at Cassian, excitement sparkling in her eyes. He grinned back at her.

            “Clean margins, Cassian? Am I seeing this correctly?!”

            He loved it when Jyn said his name, his first name. It made him feel like they were more than friendly work colleagues, like he might have a chance with her. And if he came hard into his hand some nights thinking of her moaning his name, that was no one’s business but his own.

            “Cassian?”

            He was stirred out of his reverie with a curious glance from Jyn and a touch to his hand. It tingled even after she pulled hers back. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

“Yes, clean margins. Make sure to give Baze a big pat on the back for this one. Excellent job. Now that it has been excised cleanly, her prognosis should be quite good.”

            Jyn smiled, and scribbled a few notes in her notebook. She grabbed her coffee mug, thanked Cassian, and rushed back to the elevator. The air of the room cooled as the elevator doors slid shut- or maybe it was just him.

If you had told him a year ago that he would be nursing a serious crush on Jyn Erso, he would have laughed you out of his office.

_1 year ago_

            Cassian was sitting at his microscope, quietly reviewing a frozen tissue section, when he heard the elevator open. He turned around, and saw a pretty brunette with bright green eyes step out.

            “Is Dr. Andor here?” she asked, her mouth a thin line.

            Cassian picked up his hand and waved. The woman marched over to his bench, and slammed a report on the table in front of him.

            “I’m Dr. Jyn Erso, the new pediatric oncologist on staff here. This is a report that you did for one of my patients, Lily Kerns.”

            Cassian blinked at the report, and slowly opened it. His eyes scanned across the page, searching for any mistakes. He prided himself on his attention to detail in his reports, and rarely received complaints. Finally, he looked up at Dr. Erso.

            “I’m sorry, I’m not entirely sure why you are bringing this report back to me. Do you disagree with any of my findings?”

            “Lily is a sixteen-year-old girl who presented to Dr. Organa in gynecology for hirsutism, clitoromegaly, and abdominal swelling and tenderness. Dr. Organa found an enlarged left ovary on ultrasound, and removed it, then sent the ovary and aspirate of a growth on the ovary to you for examination. She asked me to consult on the case because she felt that it may be a Sertoli cell tumor. Your top differential based on histopathology was a stromal luteoma.”

            “And?”

            “You’re wrong. There is no way this could be a stromal luteoma. Wrong signalment, and the results on the sex hormone panel aren’t consistent with that differential. You need to re-evaluate the frozen section and aspirate.”

            Cassian scowled, now genuinely irritated. “Dr. Draven, our chief of pathology, examined this section himself, and felt that it was most likely a stromal luteoma.”

            Jyn scoffed. “So do you automatically accept a differential just because that’s what your superior says it is? You may as well be an automated slide reader.”

            Cassian slammed an open hand on the bench top, and stood up, glaring down at her with a stormy grimace on his face. Jyn met his gaze, fearless and unyielding, heat flaring in green eyes.

            “I did a three-year residency and three-year fellowship in pathology. You don’t know what you are talking about. You’ve suddenly taken an interest in my work when it’s convenient to criticize me, but I live and breathe this every day. I can’t afford to make mistakes.”

            Jyn was silent for a moment, a look of genuine disappointment in her eyes. It cut right through him, though he barely knew her. She shrugged her shoulders, and murmured, “Your diagnosis is incorrect- you can’t talk your way around this.”

            She tossed another sheaf of his papers next to his microscope, spun on her heel, and walked back towards the elevator. Right before she stepped on, she called over her shoulder, “Some light reading for you. Look at the damn section again.”

* * *

 

            In the following hours, Cassian stewed on his disagreement with Dr. Erso. He initially didn’t want to pull out the sections again, or read the papers she had left for him. Her demeanor, her presumptuousness, her assumptions about his motives and skill set, grated at him. But as Cassian continued to stew on it, he remembered the advice of one of his mentors, Dr. Carlist Rieekan.

            “ _Cassian, the biggest danger to a patient is an arrogant physician.”_

            With those words buzzing through his mind, he went to the freezer, and pulled out the sections cut from Lily’s ovary. He grabbed his well-worn histopathology text, and mounted the section back on his microscope. He turned on NPR in the background, and leaned forward to the microscope lens. Zooming in, he glanced at the photos in his open histo text. Back to the microscope. Back to the book. Five minutes he carried on like this, before murmuring, “ _Mierda_.”

            Dr. Erso was right. It was a Sertoli cell tumor. He put his head in his hand, and sighed heavily. Rolling his chair up to his desk, he pulled up the report that he had previously typed up. It was time to eat crow.

            Jyn had just left the room with a patient and family, and took a deep breath, as if hoping a strong exhale could expel all the sadness that lingered in her body. This day was rapidly going to shit. Between her argument with the arrogant pathologist that morning, and having to tell a family that their child’s cancer was no longer treatable, her first week in this new job was not going well.

Eyes closed, she felt a light touch on her shoulder. She opened them again to see a skinny man in scrubs and a ponytail standing to her left.

            “Umm..Dr. Erso?”

            “That’s me.”

            “Hi, I’m Bodhi Rook. I’m one of the nurses on your floor.”

            “Nice to meet you. What’s up?”

            “Umm…Dr. Andor is in your office. Said he wanted to speak to you.”

            “ _Shit,_ _”_ Jyn swore. She blinked when she saw Bodhi cringe away from her. She put a hand on his arm, and said, “Thanks for letting me know, Bodhi. It really was nice to meet you. I’ll be in my office if anyone is looking for me.”

            Jyn all but stomped back to her office, formulating acid retorts and sarcastic jabs in her head as she went. When she arrived at her office, she swept in and snapped, “What now?”

            Dr. Andor blinked at her, then _smirked._ Actually had the nerve to _smirk._ Jyn stood in front of him, arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently. Slowly, Dr. Andor pulled out a couple of pieces of paper, stapled together.

            “Dr. Erso, I came by to bring you my revised pathology report on Lily Kerns’ case. It seems you were right- the histopathology was consistent with a Sertoli cell tumor.”

            Jyn let out a puff of air and rocked a little on her heels. She had not expected _this._ She took the report from Dr. Andor, carefully reading through his revised findings. When she was done, she looked back at him appraisingly.

            “I’m not used to people admitting when they’ve messed up. Or sticking around long enough to correct their mistakes.”

            Cassian gave her a hint of a smile, just barely there. Holding out his hand to shake hers, he said, “Welcome home, Dr. Erso.”

_Present_

“ _Empathy,_ Carrie. The key in these kinds of discussions is empathy.”

            Jyn was getting ready to do her morning appointments. She liked to take one resident with her into meetings with the family. She also had Bodhi with her- he was the best nurse on her floor, and he was incredible with the children and teens in their care. With the way Bodhi spoke and stuttered, some might make the mistake of thinking that he was fragile. Jyn knew that this wasn’t true. Bodhi was a rock, the one who held children filled with fear and told them that everything would be okay. One of the slim few whom Jyn felt she could be vulnerable with. 

            Bodhi opened the door, the Wyatts right behind him looking quite nervous. Jyn gestured for them to sit down, and took a deep breath before having to explain to them that their three-year-old son’s neuroblastoma had metastasized to his lymph nodes. The cancer had progressed further, making it more difficult to treat, especially from a surgical perspective. Jyn held hands, passed tissues, and reassured the family that they should not give up hope yet. “After all, strong recoveries are built on hope.”

            After reviewing new treatment options and diagnostics with the Wyatts, Jyn quietly opened the door to her office and quickly gestured for Chirrut, the grief counselor assigned to her floor, to come in.

            “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Wyatt. Perhaps you would like to come have a cup of tea in my office, where we can discuss all of this some more?”

            They nodded, and Chirrut gently escorted them out to his office at the end of the pediatric oncology ward.

            Chirrut was another rock on her floor. Blind since the age of three, Chirrut’s vision had been taken from him by pediatric retinoblastoma. While he recovered fully from the cancer, he never regained his sight. Rather than becoming bitter about it, Chirrut worked hard to help children struggling with similar experiences to his own childhood. In addition to serving as grief counselor for this floor, he also ran a martial arts program for children experiencing pediatric cancers and immune system issues. Chirrut’s constant sense of positivity brightened the spirits of the entire floor, and he leant strength to families that desperately needed it.

            Finally, they came to the one appointment that Jyn had truly been looking forward to that morning. When Mia Hamrick’s parents walked in through the office door, Jyn couldn’t contain her smile.

            “I have great news about Mia. Histopathology results came back, and the tumor that we removed was excised with clean margins. Based on that, and how early we caught it, she should make a full recovery.”

            Mia’s parents burst into tears, holding each other tight. Jyn had to look away; the moment was too painfully sweet for her. She had all but given up on the idea of finding someone who she could trust enough to love, and kids didn’t seem to be in the cards for her either. It may be for the best. She wasn’t sure what kind of mother she would be; she’d never had an example.         

            A touch to her hand pulled Jyn back out of her thoughts. Mrs. Hamrick was looking at Jyn from across the desk.

            “Thank you, Dr. Erso. We really can’t thank you enough.”

            Jyn smiled, and blushed a little, uncomfortable with the attention. “Shall we go see Mia?”

            They made their way to the exam room where Bodhi and Mia were playing with the toy dolls she brought with her. Jyn’s heart tightened for a moment when she saw that the dolls’ heads were shaved to look like Mia’s.

            Jyn crouched down next to Mia, and gently said, “Hi Mia- how are you feeling today?”

            Mia turned around and grinned at Jyn, showing off gaps where she had lost baby teeth.  “I’m feeling good! But my head kinda hurts where they opened it up.”

            Jyn hummed sympathetically. “Can I take a peek?”

            Mia nodded, but when Jyn began to examine the area around the sutures with her fingers, Mia had a sharp intake of breath. Jyn did feel like the site looked a bit inflamed, and it didn’t escape her notice that Mia reached out and grabbed Bodhi’s hand when Jyn prodded around the wound. She was a very brave little girl- she didn’t cry before or after her surgery, and never cried when getting her blood drawn.

            “I’d like for one of the wound care specialists to come up and take a look at the surgery site before you leave today.”

            “Can Bodhi stay with me? He’s my favorite,” asked Mia.

            Jyn looked at Bodhi and nodded her head. Then Jyn turned back to Mia and said, “Bodhi can definitely stay with you. And because you’ve been so brave, today and every day, I brought a little something for you.” Out of the pocket of her white coat she produced a little medal. It said “I beat cancer” around the circumference of the circle, and in the middle, Mia’s name was inscribed.

            Mia grinned, and let Jyn slip the medal around her neck, before throwing her arms around Jyn’s waist. “Thank you, Dr. Erso. You’re my favorite doctor here.”

            Jyn smiled back, gently placing a hand on the side of Mia’s head that wasn’t sutured closed. This was why she did what she did. Jyn _hated_ sick adults, and frequently questioned her decision to become a physician during her clinical rotations in third and fourth year of medical school. But she had a huge soft spot for children- she loved their innocence, their imagination, their hopefulness. As soon as she did her pediatrics rotation in third year, she knew that her initial instinct to apply for pediatric residencies had been the right one. She had never regretted her choice.

 

            Later, in the break room, Jyn quietly unpacked the Mexican food that she and Bodhi had delivered to the hospital. She passed him a massive chicken burrito, and then pulled out her own steak burrito, cradling it like her firstborn child. After a few minutes of eating in silence, Bodhi broke it (Bodhi _always_ broke the silence).

            “Are you going to the hospital mixer tonight?”

            Jyn made a face, an impressive feat with the amount of meat and cheese stuffed in her cheeks. Bodhi snorted. “No, I don’t think I’ll go. I’d rather be home, reading, have a beer.... or three. Plus, I am tired as hell. This week has been killer.”

            Bodhi rolled his eyes. “Come on Jyn, you NEVER go. Then I’m the awkward person sitting at the table, trying to hit on Luke Skywalker unsuccessfully while simultaneously observing Han and Leia eye fucking each other from across the table. Please come. It will be so much more fun with you there.”

            Jyn shook her head, swallowed, and said, “Why don’t you just come back to my place? We can watch Netflix and get drunk together.”

            Bodhi glared. “You need to be more social. You’ve been in this hospital a year and the only people you really know well enough to talk to regularly about non-medical stuff are me and Leia.  I don’t even think you know half of the nurses on this floor.”

            Jyn piped up to protest, when Bodhi pointed his finger at one of the nurses walking by. “Who’s she?!”

            “Ummm… Winter?”

            “No, Winter is one of Leia’s nurses in L&D. Just admit it. You don’t know her.”

            Jyn rolled her eyes, “Fine. I don’t know her. But I’m not really a party type of person.”

            “Well, it’s not that different than what you do most Friday nights. You’ll just be drinking around other people instead of drinking by yourself.”

            “Fine. I’ll go to the damn party. But I’m NOT getting dressed up.”

            Bodhi did a little fist pump. Unbeknownst to both, Dr. Cassian Andor had passed by the break room on his way to a meeting. And while he hadn’t initially been planning to go to the mixer, he now felt like he had a very good reason to attend.

* * *

 

 

            That evening, Cassian found himself at one of the bars down the street from the hospital. Music was blasting, people were out on the dance floor, and hospital staff members were laughing and drinking at the bar. He only had eyes for one staff member. Jyn was across the room, sitting at the bar with Leia Organa, an OB/GYN, Han Solo, an orthopedic surgeon, Luke Skywalker, a psychiatrist, and Bodhi Rook, a pediatric oncology nurse. Cassian knew all of them, but was having trouble getting up the nerve to approach their group. He took another swig of his beer, hoping that it might give him the courage to finally walk over to them.

            Cassian rarely drank. While some people were exhilarated by the dizziness, silliness, and impulsivity associated with intoxication, he feared it. Inebriation made him feel like he had lost control. Him standing there, with a beer in hand, was just another representation of how Dr. Jyn Erso was constantly making him rethink his careful plans and strict rules.

            Meanwhile, Jyn was strategically seated between Luke and Leia. Bodhi was seated to the right of Luke, and Han was to the left of Leia. She was hoping that this would keep Bodhi out of the eye-fucking crossfire, and that he might finally get a chance to really get things going with Luke. Jyn thought that they would make a great couple, if Luke could just figure out that Bodhi was interested. Most days, he seemed totally oblivious, like his head was in the clouds.                 

            Leia nudged Jyn, and muttered, “Cassian Andor has been _staring_ at you for the past 20 minutes.”

            “I probably have something in my hair. Or maybe it’s just because I’m the only one here still wearing scrubs.”

            Leia rolled her eyes, “Stop being so damn thick. Han, don’t you think Cassian wants to fuck her?”

            Han leaned back, glanced over in Cassian’s direction for all of two seconds, and then looked back at Jyn, leering. “Yeah, sure looks like it to me.”

            Jyn blushed bright red. Cassian was ridiculously hot, but she didn’t really think he was interested in her like _that._

            This time Bodhi spoke up. “Jyn, go invite him over here. He looks so lonely! It’ll be more fun if you’re talking to him, instead of brooding at the bar.”

            Jyn didn’t really want to get up, but Leia slowly pushed her off the barstool. “Go get em!” whispered Bodhi conspiratorially. Han had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, while Luke seemed relatively placid about the whole situation.

            With a sigh, Jyn gulped down the rest of her beer, then made her way towards Cassian. Leia whooped a little too loudly; she really needed to lay off the vodka sodas.

            She made eye contact with him when he was a few steps away.

* * *

 

            Cassian watched carefully, trying his best to appear nonchalant, as Jyn nudged her way through the crowd towards him. Her face was flushed with drink and the warmth of the bar, and her eyes sparkled. It left him a little breathless.

            “Hey.”

            “Hi.”

            He observed as she shifted her weight, and her face reddened. He was sure it was from the heat emanating off the dance floor.

            “Ummm…would you like to come sit at the bar with us?”

Elation expanded behind his ribs at her invitation, his heart pounded a little faster, he could taste his excitement heady on his tongue. Trying to consciously ground himself in the heat of the moment, he directed his focus on Jyn.  She was still shifting her weight, and took her bottom lip between her teeth hesitantly. Her eyes skittered around the room, avoiding contact- avoiding rejection, he recognized. This rare moment of shyness from the spitfire pediatrician was endearing.

            “Sure.” Cassian smiled, and trailed behind Jyn back towards her rowdy group of friends. He wouldn’t admit it aloud, but he would follow Jyn almost anywhere if she asked it of him.

            “What are we drinking tonight?” Cassian asked, a playful edge to his voice.

            “Want to do shots of tequila?” proposed Jyn.

            Cassian rolled his eyes. “So American,” he huffed.

            “Cassian, you got your citizenship last year. You _are_ an American.”          

            “American in name only! I wouldn’t disgrace Mexico by taking shots of our favored drink.”

            Jyn pursed her lips, a little put out. “Okay. Well then. _I_ _’_ _ll_ take shots of tequila, and you can do shots of another liquor of my choosing.”

            Cassian grinned at her. “Fair enough. But I’ll almost certainly drink you under the table.”

            She was never one to back down from a challenge.

* * *

 

            “I can’t believe that you actually hired a stripper for one of your pathology professors!”

            Two hours later, Jyn was more than a little tipsy, Leia was sitting in Han’s lap at the bar, and Bodhi had dragged Luke out onto the dance floor with him. Han had just finished telling a story about how he and Wedge Antilles had hired a stripper to come into class on the birthday of an uptight pathology professor back in their med school days.

            “Believe it, sweetheart. It helped to get the stick out of his ass, anyways.”

             Jyn snorted. She had gone to medical school at Duke University on scholarship, so most of her “wild” stories were tame compared to Han’s. She had spent a lot of her time in medical school studying… or sleeping. She glanced over at Cassian. He was looking at her with a smile that was almost dopey, though she had a hard time calling anything the methodical pathologist did “dopey.”

            “How about you, Cassian? Any wild medical school stories?”

            He looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook his head, grinning. “No, nothing too wild. I was very studious. Although one time some friends of mine caught me sleeping in the library and managed to strip me out of everything but my underwear. They sent me on a scavenger hunt for it all the next morning. That was an embarrassing walk to my locker.”

            Jyn laughed a little too loudly, trying not to think of how sexy Cassian would look in his underwear. Attempting to clear her mind, Jyn looked out onto the dance floor. Bodhi and Luke were dancing goofily, trying out silly disco moves and laughing at each other. Cassian tapped her shoulder.

           “Another?” He held up a shot glass of tequila to her, raising an eyebrow daringly.

          “Oh, what the hell, why not,” Jyn relented. Cassian poured a little salt on her hand- and she licked it up, holding eye contact with him. Tossing back the liquid, feeling it burn down the back of her throat, she could sense the heat of his gaze on her. He handed her a wedge of lime, and while she sucked down the sour juice he brushed a lock of her hair out of her face.

          Breaking the tension, she called out to the bartender, “How about a shot of Jagermeister for my friend here?”

          Jyn caught the subtle shift in Cassian’s body language at the word “friend”. It didn’t seem that Cassian had too many of those- he mostly kept to himself. Kind of like her. It was no wonder that she kept to herself so often- when she and Cassian first sat at the bar, she spent a half hour excitedly discussing all her cases with him. It was only when Leia tugged her off to the bathroom that Jyn was gently reminded that it would be best to talk about something besides work. When she casually slid back onto the bar stool, she changed the subject to their tastes in music after a significant eyebrow raise from Leia.

         Jyn learned that Cassian loved Pink Floyd, Radiohead, and David Bowie. They laughed about a story Jyn told of a time that she broke her nose while sleepwalking, and Jyn nearly choked on her water when Cassian tried to imitate the Frenchman from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail._ Eventually, they had gotten roped into a greatly exaggerated retelling of Han Solo’s medical school exploits. Throughout the evening, Cassian and Jyn had shifted toward each other, and now their hands were only centimeters apart.

       Jyn glanced over at Han and Leia, who were making out against the bar. She peeked at Cassian out of the corner of her eye. He was still watching her, pupils wide, gaze scrutinizing in the best of ways. She sucked in a breath and looked back up at the line of glass bottles above the bar. Tendrils of desire swirled low in her belly. Maybe it was her best friend acting like a randy teen with her boyfriend, maybe it was the tequila, maybe it was because she hadn’t had sex with someone else in over two years, but Jyn suddenly felt _bold._ Turning back to Cassian, she extended her hand.

        “Care to dance?”

       Cassian didn’t hesitate to take her hand- she pulled him to the center of the floor, away from prying eyes on the edge. Something sultry played in the background, and Cassian pulled her back to his chest. She began to teasingly grind her ass against him, and she heard his soft groan in her ear. A bolt of pleasure traveled straight to her core. Snaking her arms around his corded neck, she tilted her head to one side, exposing the tender flesh. Cassian gently kissed and nipped her neck, rubbing his stubble along the back of it as he explored. Jyn gasped when he took the edge of her ear between his teeth. She turned around then, captured his eyes with her own. The heat in his gaze was unmistakable. Cassian tightened his grip on her, and she pressed her hips closer to his, communicating her desire. Jyn watched as arousal flickered across his face. In that moment, the fledgling tendre they held for one another sparked into a blaze. Cassian leaned forward, and Jyn met him, pressing her lips to his.

        What started as a tentative first kiss quickly grew into something wild. Cassian pulled her to him roughly, taking her jaw firmly in his hands, and Jyn nipped at his bottom lip in response. Spreading her thighs, she started to grind herself more aggressively against him, releasing a hiccup of pleasure when he pushed one of his legs firmly against her core. Something in the back of Jyn’s mind said that this was probably getting a little too heated for a work event, but she was too tipsy to care.

        Unfortunately, it appeared that Cassian’s mind was in the same vein. He slowly disentangled their limbs, bringing his hands to a more chaste spot at her waist. Sighing, Jyn rested her head against the firm plane of his chest, and Cassian distractedly ran his fingers up her spine. They swayed like that for a moment, held by the weight of unspoken attraction, before being interrupted by another loud whoop from Leia at the bar.

        They broke apart, and saw Leia, Han, and Bodhi all grinning at them. Luke had a little more discretion than the other three, but he had also had less to drink.

       “Come on, Jyn! Let’s do one more round of shots before the night ends!” called Leia.

         Jyn looked back at Cassian, and he shrugged. She walked back towards the bar, where Leia was ordering up another round of tequila shots. Jyn reached for the shot glass when Leia slapped her hand out of the way.

        “No! I have a fun idea!”

         Jyn rolled her eyes. Leia’s “fun ideas” when drunk often led to trouble.

        “I want us to do body shots.”

        Jyn felt her face heating up, and she looked back at Cassian, whose eyes had widened. His face quickly settled into something inscrutable, only slightly betrayed by the way his pupils had fattened into deep black pools. Luke also looked a little uncomfortable. Bodhi, on the other hand, seemed ridiculously enthusiastic.

        He broke the tension by announcing, “I’ll do shots with Luke!”

        “Alright, I’m in,” Jyn announced. “Cassian, are you game? Or are you still feeling too snobby to do a shot of tequila?” Her heart skipped a beat as she waited for his response to her teasing dare.

        He smirked. “I prefer the term ‘refined’. But I’m in.” She felt a little thrill of delight surge through her.  

        “So who goes first?” Bodhi asked

        Leia grinned. “Jyn, Bodhi, and I will do the first round of shots, and Cassian, Luke, and Han can do the second round of shots. And _I_ get to choose where the salt goes.”

        Jyn blushed furiously, even as her thighs pressed together in anticipation. She looked down for a moment, then gestured up to the bar at Cassian, his expression impassive except for a reddening on the tips of his ears. As he laid his lean body across the wood surface, her heart rate picked up.

* * *

 

            _How the hell did we end up here?_ When Jyn had approached him, face flushed and eyes wild, he had anticipated chatting with her, breaking down some of the walls that she maintained meticulously. The way their chemistry had escalated while they danced had his cock weeping in his pants like he was a teenager. He willed his body to cooperate, but the memories of Jyn pressing the length of her form against his on the dance floor made it difficult to maintain his equilibrium. He felt his self-control slip a little more at the thought of her mouth and tongue smoothing along his body. Han and Luke were also laying out on the bar, and Leia unceremoniously pulled open Han’s button-up shirt to pour a line of salt across his abdomen. After she had popped a lime wedge into Han’s mouth, she walked over to Cassian. Grinning deviously, she said, “Can you unbutton your shirt all the way?”

            Cassian’s fingers shook a little as he worked at the buttons, and he inhaled sharply when he realized that Leia was pouring the line of salt right above his waistband on his pants. She handed him a lime wedge, and moved on to Luke. Jyn grabbed a shot of tequila from off the bar, and he placed the wedge into his mouth.

* * *

 

            Jyn couldn’t help but giggle a little when she saw serious Cassian Andor trussed up on a bar with his shirt unbuttoned and a lime wedge in his mouth. But then she remembered that that would be her in a moment, and the snickers stopped abruptly.

            “Okay, on the count of 3,” Leia announced. “1… 2… 3!”

            Jyn walked over, leaned forward, and gingerly licked the trail of salt off Cassian’s lower abdomen. The sparse, coarse hairs on his stomach brushed against her lips. The taste of the salt had blended with the taste of Cassian’s skin, and Jyn could almost savor his arousal on her tongue. She heard his sharp intake of breath, felt his abdominal muscles flex, and when she sat back up, saw how she had stimulated him. She threw back the shot of tequila, and after swallowing, leaned towards Cassian’s face. He met her halfway, and she grabbed the lime from his mouth, siphoning down the tangy juice.

            In the aftermath, she bit her lip, waiting for his reaction. Gooseflesh prickled up and down her arms in nervous anticipation. He slowly sat up, slid down off the bar, and walked towards her with that same sexy intensity in his eyes. Jyn looked up at him, gravitating towards the fervent energy rolling off his body in waves. He placed his hand against the back of her neck, starting to draw her to him. As she leaned forward, Leia loudly cleared her throat. They turned towards her.

            “Jyn, it’s our turn! Get up on the bar.”

            Jyn tried to push herself up on the bar, but found that she was too short to get all the way up. She looked to Cassian, and said, “A little help?”

            He nodded, and put his hands on her waist, quickly lifting her up onto the bar. Han grabbed the salt shaker this time, and walked toward Leia, who was already pulling off her pretty pink blouse. Jyn’s face reddened as she grabbed the hem of her scrub top and pulled it off, throwing it on the bar stool beside her. Cassian’s eyes became impossibly darker as he drank her in. Jyn took a deep breath and laid back. Han walked over, and poured salt into Jyn’s cleavage- she tittered, and wasn’t quite sure if it was from the sensation or nerves. She accepted the proffered lime wedge, delicately setting it between her teeth.

            Han started the countdown this time. At three, Cassian leaned forward over Jyn’s body. She shivered when his breath fanned over her breasts, her nipples hardening in response. She closed her eyes as his tongue ran into her cleavage, licking up the grains of salt. When he pulled back to drink the tequila, she felt the air cool the trail he had left behind. Jyn’s stomach fluttered as he leaned forward to take the lime wedge in his mouth

            His lips glistened with lime juice as he pulled away, and Jyn’s mind flashed to a fantasy of Cassian’s face between her thighs, her slick shining on his lips and cheekbones. She flicked her eyes to her scrub top, but as she leaned forward to grab it, nearly toppled off the bar. She was caught just in time by Cassian, who gently lifted her off and set her on her feet.

            “You okay?” he asked, assessing her intently.

            Jyn nodded, still feeling a little wobbly. She pulled her shirt back over her head. Bodhi and Luke were grinning at each other like idiots on one side. On the other, Leia was making out with Han like they were the only two people there.

            Jyn threw a peanut from the bar at them. “Get a room!”

            “Oh, we will, sister,” Han grinned lasciviously.

            Leia enthusiastically wrapped her arms around his neck, and said, “Take me home, you scoundrel.”

            “You’ve got it, princess.”

            Han scooped Leia up in his arms, and Jyn watched as they stepped out of the bar and hopped into the Uber that they had called.

            Bodhi tapped Jyn on the shoulder. “We’re pretty beat, I think it’s time to call it a night. See you Monday?”

            Jyn smiled and nodded. Bodhi was turning around to leave, when she suddenly threw her arms around him. “Thanks for making me come out tonight, Bodhi.”

            Bodhi grinned at her affectionately. “That’s what friends are for.”

            After Luke and Bodhi had made their exit, Jyn threw her arms out and exclaimed, “And then there were two!”

            Cassian gave her the little half-smile that she was beginning to recognize as distinctly _him._ She stepped a little closer to him, and began playing with the collar of his shirt (she appreciatively observed that he hadn’t buttoned it yet). They circled each other, slowly moving closer into the other’s orbit. An invitation lingered in the air between them despite their mutual reticence. Stepping into the void, Cassian took her chin in his hand, tipping her face towards his. He leaned down, and Jyn stepped forward just enough that their lips met. Cassian ran one hand down her back, pulling her into him, and pushed the other into her hair, gently cupping the back of her neck.

            When he pulled her forward, Jyn deepened the kiss, eliciting a moan from Cassian. She stroked his upper lip lightly with her tongue, before biting his bottom lip. He groaned- the way she shared herself with him was everything he had fantasized about.  Cassian pulled back, and kissed behind her ear, down the side of her neck. Jyn sighed with pleasure, melting into his touch.

            She leaned forward to peck him on the lips again. Then she stepped back, and grinned.

            “Want to take this back to my place? It’s just around the corner.”

            Cassian nodded, too overcome to speak, and followed her out. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get spicy! That is all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I lied... everyone was so nice in the comments and on tumblr, I decided to go ahead and add Chapter 2. But for real for real, Chapter 3 will be posted this coming Friday. In the meantime, enjoy! Happy Saturday!

Chapter 2

            While Jyn fumbled with her apartment keys, Cassian swept her hair out of the way and lightly ran his lips along her neck. Dipping her head to the side, she let out a breathy moan. The lock clicked open, and she stumbled inside, Cassian behind her like a shadow. Jyn turned on the lights, and threw an arm out in an encompassing gesture.

            “Welcome to my humble abode. I’d apologize for the clutter and say that it doesn’t always look like this, but…. That’s not true.”

            Cassian laughed, grabbing her hand and tugging her to him.

            “Luckily I’m not here to pass judgement on your housekeeping skills.”

            Jyn smirked, and wrapped her arms around his neck, carding her fingers through his thick hair. He loved the way her green eyes lit up when she became aroused. He bent forward and pressed his lips against hers.

            “God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmured against her mouth, savoring the taste of her skin mixed with tequila.

            Jyn smiled, drawing him further into the apartment. He pressed her up against the wall, wanting another taste. He gently kissed her neck, nibbled at her earlobes, ran his hands up under her shirt. He rubbed his thumbs along her hips as he nipped at her clavicle. Jyn lifted her hands up, let him help her shimmy out of her scrub top.

            Where Cassian’s movements were smooth, controlled, paced, Jyn was all raw passion. Grabbing Cassian by the shirt, she spun them around, pinning Cassian to the wall. Biting at his neck and sucking his throat, he relished the harsh pants from Jyn’s mouth against his skin. Yanking at his shirt, she pulled the buttons apart frantically, marking his chest as each one came undone. A choked moan slipped from his lips as Jyn ran her tongue in circles along his nipples, roughly taking one, then the other between her teeth. He clutched at her hair and pushed his hips forward, seeking the small bit of friction from his boxers. Jyn pulled back and grinned up at him mischievously. Reaching down, she rubbed him through his pants, enjoying the little jerks of his hips as she traced his outline.

            Her finger running along his sensitive cock snapped him out of the hazy cloud of lust-  this was moving too fast, he wanted to savor it. Cassian snatched her hand from its teasing ministrations, lifting it back to his mouth where he kissed her palm. Jyn let out a small cry of indignation, her brow furrowed with the slightest wrinkle of frustration. He quickly soothed her, slipping his free hand into the cup of her bra, toying with her nipple. Jyn quietly gasped, pressing herself up against Cassian’s body as her eyelids drooped with pleasure. He withdrew his hand, lips tweaking smugly as she whined a quiet protest. Dropping a featherlight kiss to her forehead, he reached behind her and removed her bra. He grasped her ass, lifted her up, and pressed her into the wall, wrapping her legs around his waist.

            He closed his eyes as he ground his center against hers. Jyn’s face was pressed into his neck, alternating tender kisses with rough bites and sucks at the apex of his clavicle. He pulled one of Jyn’s arms up, pressed it to the wall as he knotted his fingers with hers. He moaned filthy Spanish into her ear as he thrust up against her, feeling her soft breasts flush with his chest, the warmth of her body penetrating his. He inhaled the scent of her shampoo, admiring how she didn’t smell too girly or perfumed…just clean and completely Jyn. He stroked his fingers along the waistband of her pants, and tilted his head a little to look her in the eyes.

            “Is it alright if I touch you?”

            “You’re already touching me,” Jyn pointed out wryly.

            Cassian flushed. She was going to make this hard for him. Two could play that game.

            “You’re right.”

            He gently let her back down to the ground. He lifted his hand, and before making contact with her skin, he murmured, “Can I touch your face?”

            Jyn snorted, but nodded her consent. He gently stroked along her jaw, lifting her face to his and letting his tongue slip in between her lips.

            “May I kiss your neck?”

            Jyn huffed a little in frustration, but tilted her head to the side as he kissed her neck tenderly, before punctuating it with a rough nip near her jaw. She sucked in a harsh breath of air.

            “Do I have permission to put my mouth on your breasts?”

            This time, Jyn shivered with anticipation. She quietly whispered an affirmation when Cassian’s stance made it clear her verbal consent was needed.

            He ran his stubbled cheek against the side of her breast, then tenderly kissed the curve of it. Pressing his lips to her sternum, he lightly blew on each of her nipples, watching as they stiffened with arousal. Jyn leaned against the wall and moaned.

            “Tell me what you want, Jyn,” Cassian murmured, as he ran his fingers along her calf, lifting one foot, then the other out of her sensible clogs.

            “I… I want you to touch me, Cassian,” she whimpered.

            Cassian ran his tongue in a circle around one of her nipples, and was rewarded with a cry as he lightly scraped his fingernails over the surface of the other one. Worrying her nipple between his teeth, he chuckled.

            “But I am touching you, Jyn,” he parroted back at her.

            “Bastard,” she hissed in response.

            Cassian just laughed again. He lightly traced one of his fingers down the curve of her spine. Her back arched towards him, thrusting her breasts forward. Pinching her nipple with the hand that wasn’t supporting her, he inquired, “Am I allowed to take off your pants, Jyn?”

            “Yes,” she encouraged, as he gave her nipple a rough squeeze. She was so distracted, desire pulsed through her veins so intensely that she couldn’t think of anything else but Cassian.

            Hooking his thumbs into the waistband of her scrub pants, he untied the drawstring before slipping them down her slender thighs. Here, he could smell her arousal seeping through her panties. Cassian’s mouth watered, but he restrained himself, not quite ready to give up his teasing yet.

            Soothingly rubbing her calves, Cassian looked up at Jyn, waiting to hear her beg for what he knew she wanted. She looked down at him, pupils blown out, biting her lip sexily.

            “Let’s go to my bedroom,” she directed.

            Taking Cassian’s hand, she led him through the living room, into her bedroom. While she went to turn on the lights, Cassian observed his surroundings in the moonlight. Jyn’s bedroom was sparsely decorated. No pictures of friends or family, no canvas wall décor from Target, no signs to tell who she really was. The floor was cluttered with dirty clothes and books, the bedside table filled with empty wine glasses. The only decoration in the room was a green floral bedspread, rumpled on a bed with a very luxurious looking headboard.

            He felt her behind him then, small hands undoing the buckle on his belt. She pressed her lips across his back, and he helped her to push off his pants. When she slipped a hand into his boxer briefs, lightly teasing his cock with her fingers, his stomach dropped, the warmth of her palm against his cock making him quake with lust.

            Turning around, he walked Jyn back until she fell onto her bed, propped up on her elbows. She looked like a wild animal, equally predatory and skittish. Mussed hair, swollen lips, and that gaze in her eye- his breath caught at her beauty. A sliver of vulnerability fluttered across her face, and she looked up at Cassian from under her eyelids.

            “Cassian, I….” She looked at him pleadingly, not wanting to swallow her pride and ask for what she wanted.

            He raised an eyebrow expectantly. He _needed_ to hear her say it.

            “I… I want you to go down on me.” The words came out in a rush, and a pink flush descended from her cheeks to her breasts.

            That was all the permission he needed. He grasped her panties in his hands and slid them down her legs, letting them fall to the floor. Gasping at the sight of her, he took in the pink tint of her labia, her engorged clit, the way slick was already dripping from her cunt. Kissing her thighs, he leaned in to her vulva, lightly ran his tongue along her labia. His first taste of Jyn was incredible… His cock twitched excitedly at how thoroughly wet she was. He felt the moisture from her sex dampen the dark curls that brushed against his nose. She sighed lightly, hips bucking a little in reaction to his touch. He pressed his hands into the crease of her thighs, dipped his head forward to run his tongue across her clit. Jyn cried out when he made contact with the nub, and Cassian responded enthusiastically. He flicked his tongue back and forth, and Jyn wriggled and moaned in earnest.

            “More,” she cried out, thrusting her pelvis into his face, desperate and panting.

            Pressing his tongue harder against her clit, he used his finger to tease her entrance.

            “Oh, yes, please fuck me,” she moaned.

            He gently rocked one finger into her, crooking it slightly as he felt the spot he knew would make her come apart. He pulled back for a moment, watching his digit disappear between her folds, how she took him in so softly. He kissed her thighs, murmured lustful nothings to her, encouraged her to let go. She clenched her walls around his finger, responding so beautifully to his touch.  Diving back in to stroke his tongue against her clit, Jyn’s walls began to contract on him. He added a second finger, and Jyn cried out at the stretch, grinding her hips down onto his hand wantonly.

            “Yes, right there, right there, right there, oh fuck…”

            He felt her walls clench down on his fingers as her back arched and she came hard against him. He threw his free arm across her hips to hold her down as he continued to fuck her through her orgasm. She cried loudly, legs tensing, thighs squeezing around his face. Her hands desperately grabbed at his hair as she begged him not to stop. Cassian closed his eyes, savoring every detail of the moment, sucking at her clit like a man starved.

Slowly she came down, Cassian slowing his ministrations to gentle her through the aftershocks. He tenderly kissed her thighs, and felt her shudder as he withdrew his finger from inside her. Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, he grinned when he heard her contented sigh. The night could end right here and Cassian would still be on top of the world, satisfied with the pride swelling in his chest at bringing pleasure to his beautiful Jyn.  

            Jyn smiled at him lazily, then dragged his body up to hers.

            “Sit up against the headboard.”

            Cassian nodded, scrambling to do as he was told. As he leaned against the upholstered fabric, Jyn crawled towards him. She reached out and slid off his boxer briefs, freeing his penis from its confines.

            Jyn leaned forward and kissed him, reaching her hand down to slowly stroke his cock. The head of his cock had a bead of precum at the tip. He swallowed thickly as Jyn swiped it with her thumb, smoothing it over him. She looked Cassian in the eyes, and murmured, “Are you ready?”

            “Do you have a condom?” he questioned.

            Jyn shook her head. “I’m on Depo-Provera. We’re covered.”

            Cassian bit his lip a little nervously, then tilted his head away shyly as he murmured, “Are you clean?”

            He was genuinely terrified that asking such a question would ruin the moment, and he’d be thrown out on his ass. When he picked his head back up, Jyn was all business. Reaching over for her phone, she fiddled with the screen until she pulled up an e-mail in front of him.

            “Yes, I am clean… here’s my results from my last exam. You?”

            Cassian nodded, relieved that the elephant in the room hadn’t stomped out all the romance from the moment. “Yes, I have my results from my last doctor’s appointment on my phone.” He made to get up and grab his phone, but Jyn splayed her hand across his chest and pushed him flat on his back. She murmured, “I believe you.”

            Thoughts on STD testing were swiftly pushed from his mind when he felt her lips wrap around his cock. He moaned as Jyn ran her tongue around the head and gently licked the very tip, and jerked his hips as she released him with a loud pop.

            Jyn straddled his lap, and he ran his hands up and down her sides, trying desperately to memorize every curve of her body. When she sank down onto him, his head fell back onto the pillow, and he whined out her name. Jyn let out a high pitched, breathy moan, and stilled for a moment- he tried his best to hold still, let her adjust to him. She was so tight around him- perfectly sheathing him. After a moment’s pause, she tilted her pelvis slightly forward so that her clit would brush up against him. He placed a hand in the middle of her back, steadying her as she began to ride him, body pitched away from his. She balanced herself by planting her hands on his shins. Cassian let out a strangled gasp as he watched his cock move where he and Jyn were joined. Gripping the sheets, he felt Jyn’s thighs tighten around his hips as her toes pressed into the mattress. He panted as he fought to control himself, focused on working his hand between her legs. Rubbing firm little circles onto her nub, Cassian bucked up when Jyn threw her body forward at the pleasure of the sensation. Grasping either side of the headboard, she began to ride him in earnest, thrusting down harder onto him. Cassian snapped his hips up to meet hers, and dipped his head forward to take one of her nipples in his mouth. Jyn cried out loudly at the sensation, causing a surge of pleasure to lance down Cassian’s spine.  

            “Cassian…bedside drawer” she gasped.

            Putting an arm out to reach into the drawer of her bedside table, while simultaneously trying to help her keep her balance, Cassian fumbled around until his fingers wrapped around a smooth, bullet-shaped object. He got impossibly harder when he realized it was a vibrator. Sleek and silver, images of Jyn pleasuring herself in this bed cascaded through his mind. Did she think of him when she masturbated?

            Turning on the vibrator, Cassian set it to an intense pulsing wave. Pressing it up against her clit, he watched as Jyn’s mouth fell open, and her hips jerked more erratically against his. Mouthing at her breasts again, he kept his eyes on her, and felt the telltale flutter of her walls around him. Groaning in anticipation of what was about to come, he pulled her closer to him, and pressed the vibrator a little more firmly to her clit.

            That was what undid her. She threw her head back and let out a wail, and he grit his teeth in pleasure as she bucked violently against him. Reaching up, he hesitantly wrapped his shaking fingers around her creamy throat, wanting to feel the vibrations of her moans against his palm. He felt a slight wetness against his finger, and realized that tears were springing to Jyn’s eyes at the intensity of the sensation. When she lightly bit down on his thumb and looked into his eyes, he came apart. He rolled her onto her back and snapped his hips against hers once, twice, three times, before spilling himself inside of her. Burying his face into her neck, he shivered violently as he tried to catch his breath.

            Jyn was the first to break the silence.

            “Holy fuck”

            “Let’s not bring God into this,” Cassian murmured, pressing his lips to her shoulder. He rolled off her, placing a soothing hand on her abdomen when she whined as he pulled out. He tenderly wiped away the remaining tears that glistened on her cheeks, and kissed her on the lips. The last thing he remembered before passing out was Jyn rolling over to turn off the bedside lamp.

* * *

 

            Jyn woke up with a groan the next morning. Her head was pounding, and her mouth felt dry and disgusting. Rolling over, she saw Cassian lying beside her, still fast asleep. He looked so soft and peaceful, different from the tightly-wound pathologist she saw at work every day. Jyn slowly dragged herself out of the warm bed to go and get a glass of water with lemon- her standard hangover cure.

            As she stood naked in her kitchen, squeezing some lemon juice over ice and pouring water on top, Jyn thought back to the previous night. Her thighs were sore this morning, unused muscles protesting the vigorous workout from a few hours beforehand. Cassian had easily been the best sex she’d ever had- not that she had too many comparisons. Usually Jyn’s one-night stands involved a man thrusting enthusiastically on top of her, taking no interest in her own pleasure. Over time, she found it easier to get herself off than to get involved with other people.

            And speaking of involvement…she had to figure out a way to casually brush off the sex last night and avoid a longer-term commitment. As she gulped down two ibuprofen with her lemon water, she decided she’d go for a light run around the block this morning. Nothing too hard- her hungover body couldn’t take that. Just long enough for Cassian to wake up so that she could avoid the awkward, overly-intimate waking-up-in-bed-together stuff. Plus, she hated morning breath.

            Stepping into the laundry room that resided in the corner of her kitchen, she scrounged through the dryer until she found some running shorts and an old ratty t-shirt. They were in a college town, so there were a lot of girls who ran in sports bras and cute matching leggings. Jyn was not one of those girls. She didn’t really see the point of buying expensive clothes to sweat in.

            She grabbed a yellow post it, and scrabbled “Out for run, be back soon” on it. Tiptoeing into the bedroom, Jyn grabbed her Asics running shoes, slipped them on her feet, and stuck the post-it on her pillow. She carefully avoided admiring the smooth curve of Cassian's muscular ass peeking out from the edge of the comforter as she made her exit. 

* * *

 

            When Cassian woke up, he was pleased to find that he was not hungover. Rolling over, he was excited to give Jyn a good morning greeting…but found that her side of the bed was cold and empty. In place of the sexy brunette from last night was a small yellow Post-it note informing him that she had abandoned him for the pavement.

            Groaning, he laid back on the pillow and covered his face with his eyes. Fuck. He wasn’t sure what to make of what happened last night. He had enjoyed it, and thought that she had too, but now he was doubting himself.

            The front door of the apartment slammed, and Jyn announced her presence with heavy pants in the hallway. Cassian got up out of bed, slipped on his boxers, and walked out to greet her.

            “Good morning.”

            Jyn was facing away from him, toeing off her shoes, and started when she heard his voice. When she turned around, he watched as her eyes took in his near-naked form. She blushed, but he held her gaze. He wasn’t ashamed of his body, and besides…she had already seen it last night.

            Cassian stepped towards her, getting ready to kiss her, but she deftly slipped out of his path. He watched as she pulled off the t-shirt she was wearing, cringing as she carelessly tossed it in the general direction of the washing machine. Padding behind her, he picked up the shirt and neatly folded it. He couldn’t resist. When he realized that she wasn’t going to break the silence, he gave it a second try.

            “So, um… I was thinking we could go somewhere for dinner tonight?”

            “Sorry, I have plans” she called from the bathroom.

            “Okay. Tomorrow night then? I have one or two nights free this week as well.”

            She stepped back out of the bathroom, wrapped up in a thin cotton bathrobe, her hair still up in a messy ponytail.

            “Look, Cassian. Last night was great, the sex was fantastic. But long-term relationships…or relationships in general. They aren’t really my thing. If you ever want to do something like this again, I’m up for it. But anything beyond that… I’m just not available.”

            Cassian’s face, previously open and caring, shuttered. His posture stiffened. Cassian felt like he had been punched in the gut. After last night, he knew that he couldn’t settle with only having a piece of Jyn. He didn’t want a quick fuck- for him, it had to be all or nothing. He thinned his lips, and with hurt in his eyes, nodded shortly. He quickly made his way back to her bedroom, jerked on his clothes. He just wanted to go back home and lick his wounds. He left so quickly that he didn’t see the regret plain on Jyn’s face.

* * *

 

            Jyn sighed as she heard the front door slam. The look on Cassian’s face when she rejected him left her with a bad taste in her mouth. He had looked so hurt…

            She knew that she was saving him from a world of trouble. She was emotionally damaged, and a far cry from “relationship material”. She couldn’t even handle her own shit most days, how would she deal with someone else’s?

            Her phone buzzed. A new message from her group chat with Bodhi and Leia popped up on the screen. She swiped right on the screen while padding towards her fridge. Pulling out a bottle of Pedialyte, she took a swig while reading Leia’s message to the group.

            “Ugh, so hungover this AM. Hair of the dog, anyone? Our usual spot, one hour?”

            Jyn tapped out a short affirmation, and five minutes later, Bodhi responded that he was in.

            “Two peach bellinis and one Bloody Mary, please!”

            Jyn almost laughed at how well Leia knew their hangover cures. They had been coming here since Jyn started working at the hospital- it had become close to a weekly ritual for them. Their waitress returned with their drinks, and Jyn closed her eyes as she started sipping her Bloody Mary. The brininess and acidity of the drink was like a balm for her roiling stomach.

            Leia started chattering away about what happened with Han last night. She and Han had been dating for close to two years, but that didn’t stop Leia from admiring how great their sex life was every chance she got. Jyn only half-listened as Leia recounted some new, kinky activity that they had tried. All she could think about was how sexy Cassian’s face had looked as he came inside her last night, and how good it felt when he licked her clit.

            “Well, clearly someone got laid last night. It’s written all over your face.” Leia drawled.

            Jyn’s cheeks heated with a blush.

            “Oooh, it must have been good” smirked Leia.

            “It was… really good. Fucking fantastic, honestly.” admitted Jyn.

            “So, when are you going to see each other again?” pressed Bodhi.

            “Well, Cassian asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner tonight. I turned him down.”

            “What?” asked Leia incredulously. Bodhi’s eyes were bugging out of his head.

            “Jyn, did you not see how he was looking at you last night? And don’t think that I haven’t noticed your little visits down to pathology practically every day. You cannot tell me that you don’t have any feelings for him.”

            “Bodhi, as a rule I don’t do relationships.”

            “Fuck that. You can’t go your whole life living by yourself, throwing yourself into your work and then drinking away your sorrows on the weekends. You need to find something else, or someone else, to live for.”

            “Easy for you to say. You don’t know what it’s like to lose everything.”

            An awkward silence spread across their little table after Jyn’s outburst. Bodhi’s hurt was plain on his countenance, and Leia was shifting her eyes uncomfortably between them. After a moment, Leia broke the silence.

            “Jyn… you know we mean well. We just worry about you.”

            “There’s no need to. I’m fine, I’m happy. There’s nothing to worry about.”

            Leia looked like she wanted to say more, but she dropped the subject. In a tone clearly meant to lighten the mood, Leia looked slyly at Bodhi, and said, “How were things with Luke last night?”

            Bodhi, surprisingly, did not blush or stutter with his response. “They were good. We just made out on my couch some, then we went to sleep. I think he wants to take things slow. It’s different, but I’m okay with it.”

            Jyn, feeling guilty for snapping at him earlier, reached out to grasp his hand. She gave him what she hoped was a gentle smile, and murmured, “I’m happy for you.” He squeezed back, and his eyes said that he had forgiven her.

            She didn’t deserve Bodhi.

* * *

             Cassian spent the rest of his morning laying out on the couch, reruns of Star Trek playing on the television. He paid very little attention to the program- his mind was focused on when he had first fallen for Jyn.

_8 months ago_

            Cassian was coming back from a morning coffee break when he heard yelling in one of the hospital meeting rooms. One of Cassian’s most finely-honed skills was eavesdropping, and he couldn’t help but overhear what was happening in the conference room.

            “Are you kidding me?! You’re going to turn away this child with perfectly treatable cancer because her health insurance won’t cover it and her family makes too much money to be eligible for charity care?”

            Cassian’s eyes widened. That was _definitely_ Jyn Erso’s voice, and from the litany of voices piping up to protest, it sounded like she was meeting with the hospital administrators.

            Finally, a deep voice piped up, “We understand how this may look, Dr. Erso. But there are two other children’s hospitals in the area, they would be better equipped to meet this family’s needs.”

            Cassian ground his teeth. One reason why he had become a pathologist was because he hated feeling like his choices as a physician were controlled by insurance company executives with no medical experience. It sounded as though this child’s family had found themselves at the mercy of an insurance company that wouldn’t cooperate.

            Jyn’s indignant voice started again. “You’re right, there are other hospitals, but none of the others have as strong of a pediatric oncology program as ours, and we are the only one offering the monoclonal antibody therapy that this child needs.”

            A prim voice joined the fray. “Dr. Erso, while we sympathize with the family, our hands are tied here. We need to look out for the best interests of the hospital as well.”

            “The best interests of the hospital are _bullshit_ if a child dies in the process. I am a physician, we are a hospital of physicians. When we face this kind of injustice, what choice do we have but to stand up and do the right thing?”

            Silence reverberated, and Cassian closed his eyes. He could feel the verdict- Jyn’s battle had been lost.

            In a low and dangerous tone, Jyn hissed, “You will all regret this.” With that, she came storming out of the conference room. Cassian scrambled to follow behind her.

            “Dr. Erso! Dr. Erso! _Jyn.”_ He called out frantically.

            Jyn finally spun on her heel, and snapped, “What do you need, Dr. Andor?”

            “I want to help you.”

            Jyn laughed bitterly. “Oh, so you heard my altercation with the admins? Well, I probably won’t even have a job by the end of the day, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?”

            Cassian sighed. “Look, I know someone who might be able to help. A lawyer. His name is Lando Calrissian. He does a lot of litigation work, but I think he would take this on pro-bono and fight back against the insurer if I asked him to.”

            Jyn’s eyes widened. “You would do that?”

            Cassian nodded. “I hate how insurance companies have so much sway over our choices as physicians. I’ll get in contact with Lando if you can talk to the family. And if nothing else, I’ll help pay the child’s medical bills myself.”

            Jyn stared at him, long and hard. “Why are you doing this?”

            Meeting her gaze measuredly, Cassian responded, “Because you give me hope.”

            Lando had taken up the case, and ultimately his firm’s PI had found a systemic pattern of discrimination against children with pediatric cancers within the insurance company. The child’s hospital bills had been covered by the insurer, and the insurance company was also forced to settle with its other victims. The day that Jyn heard the news, she had come flying down to the lab joyfully, excitedly rushing through words until she slowed enough that he could understand her. As he watched her eyes blaze with the thrill of victory and justice, he felt his heart expand, and knew that he was a goner.

_Present_

            Closing his eyes in frustration, Cassian turned on his side on the couch. He had mistakenly thought that their tryst had been evidence of Jyn’s feelings for him. He had thought his feelings for Jyn were strong before, but now they were practically unbearable. All he could think of was how perfect her body felt against his, how much he loved the sound of her laugh, how incredible she tasted.

            He felt himself growing hard again at the thought of the previous night’s activities, and impulsively, he took himself in hand. Tightly fisting his cock, he let himself think of Jyn’s body writing beneath his, of his face buried between her legs, of the coy look in her eye when she took his cock in her mouth. All too soon, he spilled out onto his closed fist, breaths coming raggedly and Jyn’s name cried out in desperation. Grabbing some tissues off the side table, he cleaned himself up, then drifted off for a nap, trying not to think of the ache in his chest.

* * *

 

            Later that afternoon, Kay came by Cassian’s apartment. He wanted to review papers for their journal club, but Cassian knew that wouldn’t happen with the mindset he was currently in.

            Cassian pulled two beers out of his fridge, passing one to Kay. As he popped the top off the beer, Kay muttered, “You have terrible taste in alcohol.”

            “Well, you don’t have to drink it.”

            After a few moments of silence, Cassian caught Kay watching him. His forehead was forming little wrinkles, which Cassian always thought of as Kay’s “computing…” face. He could sense that something was off with Cassian’s mood. Continuing to frown, Kay, reluctantly sipping the “subpar” beer, asked, “What did you do last night?”

            Cassian paused. Images of Jyn as she came, head thrown back, mouth open, surged into his mind. He felt a stab of pain in his chest at the thought. He knew he couldn’t tell Kay that the main thing he did last night was Jyn Erso. Kay hated Jyn, and would never let him live it down if he found out about their tryst. So, he decided to lie.

            “I went to the hospital mixer. Had a few drinks with Dr. Solo and Dr. Skywalker, went home early.”

            Kay gave a non-committal grunt. “I find that answer vague and unconvincing.”

            When Cassian didn’t respond, Kay continued, “You’ve been unusually tense as of late, Cassian. Perhaps you should consider having sexual intercourse with someone to help relieve some of that. I’ve heard that there are phone apps for this sort of thing now.”

            Cassian gripped his beer tightly, focusing on removing the label with a surgical precision. “Kay, it’s weird when you talk about this stuff with me.”

           “It’s a perfectly natural human function, Cassian. I identify as asexual, but that doesn’t mean that I cannot acknowledge that other humans need that kind of intimacy.”

           “We’re not talking about this anymore, Kay.”

           Clucking, Kay rolled his eyes. “Well, there’s no need to be so snippy.”

           Cassian glared darkly at the removed label.

           Kay pressed forward unperturbed. “Want to start looking through these papers? Don’t want the residents to catch us unprepared.”

            Cassian nodded. Kay pulled out his highlighter and pencil, ready to start tearing into journal articles, and while Cassian tried his best to feel excited about the work ahead of them, he was distracted at every turn, Jyn’s face still clear in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, there's plenty more smut/angst to go around! Follow me on Tumblr at cowzforlife!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian deal with the aftermath of their night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry, I know this update is a day late. This week has been CRAZY. I broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years on Monday- he was lying to me and cheating on me, so I had to kick him out of our shared apartment. Boy bye! Good riddance. Also had a  
> highly unfortunate Tinder hookup on Wednesday... let's just say that he did not have Cassian Andor's bedroom skills. I've been enjoying post-breakup life drinking lots of wine with my girlfriends, so I got a bit sidetracked with updating my story. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope that you enjoy this chapter! I love getting reviews and feedback :) :)

Chapter 3

            “I know that you probably think it’s silly, but this is standard operating procedure for the hospital.”

            Jyn rolled her eyes. “Leia, my womb is about as barren as the field of fucks I give about hospital SOPs.”

            Leia was one of Jyn’s closest friends…and also happened to be her gynecologist. Because what were friends for if not to make sure your lady parts were in good working order? Jyn had come in for what she had hoped would be a quick Depo-Provera shot, only for her ridiculously organized friend to point out that Jyn was a month late on getting her birth control “boostered.” So now Jyn was being forced to pee into a cup to make sure that she wasn’t growing an alien life form inside of her.

            “Look, just take the test. Here’s a bottle of water. It’ll take ten minutes, we can rest assured knowing that you aren’t pregnant, and I won’t get sued for medical malpractice.”

            “I’d be a pretty shitty friend if I sued you for malpractice.”

            “That’s beside the point. Just go to the bathroom, give Shara your pee, and then we can hang out in here and chat.”

            Leia’s tone brokered no argument, so Jyn snatched the receptacle off her desk, and stomped to the bathroom, shooting daggers out of her eyes at Leia.

            While Jyn sat on the toilet, holding a cup under her crotch, she almost laughed at the prospect of being Cassian’s baby mama. Things had been awkward between them since the night they slept together. The previous easy, casual friendship they enjoyed was gone now. It was like Cassian had put up a wall and completely shut down. He was polite, but didn’t make any attempts at conversation with her when she came down to the lab. And Jyn was finding fewer excuses to go down there. Even Kay had noticed the tension between them, going so far as to ask Jyn if she and Cassian had had a “lover’s tiff.” Apparently, Cassian was keeping his lips as tightly sealed about what happened between them as she was.

            Finally getting enough into the cup, she screwed the lid back on and handed it to Shara Bey, Leia’s nurse. Shara was bright, vivacious, and beautiful. She was Leia’s favorite nurse to have in the delivery room because her outgoing personality was equally measured by her level head in stressful situations. She was married to Kes Dameron, a dermatologist, and they had an adorable baby boy, Poe.

            When she walked back into Leia’s office, Leia had started a pot of tea in the electric kettle at her desk. 

            “You seem unusually tense lately, Jyn.”

            Jyn sighed. Leia didn’t miss much, especially when it came to her. “I don’t know. I’ve been exhausted all this week… I fell asleep at my desk on Tuesday! Plus I’ve had a couple of stressful cases with my patients over the past week or so, and things have been awkward with Cassian. I think I may have really hurt him.”

            Leia rolled her eyes. “Well, I could have told you that. He was staring at you that night at the bar like you hung the stars and moon. I still don’t understand why you couldn’t just agree to one date with him.”

            Jyn’s mind flashed to a violent thud, sickening crunch, and horrible pain in her side. To a phone call her freshman year of college. To being forced to grow up far faster than she was willing. “It’s just…it’s hard to care about someone and then have it ripped away.”

            Leia’s eyes softened, and she reached across the table to grasp Jyn’s hand. “It’s not the same as what happened to you, but I know what it’s like to not have your parents around. And when Bail had his heart attack a few years ago, I was scared to ever be vulnerable again. But what I have with Han? It’s worth the vulnerability. I’d rather have one year with him than forty years of loneliness.”

            “I’m not lonely. I have you, and Bodhi. And I’ve been thinking about getting a cat.”

            “What happens if we move away? Plus, Bodhi and I can only give you so much of the companionship you need.”

            “I have my vibrator to take care of the rest of my needs.”

            Leia pursed her lips. Right then, Shara came back in.

        “Dr. Organa? Can we speak outside for a moment? There’s an issue with one of your patients.”

            Leia nodded, and stepped out with Shara. Jyn grabbed a Post-it off of Leia’s desk, drawing out doodles on the pad. Perhaps Leia was right. It had felt good to relax into Cassian’s arms that night. Jyn had spent her entire adult life constantly preparing herself for the worst, but perhaps she had kept herself from envisioning the best that could happen.

            She was stirred from her thoughts by Leia coming back into the office. Looking over her shoulder, Jyn could immediately tell something was off. Leia was slowly walking towards her in a manner more appropriate for approaching a feral cat. Her face was drawn as she sat down at her desk.

            “Jyn, I’m just going to get right to the point. You’re pregnant.”

            Jyn lost track of exactly how long she was silent for. Could have been a minute, could have been an hour. Finally, she spoke.

            “What the FUCK.”

            Jyn’s hands were shaking. She wasn’t ready to be a mother. She couldn’t be a mother. Screeching brakes, blood everywhere, sounds of her mother screaming… they were spinning around in her head, out of control. Jyn rocked back and forth. What was she going to do? And Cassian… he couldn’t know. She had to figure out something before he could find out.

            Jyn was pulled suddenly out of her thoughts by two arms wrapping firmly and tightly around her from behind.

            “Jyn, it’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure this out, don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.”

            Leia’s soft murmurs in her ear slowly soothed her. She felt wetness on her cheeks, and realized that she had been crying. Her chest ached from taking tight little gasps, and she felt lightheaded. Leia quietly shushed her, mollifying her. When Jyn’s shivering had calmed, Leia stepped away, pouring a glass of water for Jyn. Under Leia’s watchful gaze, Jyn slowly sipped down the water.    

            Sitting down beside Jyn, Leia murmured, “Would you like to discuss your options?”

            Jyn nodded mutely.

            “Okay. When did you last have your period?”

            “Ummm… about two months ago? They aren’t always regular for me since I went on the shot.”

            Leia nodded. “And when was the last time you had sex.”

            Jyn stared back at Leia defiantly, but when it appeared that Leia wouldn’t back down, she muttered, “A little over a month ago.”

            “Okay. So you are probably about two months pregnant. You have a number of options, especially since it is so early. There is a Planned Parenthood about two miles from here, where you can schedule an appointment with a physician for a medical abortion. That would involve a two-pill combination of mifepristone and misoprostol. You could probably get an appointment within the week, but state laws do mandate a 72-hour waiting period before you can get your prescription. I’d advise that you schedule your appointment sooner rather than later if you choose that route. After 10 weeks, you’ll need to get a surgical abortion instead. If you choose to keep the pregnancy, I’d like to see you back next week for your first prenatal appointment. We’ll do some bloodwork to check your hormone levels, and we’ll start discussing any pre-natal screening that you need to do. We’ll be able to date your pregnancy more accurately at a future appointment. You can schedule your appointment with Shara- she’ll be discreet.”

            Leia pulled some pamphlets from her desk, handed them over to Jyn. Jyn accepted them without comment, thumbing through the pink brochure from Planned Parenthood.

            “Let me think about all of this for the next day or so. I’ll decide what I want to do soon enough.”

            Leia nodded. “Take your time, Jyn. This is a big decision for you- don’t rush it.”

            After a few moments of silence between them, Leia broke it again. “Jyn?”

            “Hmm?”

            “Is Cassian the father?”

            Jyn looked down. “It could only be him.”

            Leia reached across the desk again and squeezed Jyn’s hand. “My next appointment will be here in five minutes, but call me any time you need to talk.”

            Jyn nodded, feeling numb as she walked out of Leia’s office.

* * *

 

            It was a slow Friday afternoon for Cassian, so he decided to run some pathology reports up to Jyn’s office. Masochist that he was, he couldn’t resist seeing her face, even after her rejection.

            As he arrived at Jyn’s office door, he heard retching. He knocked on the door, calling her name, worry bleeding through his voice.

            “Come in.”

            When Cassian walked in, Jyn was sitting back down into the chair at her desk, wiping her mouth.

            “Are you alright?” His voice was thick with concern.

            Jyn still hadn’t looked up at him. “I’m fine.”

            “I thought I heard you throwing up just now.”

            “Yeah…bad Chinese takeout last night. Won’t order from there again!”

            Cassian nodded. His gut said that Jyn wasn’t being entirely forthcoming, but he didn’t want to push her too much. They had only slept together once- it wasn’t like they were confidantes.

            “What did you come up for?”

            “I had some pathology reports for you- I wanted to save you a trip down to the lab. I noticed that you were asleep in your office on Tuesday, thought you might be tired.”

            “Watching me in my office? That’s not creepy at all” she bit out.

            Cassian ground his teeth and flushed. Why was she being so hostile?

            “Anyways, send me an email or come by the lab if you have any questions about the reports. My door’s always open.”

            “You haven’t been very open lately” she hissed.

            Cassian inhaled deeply through his nostrils. He was at work, keep it professional. “I’m not sure what you are talking about. I’ve been nothing but helpful and polite towards you, and more than willing to collaborate with you on cases.”

            “Well I’m glad helpful and polite is the treatment I can expect now. Just a quick fuck, then back to a cordial relationship, hmm?”

            He clenched his fist as he rapidly expelled a puff of air. Lowering his voice, he growled, “Jyn, you were the one who didn’t want anything else to come from this. Not me. You pushed me away. Don’t try to guilt me for protecting myself.”

            Jyn snorted. “Well, I’m glad you feel protected. That makes one of us. Just go.”

            Cassian stormed out of her office without a second glance.

* * *

 

            Jyn’s original plan had been to walk straight home, make a large mug of cocoa, and curl up to sleep. She rarely tried to deal with anxiety head-on; sometimes, she would chase it from her body by running or boxing at the gym. Other times, she would sleep to avoid her thoughts. Jyn was too nauseous and exhausted to exercise, so sleep was her only refuge. The mature part of Jyn’s mind acknowledged that she needed to make a decision, sooner rather than later. But even thinking about the baby right now made her mind hum with anxiety. Any decisions could wait until the morning. 

            As she walked home, her mind was abuzz with the events of the day. She was angry with herself for being so incredibly stupid- letting herself trust too much. Jyn had always prided herself on being careful, had always planned for the worst, was ready to run at a moment’s notice. The one time she let down her guard, the capriciousness of the universe reared its head.

            Her initial instincts screamed at her to get an abortion. Jyn didn't feel that she was a good candidate to be a mother. She constantly relieved the trauma of her childhood and young adult years, had poor coping mechanisms for the daily stress and grief that came with her job, and she was a terrible housekeeper. With the state of her apartment currently, a baby would probably go missing under a pile of dirty laundry. On a daily basis, Jyn saw the worst that could happen to children through disease processes. She wasn’t sure if she could handle losing a child that way.

            On the other hand, Jyn loved children. A small, hopeful part of her had always wanted a family. As the years went on, Jyn had resigned herself to the idea that children were most likely not in the cards for her. She was 32 now- could she afford to wait for another chance like this one to come up? The idea of getting a random sperm donor to be the father of her baby had never appealed to her- it felt too much like playing the lottery. Cassian was kind, intelligent, and she liked him. There were worse choices for a father to her baby.

            Jyn buried her face in her hands as she continued to think of Cassian. She would have to tell him if she decided to keep the baby. A pregnancy would be impossible to hide from him. What kind of role would he want to play in the baby’s life? Having a baby would be difficult enough- trying to navigate a relationship with Cassian at the same time? The thought made her head hurt.

          When she passed a CVS, a desperate, fleeting thought entered her mind. What if Leia’s test was wrong? It was a possibility. Jyn found herself determinedly marching into the pharmacy, grabbing every brand of pregnancy test she spotted on the shelf. She defiantly jutted out her chin at the cashier who catalogued all of Jyn’s purchases. Leaving the store $80 lighter and armed with a bagful of tests, Jyn made a beeline for her apartment.

          Upon arriving home, she chugged water until she felt like her bladder was going to burst. Wriggling uncomfortably as she made her way to the bathroom, she meticulously unwrapped the first test, went about her business, and set a timer for the test. Seven times she went through this process- and seven times the test came back positive.

          Feeling cold dread settle in her stomach again, Jyn walked to the kitchen in a daze. Absentmindedly setting a kettle on the stove, her hand knocked a bottle of wine off the counter. She jumped back as the bottle shattered, wine spilling everywhere.

         “God damn it.” She shrieked in frustration. Jyn frantically worked to sop up all of the liquid on the floor, wincing when a piece of glass pierced her fingertip.

         After she had finished sweeping the glass from the floor, Jyn irritably grabbed the rest of the wine bottles on her counter and emptied them into the sink one-by-one. After she was done with the wine, she went to the beers in the fridge, thoroughly eliminating any temptation to drink. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to keep the pregnancy yet, but she didn’t want to do anything to hurt the baby in case she decided to keep it.

Curling up in bed with her mug of cocoa, she put Monty Python on the television. Her mother was British, and Jyn had oftentimes spent sick days and sleepless nights cuddled up in her mother’s arms on the couch, giggling at the silly postures and ridiculous voices that the actors would put on. Even now, years after her mother’s passing, Jyn would seek out Monty Python or Fawlty Towers when she needed some emotional comfort. She slowly drifted off to sleep with the show playing softly in the background.

* * *

 

            That night, Jyn dreamed.

            She was in a rocking chair in a nursery, cradling a tiny baby in her arms. Blue-eyed, as all little babies were, with a thick shock of dark hair topping its head. Jyn ran her fingertip along the baby’s cheek, feeling the tiny bumps of baby acne and smooth swatches of skin. The baby squirmed, and Jyn gently lifted the child to her shoulder, patting her back and inhaling the sweet scent that was inherently associated with infants. Her heart warmed as she felt the baby lay its cheek against her shoulder, and Jyn couldn’t remember ever being this happy in a dream.

            Jyn woke with a start, and instinctively pressed her hand to her stomach- her “baby bump” was the tiniest swell, hardly even worthy of the title. She felt more peaceful in the light of day. While she was still anxious about her current situation, somehow her dream had soothed her fears about what kind of mother she might be. It had been a gentle reminder that she had the strength and love in her to raise a child by herself. 

            Despite the assurance that she had received from the dream, she had her doubts; there were concerns beyond her own parenting skills to consider. As if to provide a physical manifestation of them, her nausea resurfaced. As Jyn sat in her bathroom with her face pressed to the cool porcelain of the toilet, she surmised that her situation came down to a choice: whether or not to remain hopeful.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn comes to a decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Posting a day early because tomorrow is going to be crazy busy for me, and I didn't want to keep you all waiting til Saturday! I have had an AWESOME week, which culminated with a sparked connection. Do y'all believe in fate? Because I definitely do, and this whole thing feels a little bit like fate to me. Anyways, my turtledoves, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and have a LOVELY weekend! I appreciate all your support and kind reviews!
> 
> Thanks to OhStardustGirl and Rebs Rising for serving as my betas! If you haven't seen it yet, RebsRising made an AWESOME moodboard for this fic- it's posted on my Tumblr (cowzforlife).

Chapter 4

            The weekend had come and gone, and Jyn wasn’t any closer to making up her mind about her next step. She had been plagued by nausea and anxiety, and had only left the bed to use the toilet and grab a fresh can of ginger ale. When Leia and Bodhi invited her out for Sunday brunch, she begged off, claiming that she had a stomach virus. She agonized about her situation. It was times like this that she wished she could have her mother with her, giving her loving advice and reassuring her that everything will be fine.

            She shook her head and leaned back at her desk. Sighing, she absent-mindedly rubbed her lower back while picking up the file for her next appointment. Landon Preston- a three-year-old boy with embryonal rhabdomyosarcoma. He had presented to Jyn six months ago for unusual swellings near his eyes. Fortunately, he had many factors in his favor, including his age and the location of his tumor, and Jyn was excited to tell his mother today that Landon was in remission.

            Jyn heard a knock at the door. “Come in,” she called.

            Bodhi opened the door, with Landon’s mother, Brittany, behind him. Brittany was carrying a casserole dish in her arms. Jyn’s stomach dropped. The smell of any food beyond saltines and ginger ale was making her feel nauseous today. She plastered a smile on her face that she hoped appeared genuine, and gestured for Brittany to sit down. Bodhi took Landon by the hand to go to one of the exam rooms down the hall.

            “Hi, Brittany, how are you doing today?”

            Brittany smiled back at Jyn. “I’m doing well, Dr. Erso- Landon has been doing really well the past few weeks. Also, I brought you a little something- Landon and I made some lasagna for you!”

            Brittany pulled back the foil off the top of the casserole dish. As the aroma of the pasta escaped from its container, Jyn felt a new wave of queasiness hit her. Eyes watering, she gripped the bottom of her desk, to no avail. She was retching into the trash can under her desk before she could stop herself.

            “Are you alright, Dr. Erso?” Brittany exclaimed, coming around the desk to rub Jyn’s back.

            Tears in her eyes, Jyn took a few deep inhalations through her mouth before quietly nodding. She grabbed a bottle of water off her desk, drinking some to cleanse her mouth of its sour aftertaste.

            “Thank you, Brittany, I really appreciate it! If you wouldn’t mind putting the foil back on the lasagna- I’ve been very sensitive to strong odors the past few weeks.”

            Brittany laughed. “It’s no problem. When I was pregnant, I couldn’t stand to even look at food for the first trimester.” She paused. “Not that it’s any of my business… but are congratulations in order?”

            Jyn blushed and looked down. “Yes, I am. Just over seven weeks pregnant.”

            “You must be very excited!”

            Jyn nodded shortly, and after a few moments pause, she asked, “Brittany, how has being a single mother been for you?”

            Brittany looked at Jyn pensively. “I chose to be a single mother, so my experience may be a bit different from other single mothers- I went through IVF to have him, as you know. I was as prepared as you can be when I finally got pregnant.”

            Sighing heavily, she said, “It has been really hard, especially over the past few months with his cancer diagnosis. Having a baby is expensive- I’m lucky that I’m in an executive position at my company, where I can afford to take time off and have excellent medical coverage. There are always people who judge you when you are a single mother- but you don’t seem the kind to care much about the judgments of others. Landon was a very big baby, which definitely made pregnancy and birth harder for me. But when he was born, and I held him for the first time? It made all the pain and discomfort worth it. Watching him grow up, being able to see the world through the eyes of someone completely new to it? That has been incredible. I never could find a partner to commit to seriously, but having Landon has made my heart full. Even with the past six months and the other bumps in the road that occur with parenthood, I wouldn’t change anything.”

            Jyn blinked. She hadn’t expected that impassioned of a response. Shifting, she took a shuddering breath, then said quietly, “Thank you for being so honest with me. I appreciate it. Now, shall we review Landon’s latest pathology results? I think you’ll be excited to hear them.”

            After Jyn had wrapped up her discussion of Landon’s results, they went down the hall to the exam room so that Jyn could visit with Landon. When they came into the room, Landon waved at Jyn, grinning widely while swaying his body back and forth.

            “Hi, Landon! What are you and Bodhi playing with today?”

            “Trains… Thomas is my favorite.”

            Bodhi walked over to Jyn, and muttered in her ear, “His vitals look good, the wound site from surgery is healing nicely. I need to step out- Carrie is having trouble placing an IV line on a patient, and the nurse with her paged me asking if I can help.”

            Jyn nodded, and Bodhi quickly left the room.

            Crouching down, Jyn began to play with Landon and his trains, casually inserting questions like, “How does your tummy feel?” or “Does your head hurt?” while laying down train tracks across the room. At the end of the appointment, Landon ran over and hugged Jyn. Taking the little boy in her arms, Jyn felt a surge of warmth and affection in her chest. In that moment, she knew that she had her answer.

            Jyn stood up. “Brittany, he’s doing really well. I couldn’t be more pleased with his recovery.”

            Brittany glowed, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

            “Up?”

            Jyn looked back down at Landon. He was holding his arms up to her. Jyn leaned down and picked him up, balancing him on her hip.

“You’re a natural already, Dr. Erso. You’ll be a great mother.”

            Handing Landon back to Brittany, Jyn murmured, “I hope so.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Back in her office, Jyn was disposing of the Planned Parenthood pamphlets, when she heard a knock at the door. She scrambled to shove the pamphlets further into her trash can.         

            "Come in!"

            Leia came through the door and unceremoniously plopped herself down on to the chair across from Jyn. Looking at Jyn sympathetically, she said, “Have you made any decisions yet?”

            Biting her lip, Jyn glanced up at Leia. “I’m keeping the baby.”

            Leia beamed, grasping one of Jyn’s hands in both of hers. “This is what you really want?”

            Jyn looked back into Leia’s soulful eyes. “It is. I’m scared shitless, but I want this.”

           Leia let out an undignified squeal, perhaps not appropriate for a gynecologist talking to her patient, but definitely appropriate for two best friends sharing exciting news. “You’re going to be a kickass mother, Jyn. And I’ll be here to help you every step of the way. We’ll get your apartment baby-proofed, I’ll go shopping for the baby with you, I can convince Han to help build baby furniture....”

            Looking dreamy for a moment longer, Leia snapped back into Dr. Organa mode. “We can get you in for your first pre-natal appointment as soon as Thursday, if you want to.”

            “Before we schedule the appointment, I need to tell Cassian. A pregnancy will be difficult to hide from him. What he wants won’t change my decision, but he has a right to know.”

            “When are you going to tell him?”

            Jyn fidgeted with one of the hair ties scattered across her desk. “I think I’m going to try to tell him tonight. The sooner I get it out there, the sooner we can figure shit out.”

            “Text me to let me know how it goes. And Jyn?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Be gentle with him. Cassian is a good guy, and I think he’ll want to be a part of this if you let him in.”

            After Leia left, Jyn sat back and groaned. She wasn’t even sure if “gentle” was part of her vocabulary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Cassian was wrapping up for the day, typing a few last reports at his desk, when the elevator opened.

            “We’re closed,” he called out jokingly.

            “Not even open for your favorite grumpy pediatric oncologist?”

            Cassian stiffened. He had not expected her down here this afternoon. The nonchalance of her tone grated against him- seeming to mock the sudden tension flooding through his body. His traitorous heart, of course, leapt with a frisson of excitement. He had the sudden, conflicting desires to push her away for hurting him, and to thank her for coming back to him.

            “We are closed indefinitely to grumpy pediatric oncologists.” Sensing no change in the air, he gritted his teeth in frustration, knowing that he hadn’t deterred her.

            “That’s a shame. Oh well. I’ll take myself and my dinner invite up to orthopedic surgery- I’m sure there’s some hot-shot resident who would be happy to take me up on it.” Jyn put the words out slowly, deliberately, trying to push his buttons.

            That caught his attention. He turned around, and what he saw made him take pause. Drinking in Jyn’s full form- she didn’t look well to him. Bags under her eyes, pale-faced… he had to hold back a smirk when he saw that Jyn’s eyes still fearlessly challenged him. Relenting, face flooding with concern, he murmured, “Are you alright, Jyn? You look like you need to go home and get some rest.”

           “Well, you certainly know how to make a girl feel special, Dr. Andor. Do you want to come and get dinner with me, or not?”

           He eyed her suspiciously, not missing her clear deflection. “What makes this evening different than three weeks ago?”

           Jyn was clearly becoming impatient- her body was tensing, her countenance downright agitated. Crossing her arms over her chest, she snapped, “I had a change of heart, Cassian. Sometimes those happen.” She couldn’t meet his gaze as the words came out of her mouth.

          Cassian didn’t believe her for one second- Jyn was like him, how he had been most of his life- typically brutally honest, but adept at lying when protecting herself. However, his curiosity had been piqued. He wanted to know what made Jyn tick, why she was suddenly so insistent on his presence in her life on this particular night.

        “Alright, give me a minute to wrap up this report, then we can go out. Where are we going, anyways?”

        Jyn sat down on one of the chairs at a nearby lab bench, turning back and forth on its axle. “I was hoping you might be interested in eating some lasagna back at my place?”

        Typing up the last of his findings, Cassian snorted. “Is that a euphemism?”

        Jyn glanced at him coyly. “Only if you want it to be.”

       Cassian felt himself getting hard, but knew with a sinking sense of disappointment that Jyn was most likely teasing him.

     “So…no?”

     “No.”

    “You’re a menace.”

    “You like it.”

    Not bothering to respond to that, he changed subjects. “Didn’t know that you cooked.”

   “I don’t. But one of my patients helped his Mom make lasagna for me, and while I’ve never said no to a plate of pasta, there is no way I can finish this all on my own.”

    He smiled. There was something quaint about a patient bringing food for Jyn. It reminded him of his childhood in Mexico, when patients unable to afford hospital care would bring his father (a local physician) eggs, fresh vegetables, whole chickens to thank him for his services. While adult Cassian recognized the injustice of a person not being able to afford a basic human right, as a child, he had loved seeing what his father’s patients would bring to appointments. Once, an older woman brought three freshly-hatched chicks. Handing them to Cassian, he could recall his Papa’s voice in his ear, telling him to hold them gently, not to squeeze them. “ _Dulcemente, Cassian_ ,” he murmured. “ _Ellos están muy frágil_.”

    He abruptly remembered that he was not alone in the room. Turning to Jyn, his mouth quirked at how she had turned herself around, legs wedged between the seat of the chair and its back, dangling  off the floor. Her chin resting on her hands, elbows propped up on the chair back. Smiling at him, eyes sparkling in a rare moment of vulnerability, she commented, “You looked like you were in another place for a moment there.”            

    Wistfully, he softly uttered, “I was.”

    Jyn glanced at him curiously, but made no comment.

   "By the way, you’re carrying the lasagna.”

   “I didn’t sign up for this,” he protested.

    Jyn’s mouth twisted, amused by his particular choice of phrase. His words echoed what she had felt all weekend. But Cassian didn’t need to see her tossing up this morning’s saltines on the pavement, so he was going to carry the damn lasagna.

    Despite his objections, Cassian did end up carrying the lasagna on the walk back to Jyn’s apartment. As Jyn unlocked her front door, she mentally braced herself, preparing for a conversation that would change their relationship and their lives.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn tells Cassian about the pregnancy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope all my American readers had a lovely Thanksgiving! I had a charming Thanksgiving, followed by a Friendsgiving where I thoroughly scolded my friend's date for anti-feminist sentiments. I had an AMAZING first date with this incredible guy last night. We stayed out for seven hours! 
> 
> Sorry for the late update, but it has been a busy few days for me (if you can't tell). I love cooking huge meals for my friend group, but that also means many dishes to clean up after! I hope that you all enjoy this chapter- thanks as always for your lovely comments. 
> 
> And thanks to my amazing beta readers, OhStardustGirl and RebsRising! :)

Chapter 5

            Coming through the door, Cassian smirked at how different this was compared to the last time. Instead of a passionate frenzy, he was loaded down with a massive dish of lasagna, and Jyn had a determined set to her step, rather than the haphazard stumbling of prior.

            “Where should I set this down?” he queried, raising the dish of lasagna for emphasis.

            Cassian winced as Jyn slid an old pizza box with magazines stacked on it off the counter into a loose garbage bag. He set down the lasagna in its newfound home, and looked around Jyn’s kitchen, noting how much it resembled a mailroom. His fingers itched to organize the carelessly strewn letters into neat stacks.

            Jyn cleared her throat. “Done judging my housekeeping skills?”

            Cassian grinned guiltily, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other. “Sorry, I’m just not used to clutter. It distracts me.”         

            “I’m not usually attentive enough to details like that for it to bother me. But that is probably why you’re such a great pathologist.”

            He blushed at the compliment. The ability to think in pictures, to carefully observe every detail before planning his next move, had been a motivating factor in his choice of profession. Sliding into a chair at the island in her kitchen, he stretched out.          

            “Can I get you some water? Milk? Pedialyte?” Jyn asked.

            “No wine or beer?” he inquired curiously. Jyn liked to drink, and he could have sworn that he saw a few bottles of wine on the counter last time he was here.

            “Yeah… I’ve decided to stop.”

            Cassian frowned, bemused. “Why?” Jyn had never struck him as a teetotaler. His question seemed to provoke something in her; she blanched and looked like she wanted to run from the room. Observing her reaction, the pieces began to slide together for him.

* * *

 

            Jyn took a deep breath. It was now or never- Cassian wasn’t dumb, she had to beat him to the punch.

            “Cassian, I’m pregnant.” Jyn white-knuckled the countertop, not quite ready to look up at him. When she dared to, he was staring at her, wide-eyed and more than a little pale.

            “Are you… joking?” he asked hesitantly.

            Jyn rolled her eyes impatiently. “No, I’m not joking. Surprise fake pregnancies aren’t in my repertoire of pranks to play on sexual partners.”

            She watched as Cassian exhaled a huge breath. She stared at the clock on her oven, the one that she had never set to the proper time, wondering how long the kitchen would be silent.

            “Is it mine?”

            “Actually, I just decided to invite you over here to tell you that I’m pregnant with another man’s baby.” When Cassian’s eyes flashed with just the barest hint of injury, Leia’s words echoed in her mind.

            _Be gentle._

            Drawing in a heavy breath, she put her face in her hands, leaning forward on the counter. “Yes, it’s yours, Cassian. You’re the father. I haven’t slept with anyone else in over two years, so unless my vibrator suddenly gained some new reproductive organs, it has to be you.”

            Cassian ran his hand over his face, as if the action would clear his mind of the thoughts racing through.

            “I thought you were on birth control…Depo-Provera.”

            Jyn snorted. “I was on birth control. But since I’m horribly disorganized when it comes to my personal affairs, I forgot to schedule my three-month appointment to get a new shot.”

            “When did you find out?”

            “Friday.”

            Understanding shone clearly in his eyes, acknowledgment of an apology left unsaid.

            “But I mean, even with the late shot… how could this happen?”

            “Well, when two people love each other, or are just ridiculously horny….” His glare and obvious lack of amusement cut her short.

            Running her fingers through her hair, Jyn murmured, “To be honest… a lot of stars had to align for this to happen. I don’t know if you have some kind of super sperm, or if my eggs just decided that this was it, but at my age and with all the conflicting factors, it’s pretty crazy it even occurred.”

            Cassian’s countenance softened as she spoke, though she didn’t miss his flicker of amusement at the words “super sperm”. “Jyn, I don’t know what you want to do, but whether you decide to have an abortion or keep the baby, I’ll support you completely.” Pausing, he then asked, “Have you made a decision?”

            Pressing a palm to her stomach, Jyn answered, “I’m keeping the baby. I’m 32, and while I don’t know what’s in the cards for me romantically, I do know that I want a family of my own. I guess this is as good a place as any to start. But I want you to know that even though I’m keeping the baby, I’m not going to obligate you to take care of it or be involved if that’s not what you want. It was my mistake that led to this, and I don’t want you to have to pay the consequences. I’ve spent most of my life on my own, so if this isn’t any different, I’ll be alright.”

            Cassian waited patiently as Jyn spoke. She appreciated this about him- he never cut her off, he always listened when she spoke to him. When she was done, he stared at her appraisingly for a few moments, as if weighing out her words in his mind, before responding lowly, and a little shyly.

            “Jyn, if you’ll let me, I want to be involved with this, I want to be with you all the way.”

            She glanced up, surprised. “You want this?”

            Giving her his little half-smile, he said, “I have wanted a family for a long time, but there was never the right person or the right moment. This is unconventional, and definitely unexpected… but I’m excited.” Looking at his face, she could see that there was no deception in his words. He was veritably beaming.

            Jyn picked up the dish of lasagna, starting it heating in her microwave. “So, how will all of this work?”

            “How far along are you…six, seven weeks?”

            Jyn was about to respond, when the odor of the lasagna hit her. “No,” she groaned, as a wave of nausea flared its tendrils into her esophagus. Scared to open her mouth, she tried to quell it by breathing deep through her nose… and at that point, all bets were off. Jyn raced to the bathroom, hearing Cassian call her name in an alarmed tone. She got to the toilet just in time to push up the seat and start retching. After a moment, she sensed Cassian’s presence at the door frame.

            “Jyn?” His voice was thick with concern. 

            She flapped her hand at him, hoping that might be enough to alleviate his concerns. But a few moments later he was at her side, gently rubbing her back. She finally pulled back from the toilet, gasping, with tears running down her face.

            “Do you have a washcloth?” he murmured.

            She hummed in affirmation, and pointed towards the cabinet next to the shower. She closed her eyes, listening to him rummage through the cabinet and run some water in the bathroom sink. She sighed with relief when she felt a cool cloth dabbing at her face.

            “Would you like a cup of water to rinse your mouth with?” he asked.

            She nodded weakly, and heard him walk back towards the kitchen. It was official- she did not deserve Cassian Andor. Leaning her head against the cool wall, she began to drift off when she heard Cassian whispering her name. She dutifully sipped some water when he held it to her lips, slowly cracking her eyes open.

            He was crouched in front of her, eyeing her worriedly. “I’m going to go to the drugstore across the street to get some things for your nausea. Will you be alright until I get back?”

            “Cassian… you don’t have to do that,” she protested feebly. “I’ll be alright, it’s been like this for a week and I’ve survived so far.”

            Cassian stood up, clearly not taking her objections seriously. “Jyn, just because you can survive on your own doesn’t mean you should. Let me take care of you, you’re sick.”

            He grabbed a bath towel from the cabinet, rolled it up, and helped Jyn lay down so that her head was resting on the towel. With quiet reassurances that he would be back soon, she listened as the front door closed. Shutting her eyes, she tried to distract herself from her resurfacing nausea by gritting her teeth and reviewing tomorrow’s appointments in her head. Finally, after what felt like hours, she heard the front door open. Vaguely, she considered the idea that it could in fact be a burglar, before she heard the lock click neatly shut. Most likely not a home invasion then. The call of “Jyn, I’m back” confirmed that it was Cassian returning.

            Coming into the bathroom, she heard the crinkle of a paper bag hitting the floor. She felt Cassian’s warm palm on her face. “How are you feeling?”

            “Like shit” she muttered.

            He let out a quick laugh. “I thought it might be good to take you out to the living room, get you comfortable on the couch.”

            Jyn slowly sat  up, and another wave of dizziness hit her. Swaying, she murmured, “I think I came up too fast.”

            He looked to her sympathetically, then requested that she wrap her arms around his neck. After her arms were secured there, he scooped her up in his arms, carrying her back to the couch and setting her down there.

            “Do you want a blanket or anything to cover you up?”

            She shook her head. Observing him as he walked back towards the kitchen with a bag from CVS, she was impressed at how quiet his footfalls were. She heard the telltale hiss of a bottle of soda being opened, and clinks and clatters from her plates and glasses being shifted around in the cabinet. “I hope it’s ginger ale” she called. “I hate Sprite.”

            Bless him, he returned to the room with a cup of cold ginger ale, and a plate of saltines. “You may want to talk to Leia about getting some metoclopramide or ondansetron for your nausea. In the meantime, I got you some famotidine and Pepto at the drug store. Hopefully it’ll help to make you feel better.”

            Handing her the pills, Jyn gingerly swallowed them with the soda. She smiled at him, “I’m impressed that you remember so much pharmacology, especially since you never have to use it.”

            Grinning back at her, he rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “Before I did my pathology residency, I did two years of an emergency medicine residency. I saw a lot of pregnant women come in with hyperemesis gravidarum.”

            Jyn raised her eyesbrows. “You did half of an emergency medicine residency?”

            Sighing, he plopped down on the couch next to her. “Try to eat a saltine. You need to keep food in your stomach. But yes, I did half of an emergency medicine residency. I was very drawn to the adrenaline rush, the fast-paced environment.”

            “What made you change your mind?”

            “I got so used to seeing shooting victims, patients with strokes, CHF. A lot of my patients died, and while it wasn’t my fault that they died, it began to weigh on me. I got burned out. One of the attendings I worked closely with noticed. She was the first one to suggest that I spend a few weeks in the pathology lab. I knew almost immediately pathology was a better fit for me, but it took me a year to actually decide to apply for pathology residencies and make the change.”

            He was silent for a few more moments, but Jyn could tell he was deliberating on whether or not to say more. When he continued, he said, “It’s one of the things that I most admire about you… that you haven’t gotten burned out. You still have this hope, and it is so infectious. You see horrible cases each week, but never stop fighting for your patients.”

            Jyn bit her lip, surprised. She had never thought of herself as a particularly inspiring figure. She was just a physician, doing her job, trying to do what was right by her patients. She turned, looked into his eyes, trying to communicate the words that wouldn’t come to her. He reached up and gently squeezed her shoulder in response.

            Of course, right then, Jyn burped. Loudly. Completely ruining the moment. Her face blushed bright red, and Cassian snickered, unable to contain his mirth. Once he reined in his laughter, he soothingly intoned, “It’s all right, Jyn, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You aren’t feeling well.”

            She grumbled something unintelligible in response.

            “Since you aren’t feeling well, I was wondering if I should stay over? Keep an eye on you? I don’t want you getting up in the middle of the night and falling from another dizzy spell.”

            Jyn slid her eyes in his direction, and said, “Just so you know, sex is the furthest thing from my mind right now.”

            He rolled his eyes at her. “I wasn’t thinking about having sex with you, Jyn. I just want to make sure that you and the baby are okay. I’ll even sleep on the couch in here.”

            “Don’t be ridiculous. We’ve already had sex. You can sleep in the bed with me.”

            Cassian checked his watch. “It’s 6:45... we’ve got a few hours before bed. Want to watch a movie?”

            Jyn shrugged. “Sure. What do you want to watch?”

* * *

 

            They decided to watch the new Star Wars movie on Netflix. Cassian went to the kitchen when his stomach began to grumble loudly- he didn’t want to bring lasagna into the living room and risk upsetting Jyn’s stomach again. As he cut into his generous slab of pasta, he considered that afternoon’s events.

            A baby. He was going to be a father, assuming everything went well. A few years ago, it seemed like all of Cassian’s former peers from medical school and residency started reproducing at once. As he saw photos of their babies and children at dinners out, played with their kids at summer barbecues, he became aware that he wanted a family of his own. He had yet to find the right person to start a family with, but didn’t feel an impending sense of urgency. Male reproductive biology didn’t really come with an expiration date.

            The idea of having a baby with Jyn, though… it terrified him and excited him. Outside the realm of him becoming a father, he couldn’t help but dwell on the implications that this might have for their future romantically. As much as Jyn’s initial rejection had hurt, he would take her back if she wanted him. And while Jyn seemed to frequently be flying by the seat of her pants, Cassian was careful, a methodical planner. He had always anticipated that having a baby would involve serious discussions about the responsibilities of parenthood, expectations of each other, a plan for exactly when the best time to have a baby would be. This was all moving so quickly, and for the first time in a long time, Cassian did not feel like he was in control.            

            He was torn from his thoughts by a dramatic cry of, “NO!” from the living room. Dropping the fork in his hand, he dashed to Jyn, only to find her curled up in a tearful ball on the couch.

            “Jyn, are you okay?” he asked urgently.

            She nodded, lower lip wobbling. “It’s just so sad…. This sweet little pilot in the movie was just blown up by a grenade, and now it doesn’t look like they’ll have any way to get off the base. It’s so unfair.”

            Trying not to grin in amusement at this unexpectedly emotional side of Jyn, he sat down next to her on the couch, holding out an arm invitingly for her. Watching him warily, Jyn tentatively settled into the crook of his arm, muscles tense.

            “You scared me,” he murmured quietly.

            “Sorry,” she muttered.

            They watched until the end of the movie in silence, and Jyn cried as the two rebels held each other on the beach, waiting for the explosion to overtake them. Cassian did not cry, but did feel a twinge of sadness in his chest that the ill-fated heroes had never gotten to experience a life together.

            Cassian looked down at Jyn affectionately. “It’s 9:30. Do you want to go to bed, try to get some rest?”

            Jyn nodded, covering up a yawn with the crook of her elbow. She slid off the couch, tentatively testing her balance before walking to the bathroom. Cassian groaned loudly when he realized Jyn had not shut the door behind her when she went to pee.

            “Isn’t it a little early for this step?” he called pleadingly.

            “Cassian, in approximately 7-8 months you will see my lady bits contort in ways you never thought possible. And that is not meant to sound sexy. This is the least of your worries.”

            Closing his eyes wearily, Cassian leaned back onto the plush grey couch. He felt certain that Jyn Erso would be the death of him.

* * *

 

            That night, lying in bed next to Cassian, Jyn couldn’t stop thinking about the baby. She was excited about it, but she kept coming back to the idea that she didn’t know how to be a mother. She knew what to look for in babies that was abnormal, how to make them giggle even when they were sick, how to swaddle a fussy newborn, tips and tricks for potty-training a stubborn toddler. But when it came to the less concrete details of motherhood- how to make a child feel loved and valued, how to make a child feel safe and secure, when to hold tight and when to let go- Jyn didn’t have the slightest clue.

            “Cassian?” she whispered. He hummed in response.

            “I’m scared.”

            Cassian rolled over to gaze at her, his face barely illuminated in the moonlight shining through the window. “What’s scaring you, Jyn?”

            “I’m scared that I won’t be a good mother. I’m scared that I’m going to fuck this up.” She hated herself in that moment, hated how tears were threatening to spill out of her eyes, just another tell of weakness, vulnerability. Cassian reached out, swiped a thumb across her cheekbone, smearing away fresh tears.

            “I’m scared too, Jyn. Not being able to plan this, control it- that’s new territory for me.”

            Grabbing Jyn’s hand, he quietly reassured her. “A good friend of mine who had a baby last year told me that if you aren’t scared when you get pregnant, then you aren’t comprehending what a huge life change having a baby is. I think it’s good that we’re scared. It means that we are taking this seriously.”

            Jyn nodded, beginning to feel a little sleepy. Cassian looked at her earnestly. “You’re not alone in this, Jyn. I’ll help you figure it out, every step of the way.”

            She felt an unusual sense of safety envelope her as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

            The next morning, Cassian awoke to the sound of Jyn gagging into the toilet. Rolling out of bed, he padded to the bathroom.

            “How long have you been here?”

            She sniffled, irritably wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “About ten minutes.”

            Cassian picked up the washcloth from last night, ran it under the faucet again. Smoothing the cool cloth across her face, he asked, “So… have you told your parents yet?”

            Jyn’s expression cooled, and her eyes flashed with hurt for a bare second before taking on a stony expression. “My parents are both dead.”

            Cassian could almost hear Kay’s sarcastic tone in his head, mocking. “Well done, Cassian.” Swallowing anxiously, he softly muttered an apology to her.

            “Well, it’s not your fault that they aren’t here.”

            He tipped his head in acknowledgment. He focused his attentions on cleaning her face, and got up to get her some water from the kitchen. Watching Jyn swish the water in her mouth, he suddenly said, “Mine too.”

            She squinted at him, cocked her head to the side.

            “My parents are dead, too.”

            Jyn’s mouth twisted into a soured expression that he was sure had nothing to do with the morning sickness. Bitterly, she remarked, “Well, I guess that means we can’t rely on grandparents for babysitting.”

            Cassian’s mouth drew into a thin line, and his jaw twitched. He felt sure that Jyn’s flippancy on the subject was an act, but that didn’t make it nettle any less. Looking up at her dolefully, he took the empty glass from the floor where she had set it and walked back to the kitchen. A few moments later, he heard light footsteps rush to the kitchen.

            “I’m sorry, Cassian. That was a terrible thing to say.”

            “Then why would you say it?”

            She paused. Cassian aggressively scrubbed at the glass in the sink while waiting for her response.

            “I’m still angry at my parents. Especially my father. Angry at how they left me, angry at having to do most everything on my own.”

            Hissing when the water from the faucet scalded the back of his hand, Cassian spun around suddenly. “You aren’t the only one who has lost everything, Jyn. I lost my parents when I was six years old, and you don’t see me lashing out at others for it. Some of us decided not to wallow in it.” With that, Cassian stomped out of the kitchen.

            He muttered angrily to himself in Spanish as he jerked his pants on. After dressing, he ran his fingers through his thick hair, trying to tame it as much as possible. Fortunately, there was a shower in the pathology locker room, and spare scrubs in his locker. He could make himself look professional if he slipped into work undetected. When he rushed out the front door of Jyn’s apartment, he saw her still standing in the kitchen, looking stunned. He didn’t stop to say goodbye.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian deal with the aftermath of their argument, and go to their first prenatal appointment!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I am SO sorry for taking so long to update. Finals week has really gotten the best of me, y'all. I'm 18 pages into a paper on the production and history of Greek yogurt with no end in sight. 
> 
> Real talk sidebar: I just want all the ladies out there (single and otherwise) to know that you DESERVE an orgasm in every sexual encounter that you have, especially if you are putting forth the effort to be a generous partner! Don't settle for less! Some fuckboy hit me up the other day and seriously wanted me to drive out to his place to deliver the goods, but wasn't willing to reciprocate. That shit did NOT fly with me. Find your own Cassian Andor, Cunnilingus addict. YOU DESERVE IT. 
> 
> I hope that this update finds you all well, and that you all enjoy it! Until next time! (Hopefully next time will be this Friday when finals are over).

Chapter 6

            When Cassian arrived at work, he was greeted by Kay, who examined his appearance critically.

            “Cassian, those are the same clothes that you wore yesterday.”

            “Yes, they are.”

            “You also haven’t showered.”

            “No, I haven’t”

            “Did you have sexual intercourse last night?”

            Cassian winced. He _really_ didn’t want to have this discussion with Kay, especially this early in the morning. “No, my washing machine is broken.”

            “Is your shower also broken? I’ve found your behavior unusually erratic these past few weeks, Cassian. Is there anything you’d like to tell me?”

            Cassian tensed. He hadn’t wanted to tell Kay anything about sleeping with Jyn, and he didn’t particularly want to announce Jyn’s pregnancy to a lot of people when it was still so early. However, he needed someone to confide in, and there was no one he trusted more than Kay. He sighed wearily before choosing to take the path of honesty.

            “Yeah, there is, Kay. Can you meet me in my office during our lunch hour today?”

            Kay raised his eyebrows. Cassian never used his actual office- he spent all day working at his lab bench and typing up notes on the lab desktop. The only memory Kay had of Cassian using it was when he had to tell a colleague in oncology that she had breast cancer. Nodding, Kay hesitated for a moment before squeezing Cassian’s shoulder and walking off.

* * *

 

            Stepping under the stream of hot water in the locker room shower, Cassian slicked back his hair and closed his eyes. He kept replaying that morning’s conversation with Jyn in his head, and as angry as he was with her, he couldn’t help but worry as well. Jyn wasn’t just a colleague who he had feelings for now- she was also the mother of his child. He felt a twinge of guilt when he reflected on the look of shock plain on her face as he raged and stomped out her front door. He hadn’t wanted to upset her, but what she said had been like a punch to the gut for him. Jyn may have resentment towards her parents, but Cassian would give anything to have his parents here with him.

            Having lost both of his parents at such a young age, Cassian had always had an idealized vision of who they were, what their involvement in his life today might look like. In his mind’s eye, he saw his parents joyfully holding their grandchild. His mother, hair tied back in a neat knot, would smile at him lovingly, place her hand on his cheek. His father, bursting with pride, would nod at him with warmth deep in his eyes.

            He had tears running down his face. Planting an open palm against the cool tile of the shower, he pressed the pads of his fingertips into the smooth surface, trying desperately to rein in his emotions. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried. Breathing deeply through his nose, he grounded himself. He couldn’t afford to make mistakes in his work- lives were on the line. While at his lab bench, he couldn’t be Cassian Andor, a man pursuing a woman that drove him crazy. He had to be calm and collected- a professional. He turned off the water and briskly dried off. Slipping back into his familiar mask of composure, he was ready to face the day in his role as the equanimous pathologist.

* * *

 

            Jyn was disgusted with herself.

            As a child and teenager, she had become used to people not sticking around. And when she reached adulthood, it was something she came to expect, to the point that she would actively drive lovers away to save herself from disappointment. Jyn had boyfriends in college, men attracted to her fiery temperament, her wild passion. But once she had bedded them, she let her hardened, sharp edges show. Usually, the first few cutting comments would be enough to deflate their egos and send them running.

            Cassian was different. He thought her irritability was funny, her sarcasm seemed to slide off him like oil on water. Apparently Jyn couldn’t let sleeping dogs lie. She just _had_ to dig in where she knew it would hurt, almost like she had planned this. That she had made patient, kind, _good_ Cassian fly into a rage said enough about the type of woman she was. She didn’t deserve him. She certainly didn’t deserve to have him as the father of her child.

            While he had told her last night that he was scared, Jyn had a difficult time believing it. Cassian was perpetually unruffled. Their child would be lucky to have him as a father, especially considering it had the comparatively poor option of her as its mother. Maybe she should just give the baby to Cassian, let the little nugget have a fighting chance at a normal life. Let Cassian have a good life with someone who deserved him.

            As she spiraled into further self-loathing, she imagined Cassian, holding their pretty dark-haired baby (because this baby would be _beautiful_ ). Wrapped in his other arm was a stunning blonde woman, smiling up at him adoringly, treating him the way he should be treated. She probably had a roast chicken with mashed potatoes ready on the dinner table for him. She was elegant, her hair was perfectly coiffed, and her bra always matched her panties. She definitely didn’t pee with the door open.

            Splashing her face with water from the kitchen faucet, Jyn tried to clear her mind. She dug her nails into her palm until the tears collecting at the corners of her eyes receded. She needed to focus on her patients. Striding to her bedroom, she grabbed some clean scrubs from the laundry basket, clipping her hospital badge onto the top pocket of the shirt. She sighed as she toed on her favorite work clogs, feeling the soles cradle her feet. Pulling her hair into a sensible pony tail, she walked to the kitchen counter. She felt a pang in her chest when she saw a box of saltines with a post-it slapped on top.

            “EAT THESE!” the Post-it announced loudly in Cassian’s handwriting. “You’ll thank me later” was written in smaller script at the bottom.

            She grabbed the box and rushed out the door.

            While waiting at a crosswalk on her walk to the hospital, Jyn tapped out a text to her group chat with Bodhi and Leia.

            “ _Lunch in my office today?”_

            Within seconds, Leia’s affirmative response popped up. Typical- Leia was probably already in her office. She made it a habit to be 30 minutes early for everything- or as Jyn called it, “early to being early”. Bodhi’s cheerful confirmation came a few moments later, punctuated with excessive exclamation points.

            Riding the elevator up to her floor and gingerly nibbling at a saltine, Jyn repeated an insistent mantra in her head. “ _Don’t think of Cassian ‘til lunch, don’t think of Cassian ‘til lunch_ …”. And while she recognized that her attempts to follow through on this would most likely be in vain, a girl could try, right?

* * *

 

            “I brought this for you. You look tired.”

            Cassian looked up as Kay set a cup from the best local coffee shop on his desk. He smiled, nodding his thanks. The hospital coffee was notoriously terrible- many residents had gotten ulcers after one too many cups.

            Kay slid into the chair across from Cassian’s desk. A small cloud of dust puffed up around him as he did so, as though the chair was protesting its unexpected use. Cassian took a few long drags from the cup before starting into their conversation.

            “I haven’t been completely honest with you, Kay.”

            Before he could continue, Kay said, “I know.” Cassian closed his eyes. He knew that he couldn’t disguise anything from his closest friend.

            “A month ago, I slept with Jyn Erso. It was after the hospital mixer.”

            “I take it that it did not go well. I’m shocked. She always seemed so consistent and predictable to me.” A puddle could have formed with all the sarcasm dripping from Kay’s voice.

            Irritated, Cassian growled, “Not now, Kay.”

            Kay rolled his eyes in vague annoyance, waved his hand like he was swatting a gnat. “Very well, go on.”

            Gritting his teeth, Cassian steeled himself for Kay’s next reaction. “I went over to Jyn’s apartment last night. She’s pregnant.”

            At that, Kay’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you sure that it’s yours?”

            Huffing with vexation, Cassian snapped back, “Yes, it is mine. Jyn is many things, a liar is not one of them.”

            An awkward silence precipitated between them. Cassian rubbed his temples with his fingertips, while Kay had his “data processing” face on.

            “Is she going to keep the fetus?”

            Grimacing at Kay’s choice of words, he nodded. Cassian had never had an objection to using the word “fetus” before, but now, when speaking about his baby… it sounded too clinical, too impersonal. While the scientist in him knew the baby looked more like a tiny deformed lizard than an infant at this point, the father in him objected to the word “fetus” as a descriptor for his child. He already had so many emotions associated with the tiny lizard person growing inside of Jyn - he didn’t think he could ever view it clinically again.

            “Do you know the rate of failure for relationships based on one night stands with subsequent pregnancies?”

            “No, Kay… I don’t think I want to know.”

            “It’s high. It’s very high.”

            Cassian glared at Kay. “I know that you don’t like Jyn, and you may think I’ve lost my mind, but I want to be a father, and for some ridiculous reason, I also want Jyn. You’re my closest friend, Kay… I need your support in this. Jyn needs your support as well.”

            Kay’s face dropped into a rare, soft expression. Sighing resignedly, he grumpily promised Cassian that he would try his best to be pleasant to Jyn.

            “And mind you, it’s not for _her_. It’s because I want you to be happy.”

            Looking over at Kay, he felt a surge of affection for his friend. While Kay could be snarky and downright difficult to deal with at times, he was unwaveringly loyal to Cassian. Cassian ran his fingers through his hair.

            “Kay, I need to go upstairs now and talk to Jyn. We left things on a… bad note this morning, and I don’t want her to get herself too worked up over it.”

            Kay gestured to the door. “Don’t let me stop you.”

            As Cassian made his way out the door, Kay called over his shoulder.

            “Cassian? Thanks for trusting me.”

            “Anytime, Kay.”

* * *

 

            When Jyn sat down for lunch, she was exhausted. She had slept well the night before, but she felt like she needed three more nights of sleep before she could fully function. Her stomach was still queasy- a man must have named it morning sickness, because anyone who had ever been pregnant would know that it doesn’t stop in the morning.

            As she cracked open a can of ginger ale, Bodhi bounced through the door, grinning widely. Following shortly behind him was Leia.

            “Guess who’s going on a date with Luke Skywalker this weekend?!” effused Bodhi.

            Leia pulled him in for a quick hug, expressing her excitement in loud, affectionate terms. Jyn smiled watching the two of them. She was so introverted, but these two more than made up for her lack of external expression. Pulling out a saltine from the packet, Jyn stared it down as if daring it to come back up once she swallowed it. Sipping delicately on her ginger ale, she watched as Leia’s focus shifted from Bodhi to her.

            “How did it go last night?” asked Leia.

            “How did WHAT go?” inquired Bodhi suspiciously. Leia clapped her hand over her mouth, realizing she had made a mistake.

            Taking a deep breath, Jyn blurted out, “Bodhi, I’m pregnant.”

            Bodhi sat, blinked once, twice, three times. Opened his mouth, then closed it back. Finally, he said, “You are fucking with me.” Looking to Leia for confirmation, his incredulous expression became more pronounced. After another moment of digesting this new information, he exclaimed, “I’m going to be an uncle?!”

            Jyn grinned. “In about 7 to 8 months, yes.”

            “JYN! Why didn’t you tell me? We need to get everything in your apartment ready for the baby, need to make sure that you have all the right winter clothing for him or her, get you set up with all the breastfeeding equipment that you need….”

            Jyn cut him off, smiling at him affectionately. “Bodhi, it’s not like the baby is coming next week! I only found out on Friday. I didn’t want to tell everyone until I knew what I wanted to do. Plus, I needed to tell Cassian first.”

            Bodhi’s eyes expanded to the size of saucers. “So…wait. _Cassian_ is the father? You’re having a baby with him? How does he feel about it? Also, this baby will be so pretty.”

            Jyn was hating many of the changes that had come with her pregnancy thus far- however, crying at the drop of the hat was easily her least favorite development. As soon as Bodhi brought up Cassian’s feelings on the subject, Jyn burst into tears. All the stress of that morning’s argument came back to her.

            Leia, looking very alarmed, rushed to Jyn’s side and rubbed her back soothingly. Bodhi had a guilty expression on his face. “Jyn, honey… what’s wrong? Did it go badly last night?” As an aside to Bodhi, Leia murmured, “She told Cassian about the baby last night.”

            Bodhi nodded sympathetically, reached over and grabbed Jyn’s hand. “Jyn, it’ll be okay. If he doesn’t want this baby, fuck him. Leia and I will help you raise the baby. I’ll move in with you! It can be our baby! Everything will be okay.”

            Between sniffles, Jyn gasped out, “No, no. He wants the baby. He was _so nice_.”

            Leia frowned. “Then why are you crying?”

            Jyn slipped into a fresh wave of tears, silently cursing the surge of estrogen in her body that was causing her weepiness. After about five minutes of crying, she was able to calm herself. Bodhi handed her a tissue, and Leia was crouched down beside Jyn’s chair. With their eyes fixed on her, Jyn told them what had passed during the argument that morning.

            After she was done, Bodhi murmured, “Well, shit.”

            Leia’s lips were pressed together, and Jyn could tell her friend was holding back, not wanting to upset her further. After a beat, Leia spoke.

            “Jyn, that was… a really shitty thing to say.”

            Jyn groaned in frustration. “I know. I hate myself for it. I hate myself for being this way, for never trusting people, for constantly pushing them away. Being socially inappropriate and occasionally cruel is my best defense mechanism.”

            Bodhi piped up next. “While Leia is right, dwelling on this mess fixes nothing. So what are you going to do to try and fix it?”

            Cracking a watery smirk, Jyn joked, “Well, there’s nothing that a well-timed blow job can’t fix.” Even as she said the words, her nausea resurfaced at the thought of putting anything besides a saltine in her mouth.

            “Jyn” intoned Leia sternly. “You have to fix this. Like an adult.”

            Jyn rolled her eyes. “I know, Leia. I was going to go down to the lab later, see if he’d be up for talking tonight. Give him some insight into my fucked-up psyche.”

            Leia relaxed, clearly satisfied with Jyn’s response. Jyn chewed her lip nervously. She hated discussing her life and her feelings with others. While she was characteristically blunt, being willingly vulnerable was another can of worms. One that she was scared to open.

* * *

 

            A few hours later, she heard a knock on her office door. Jyn looked up, surprised. She wasn’t supposed to have any appointments this afternoon- she had blocked out this period of time to review treatment plans and read through genetic testing reports for her patients.

            “Come in.”

            When the door opened, Cassian was on the other side. He looked nervous, worried even. His brow was furrowed, and his thin lips were slightly downturned. When he saw Jyn, he relaxed almost imperceptibly, and his eyes gained a sheepish look.

            “I heard you crying earlier.”

            Jyn flushed, angry and embarrassed. “Hanging outside my office again? What’s your excuse this time?”

            “I realized that I didn’t have your phone number… and I was worried about you. I hate how we left things this morning. I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly.”

            Jyn grimaced at the thoughts of Cassian storming out of her apartment. Just like every man in her life before him, he had left when things got tough. “It’s nothing I’m not used to,” she admitted quietly.

            His gaze softened, deep brown eyes baleful. “I don’t want to be like everyone else.”

            Sighing, Jyn distracted herself with doodling on a corner of a notepad. She had to think of the baby, what would be best for the baby. “Look, this probably isn’t the best place to talk about this, since my emotions are about as stable as a lit stick of dynamite. Can we go to one of our places tonight and talk it out?”

            Cassian nodded. Jyn looked tired and fragile in that moment. He wanted to walk over and hold her, but knew that it wouldn’t be professional. Instead, he settled for an agreement to meet at his car after work so they could go to his place.

* * *

 

            The car ride back to his place that evening was quiet. Cassian typically drove in a method that Kay described as “terrifyingly uncalculated”. However, with Jyn in his passenger seat and their baby inside her, he made a more conscious effort to be careful. He hadn’t even started up the vehicle until Jyn had buckled her seatbelt, prompting an exaggerated eyeroll from her.

            As they sat at a stoplight, Jyn commented, “You drive like an old lady. Literally everyone is passing you.”

            White-knuckling the steering wheel, Cassian snarked back, “Would you like to drive?” For whatever reason, Jyn did not have a driver’s license, and Cassian knew that this comment would really irritate her.

            Instead of irritated, Jyn looked panicked for a moment, before restoring a face of indifference. “No, you can keep driving.”

            When they got to his apartment- a two-bedroom unit forming one half of a duplex- Cassian tried to help Jyn out of the car, only for her to wave him off. Shrugging his shoulders, he walked ahead and opened up the door to his place. When they got inside, Jyn sat down at the table in the corner of Cassian’s kitchen. Cassian went to his fridge and pulled out a can of ginger ale for her, setting it down in front of her.

            “Thanks,” she murmured.

            They sat there for a few moments, silence weighing heavily between them. Jyn spoke first.

            “Look, Cassian… I’m really sorry about what I said this morning. I know it was a shitty thing to say. Just…sometimes it’s easier to push people away than to let them see what I feel.”

            Cassian had been watching Jyn, but seeing the hurt in her eyes, the pain…that had forced him to look away. In that moment, his greatest desire was to find who had made Jyn this way, and shake them. Her reaction in the car, and the look on her face now spoke of a past of shattering trauma that he had no way to repair. He was just left to pick up the pieces and hold them together as best he could.

            “Jyn, we can’t keep hurting each other. There has to be a better way. We’re bringing a baby into the world… we _can’t_ fight like this all the time. I’m not asking you to bare your soul to me, but you need to trust me enough not to push me away.” He grasped her hand in his. “I told you- I’m with you all the way. I meant it.”

            Unbidden, a tear slipped down Jyn’s cheek. She bit the inside of her lip, refusing to look anywhere except the window. She knew that the levee would break if she saw Cassian’s face in that moment.

            Understanding that this was the most he would get from Jyn, Cassian squeezed her hand once more, then went to the cabinet to pull out a box of saltines. Setting a packet in front of her, her murmured, “How has your stomach been this afternoon?”

            Jyn shook her head. “No change, really. Just barely avoiding the nausea. I had no idea that it could be this bad for some women.”

            “We can talk with Leia about it at your next appointment.”

            From there, they settled into a more comfortable rhythm, with Jyn filling Cassian in on when her next appointment would be, and Cassian occasionally encouraging Jyn to eat some more saltines. After Cassian had made and eaten a sandwich for his dinner, he and Jyn went to the living room where he read a pathology journal while she laid down and watched a movie on TV.

            Around 9 PM, Cassian yawned. “I’m tired, do you want to stay here tonight?” Jyn shrugged. She was exhausted, and it was comforting to have Cassian around when she was feeling sick.

            “Alright, well… You can sleep in my bedroom, and I’ll sleep in the guest bed. The bed in my room is much more comfortable, so you’ll get a good night’s sleep.”

            Jyn forced down the twinge of hurt that moved through her chest when Cassian announced that they wouldn’t be sharing a bed. Was he trying to distance himself from her? Not that she didn’t deserve it. “Do you have a shirt I can sleep in?”

            Cassian nodded, and Jyn followed him to his bedroom. She almost laughed at how precisely organized his drawers were. He tossed a t-shirt to her, and she began to strip out of the scrub pants she was wearing before he even left the room. Bending forward, she waited to see if she could elicit a response from him. She didn’t miss the way his jaw tightened at the action, and fought back a smirk.

            “Good night, Jyn,” he called from the door.

            “Good night, Cassian,” she called back as she shimmied into his t-shirt and tucked herself under his comforter. Closing her eyes, sleep came quickly.

* * *

 

            The next morning, Cassian woke up to the sound of Jyn vomiting. Rolling over, he checked the time on his phone. 5:00 AM. About an hour earlier than he would usually get up, but he wasn’t going to leave Jyn alone while she was sick. Throwing the covers back, he padded over to the bathroom shared between the two bedrooms.

            Crouching down beside Jyn, he whispered, “Hey”. Jyn looked up at him, pale-faced and watery-eyed.

            “You didn’t have to get up,” she said.

            As Cassian wet a washcloth in the sink, he murmured, “I wanted to get up.”

            Dabbing around her mouth gently, he rubbed her back as a new wave of nausea hit. He tried to ignore that Jyn’s bare legs were touching up against his, and that even in this state, she looked really sexy in his t-shirt. The edge of her blue panties peeked out from underneath the hemline of his t-shirt.

            Shaking his head, he got up to get Jyn a glass of water. He needed to get his mind out of the gutter. When Jyn had started undressing in front of him the night before, it had required a lot of self-restraint to not cross the room and pull her to him, run his hands up and down her naked thighs. He could have sworn that she was teasing him when she bent forward provocatively while taking off her socks, but Jyn had told him she wasn’t interested in sex, and he was going to respect her wishes.

            Cassian closed his eyes in frustration when he realized that he now was standing in his kitchen with an erection. As he filled up a cup of water for Jyn, he tried to think of the least sexy things possible… cleaning the cryostat… meeting with Draven about a journal publication… tissue samples for necrotizing fasciitis. He sighed with relief when his erection finally receded. Coming back to the bathroom, Jyn was leaning against the wall, and of course her legs were spread wide apart, where he could see the outline of the inviting womanhood that lay between her thighs.      

            “ _Get it together, Cassian_ ,” he berated himself. “ _She’s sick. Stop thinking about her like this_.”

            Handing the glass to Jyn, Cassian turned around, desperately trying to find his bathrobe to cover up, when her voice broke the silence.   “Feeling good this morning, aren’t we?’ Jyn croaked humorously. She nodded towards what Cassian could only assume was his erection. He flushed bright red.

            “Yeah… you know… full bladder, all that.” He wished that the floor could swallow him up in that moment.

            Jyn just smirked. “Help me up?” She reached a hand out to him.

            After he pulled her to her feet, Jyn removed his t-shirt, leaving her in just her panties. Slipping those off, she looked at Cassian for a moment, then stepped into the shower.

            Cassian stood completely still, dumbfounded, for what felt like an hour. He finally forced his feet to move, and went back to the guest bedroom. Collapsing on the bed, he put his pillow over his face and groaned loudly. This was going to be a long seven months.

* * *

 

            That Friday afternoon, Jyn was lying on the exam table in Leia’s office. She was waiting for Cassian to arrive. They had decided it would be best for them to arrive separately at the appointment, to avoid raising suspicion amongst the outside hospital staff.

            At that moment, Cassian hurried through the door. Grinning at Jyn, he asked, “Did I do okay on time?”

            “I came in here ten minutes ago, I don’t think anyone will suspect anything.”

            She watched, amused at how excited Cassian seemed to be. He rarely wore his heart on his sleeve- to see him so enthusiastic about becoming a father made her smile. Jyn was proud that she was the one giving this gift to him.

            Her ruminations were interrupted by Shara coming in to the exam room.

            “Hey, Jyn. How are you feeling today?”

            Jyn snorted. She was nauseous as usual, and still felt exhausted. Shara smiled sympathetically.

            “When I was pregnant with Poe, I was absolutely miserable for the first three months. I told Kes that I was never getting pregnant again. It gets better, don’t worry.”

            While continuing to chat with Jyn, Shara took her weight, blood pressure, and temperature. When Jyn laid back down on the exam table, Shara pulled out a butterfly catheter.

            “Did you collect a urine sample when you arrived?” Jyn nodded in response. “Okay, then I just need to get a quick blood sample from you so that we can do a normal CBC and serum chemistry panel, plus some extra tests to check your hormone levels.”

            Jyn held out her arm. She didn’t mind getting her blood drawn, but when nurses poked around her veins, her first instinct was always to jerk her arm away. Cassian pulled the chair that he was sitting in closer to the exam table, and laced his fingers through Jyn’s. Her stomach fluttered, for once not from nausea. When Shara inserted the catheter into her vein, Jyn took a quick breath in through her nose. Cassian soothed his thumb along her hand as Jyn felt the blood flow out of her arm and down the catheter.

            After Shara finished getting the sample, she passed a gown to Jyn, and asked her to take off all her clothes before Leia came in. After Shara left the room, Cassian turned around so that he wouldn’t watch Jyn change.

            “Does my nudity bother you that much?” Jyn asked, as she tied the gown in the front.

            “Jyn, no!” he protested quickly. “I just want to be respectful of you.”

            Jyn didn’t have the words to respond to that. Instead, she focused intently on rearranging the paper cover in her lap. Fortunately, Leia came in right then and broke up the awkward moment. She leaned forward, hugging Jyn tightly, then turned to Cassian and enveloped him in an embrace as well. Jyn tried not to giggle at how uncomfortable he looked.

            The prenatal appointment was uncomfortable for Jyn, and took longer than she expected. Leia reviewed family medical histories with both her and Cassian, then launched into her physical exam. While the breast exam and abdominal palpation were not terrible, it was slightly odd to have Cassian sitting with her through a pelvic exam.

            “This will be cold, and you will feel some pressure,” said Leia as she inserted the speculum.        

            Jyn sucked in a breath of air while Leia adjusted the speculum. Fortunately, she didn’t have to get a Pap smear today. When Leia pulled the speculum back out, she shuddered a little at the sensation. Cassian placed his arm on her shoulder, rubbing the edge of it with his thumb. When Leia proceeded with her manual pelvic conformation exam and cervical exam, Jyn winced. Cassian hummed sympathetically, and moved his hand down to hold hers. Finally, the exam was over.

            “Everything looks good,” said Leia. “Your uterus has good tone- although it does feel a little larger than I would expect. We’ll keep an eye on that, but I wouldn’t worry too much. Your cervix doesn’t feel too thin, and your pelvic bones feel normal. Are you guys ready to see the baby?”

            Jyn nodded, perking up a little. Even though she rationally knew that there would be very little to see at this early in the pregnancy, she was still excited. Covering up her lap with the paper, she pulled up her gown so her belly was exposed. Cassian repositioned himself so that he could better see the screen, and Jyn could feel the energy rolling off him in waves. His eyes sparkled with anticipation, and in that moment, she didn’t think he had ever looked so handsome.

            Leia squirted some gel onto her stomach, and as she moved the probe across Jyn’s lower abdomen, Jyn immediately knew something was different. She looked over at Cassian- he saw it too. Neither of them had much ultrasound training beyond their clinical rotations in medical school, but it didn’t take a radiologist to tell them what they were seeing (and hearing). Two distinct white blobs slowly flickered in the black hollow that surrounded them, and two unsynchronized lub-dubs clearly sounded out.

            Jyn hesitantly inquired, “Is that… two heartbeats?”

            Leia had a focused expression on her face, moving side to side. Finally, after a moment or two of tense silence, she announced, “Well… it looks like you are having twins!”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn undertakes some preparations for the baby and goes shopping with Bodhi and Leia. Jyn and Cassian become closer and experience some emotional vulnerability.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Merry Christmas and Happy Boxing Day! I'm sorry for taking so long to update again, the past few weeks have been crazy with Christmas preparations and studying for exams. But all the busyness has brought good things to fruition- I've been accepted to complete my third bachelor's degree in microbiology, I met a REALLY awesome guy (we've been on three dates and no red flags yet! But many many green flags :) two words: cunnilingus addict), and had a lovely Christmas with my family. 
> 
> ALSO, I SAW THE LAST JEDI. I had a lot of feelings about it, and I'm still not entirely sure what to make of all of it. Please leave your thoughts on The Last Jedi in the comments, or hit me up on Tumblr. 
> 
> I absolutely LOVED writing this chapter, it's my favorite thus far. I hope that you will all enjoy it too. As always, thank you to my fantastic betas- rebsrising and ohstardustgirl, and thanks to ALL OF YOU for being awesome and supportive and leaving lovely comments for me. I love you all!!!!

Chapter 7

            “FUCK!”

            Cassian called Jyn’s name, and when he got no response, he jumped out of her shower, wrapped himself in a towel, and rushed to the bedroom. He found Jyn struggling to pull on a pair of scrub pants for work. Rubbing his hand over his face, he grumbled, “Jyn, you really need to stop doing that.”

            Looking up at Cassian with wide eyes, Jyn exclaimed, “Doing what?”

            “Screaming loudly out of frustration, then not responding when I call for you. It makes me think that something’s wrong.”

            Huffing with irritation, Jyn muttered, “Something is wrong. I’m too fat for all my fucking clothes.”

            “Jyn, you aren’t fat… you’re pregnant.”

            Jyn was 12 weeks along, and Cassian was noticing the changes in her body. Her stomach was curving out ever so slightly- enough to be hidden by a baggy shirt, but big enough to show in anything tighter. In addition to the swell of her abdomen, her breasts had gotten larger, and her hair looked thicker. And for the first time since finding out she was pregnant, Jyn had woken up without morning sickness. Cassian thought she looked beautiful- the changes in her body excited him. Jyn had very different feelings on the matter.

            “I feel like a bloated orca.”

            “You don’t look like a bloated orca, you look gorgeous,” he soothed. “You know, maybe it’s time to consider going out and- ”

            “ _Don’t_ say it, Cassian,” she commanded.

            “Going out shopping for some maternity clothes,” he continued, heedless of her warning. “I’m sure Bodhi and Leia would be happy to go with you. You know that I am no good with these things.”

            “I hate shopping. It’s why I wear scrubs everywhere. I’d rather die a fiery death than go shopping for a whole new wardrobe.”

            “ _Dios mío,_ Jyn. I don’t know what else to tell you. You can’t wear my clothes for the next nine months.”

            “Why can’t I?” she pouted.

            Cassian knew telling her she’d soon be too big for his clothes wouldn’t go over well, so he smoothly cajoled, “Because I need to wear my clothes. So your options are going shopping or going naked. And while the hospital is a progressive workplace, they would frown on public nudity from a staff member.”

            Pulling out his phone, he furtively started texting Bodhi.

            Jyn had turned around, and was continuing to struggle with her scrub pants. After a moment, Cassian could tell that Jyn knew he was up to something. It was like she could smell fear. Frantically typing out the rest of his message, he hit send right as Jyn whipped towards him.

            “Who’d you just text?”

            “I was just checking my e-mail.”

            “Liar.” Jyn lunged for his phone, and her pants ripped. Cassian tried his best to not laugh, but failed horribly. He ceased his mirth when tears welled up in Jyn’s eyes. Walking to her, he pulled her to his chest.

            “ _Mi querida, que es esto_?” he said quietly.

            Jyn sniffled. “I just… really hate feeling like this. My body doesn’t feel like it used to- it feels different when I run, my boobs are sore all the time, and now my clothing doesn’t fit. I’ve worn the same size since high school! I feel disgusting and unattractive, like I’m a stranger in this skin.”

            Cassian wasn’t sure how to respond. Comforting others was not his strong suit. He tangled his fingers in her hair, and acquiesced, “You can wear my scrubs today. I’ll get them out of my drawer for you.”

            In addition to the changes to Jyn’s body, their lives together were changing as well. In the past month since finding out Jyn was pregnant, their daily routines had begun to wind together. Cassian smiled at the memory of Jyn offering him a drawer in her dresser two weeks ago.           

            “Don’t make more of this than what it is,” she had said firmly.

            Despite her warning, Cassian couldn’t help but feel enthralled at the prospect of her letting him have a small space of his own in her apartment. Jyn’s walls were coming down. He saw them crumble in small gestures week-to-week.

            Laying on the couch, she would place his palm on her stomach.

            When she asked him to stay in the bed with her last week while feeling especially nauseous.

            Getting a toothbrush for him at the grocery store.

            These moments made Cassian hopeful that he could have a life with Jyn, a family.

            He was stirred from his thoughts by Jyn disentangling herself from their embrace. Releasing her, Cassian went to “his” drawer- the only one neatly organized in the entire dresser. Jyn preferred to pull whatever she could find from the laundry basket.

            Grabbing a set of mint green scrubs, he tossed them on the bed. He made a quick exit as Jyn undressed, trying not to think of the gentle swell of her bare stomach while he brushed his teeth.  

* * *

 

            That evening, Cassian made them avocado and tomato quesadillas for supper. He smiled as he watched Jyn scarf down three quesadillas.

           “Hungry?”

            Looking back at him, her eyes narrowed. “I’m eating for three now.”

            Putting his hands up in protest, Cassian grinned. “Hey, I wasn’t judging. I’m just happy that you finally have your appetite back.”

            Once Jyn had eaten her fill, they went to the couch to watch a movie. Jyn plopped down, putting her head in Cassian’s lap. Taking his hand in hers, she placed his open palm against her stomach. He ran his hand up and down over the fabric of his scrub top, and kept shifting his lap underneath Jyn’s head.

            “Cassian… stop moving around so much, just sit still,” she whined.

            Cassian abruptly moved out from under her and stood up, looking tense.

            “Did I do something wrong?” she asked, worried.

            Cassian shook his head, jawline set tightly. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

            Jyn watched as he left the room, confused by his behavior. After a few moments had passed, she settled back into the couch. Of course, once she had gotten comfortable, Jyn started feeling hungry again. Her constant nausea had now been replaced by an insatiable desire for food. Cassian- who had been reading every pregnancy book he could find- said this was to be expected. When the grumbling of her stomach became difficult to ignore, she made her way towards the kitchen. She kept her freezer well-stocked with pints of Cherry Garcia now.

            As she passed the bathroom, she paused for a moment. First, she heard the water running, but underneath that was the sound of Cassian gasping. She nearly knocked on the door to ask if he was alright, but then she heard him cry out, and moan her name. She felt herself growing wet as she listened. Suddenly, the water cut off, and Jyn heard the shower curtain pull back. She scurried away from the door, not wanting to be caught.

            Biting her lip, she went to the kitchen and grabbed her ice cream and a spoon. Once returned to the couch, Jyn absently ate her ice cream, thighs pressed tightly together.

* * *

 

            The following morning, Jyn found herself waiting outside the office of Dr. Mon Mothma. Mon was the head of pediatric oncology in the hospital, and a long-time mentor to Jyn. She had found Jyn as an apathetic, rebellious undergraduate. Jyn was still amazed at how patiently Mon had worked alongside her, helping her to find a passion she didn’t know she had.

            Mon opened the door to her office, greeting Jyn warmly and gesturing her in.

            As she sat down at the desk, Mon smiled at Jyn in her typical, serene manner.

            “What brings you in here today, Jyn? I continue to hear nothing but great things about you from your patients.”

            Jyn took a deep breath, fidgeting her hands in her lap. She had laid restlessly in bed the previous night, debating how to have this discussion with Mon Mothma. She was worried that Mon would be disappointed in yet another impulsive decision on Jyn’s part. Mon had spent more than enough time over the years resolving those situations for her. Ultimately, she decided to take the classic Jyn Erso approach- shoot from the hips.

           “I’m pregnant.”

            When Jyn looked back up, Mon appeared completely unperturbed. It would be infuriating if her presence wasn’t so soothing.

            “Congratulations. How far along are you?”

            “A little over 12 weeks.” When Mon didn’t respond, Jyn rushed out, “I would have told you sooner, but…”

            “You were worried about miscarriage.”

            Jyn nodded. Mon took Jyn’s hand in her own, and affirmed, “I am very happy for you, Jyn. And very proud of you. This is a big step, after all you have been through.”

            Jyn glanced up at Mon, and attempted a wobbly smile past the tears filling up her eyes. Mon had met Jyn at a difficult time in her life- Jyn was angry and resentful at everyone in the world. “Trust” may as well have been a four letter word. She still remembered the time that she stormed into Mon Mothma’s office, furiously declaring that she was going to get her tubes tied in order to prevent her from “subjecting a child to the hellish world we live in.” Mon Mothma had sat her down, made her a cup of tea, and had gently coaxed Jyn into discussing the root of her fears. Jyn had found herself crying in Mon’s office that afternoon- one of the children she read stories to during her volunteer hours at the hospital had passed away that morning, and it left her absolutely gutted. Before Jyn had left Mon’s office that day, the older woman had told Jyn that while she believed in every woman’s right to reproductive choice, Jyn shouldn’t make such a decision too lightly. And here Jyn was today, burgeoning with new life in her mentor’s office.

            “I’m excited, but I’m scared. What kind of mother will I be? You know what my life has been like.”

            Mon looked at Jyn thoughtfully. “You will be a strong mother, one who knows when to protect her children, and when to let them go. You will be firm, because even though you never have been one for rules, you want your children to be safe. You will never be the PTA mom baking thousands of cookies for bake sales, but your children will have something better- a mother who has an irrepressible passion for life, and a strong moral compass. In short, Jyn- you will be a great mother.” Squeezing Jyn’s hand, she inquired, “Who is the father?”

            Jyn flushed bright red. “Well, that was the other thing I came here to tell you..”

            Mon closed her eyes, and Jyn could almost hear the yoga mantras that were probably passing through her mind.

            “The father is Cassian Andor.”

            Mon looked genuinely surprised. “I didn’t know that you were seeing each other.”

            “We weren’t…aren’t. This was a bit of an accident.”

            “How does he feel about this development?”

            Jyn beamed genuinely. “He’s excited- more excited than me, I think. He’s been reading every book he can find, doing research on the best cribs and car seats already.”

            Mon chuckled. “I wouldn’t expect any less from him.”

            “Leia puts my due date in mid-November, so I wanted to come and talk about maternity leave with you.”

            Mon nodded, and pulled up a plethora of information and HR contacts for Jyn on her computer.

            “Jyn, I promise, we won’t stay for more than two hours.”

            Jyn groaned dramatically, and pulled the comforter over her head. She heard Cassian hiss, “This is a lost cause” before leaving the bedroom. Suddenly, the comforter was cruelly ripped from her body.

            “ _Bodhi_ ,” she protested. “It’s _Saturday_. I just want to stay in bed all day, I’m tired.”

            Her previous statement was disproven when she quickly flipped over and kicked Bodhi as he tried to pull the sheet off her.

            Rubbing his arm, Bodhi spluttered, “Jyn, you cannot keep wearing Cassian’s scrubs for the next seven months.”

            “Why not?” She raised an eyebrow challengingly.

            “Cassian is too nice to say it, but I’m not. You will be too big for his scrubs soon. You need to get some maternity clothes.”

            Jyn glared at Bodhi. “Fine. I’ll go with you. But as soon as we hit the two-hour mark, we are _leaving_. You wouldn’t want to be responsible for over-exerting me in my current condition, right?”

            Bodhi snorted. “You run two miles almost every morning still. I think you’ll be fine.”

            So Jyn found herself sitting in the passenger seat of Leia’s car, riding out to the mall with her two closest friends. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had gone to the mall. Her general policy on shopping was that if she couldn’t buy it on Amazon, it wasn’t worth buying.

            Leia, of course, had a full plan of attack for shopping that day. “Let’s start with underwear,” she announced excitedly. “We need to get you bigger bras!”

            Leia rushed through the department store underwear section, tossing bras at Jyn and Bodhi as she went. Finally, she stopped in front of a lingerie display.      

            “Cassian would probably like something like this,” she remarked, fingering a silky blue negligee.

            Jyn rolled her eyes. “Cassian and I aren’t fucking, so I don’t need to worry about what he does or doesn’t like.”

            Leia raised her eyebrows. “Don’t tell me that you haven’t thought about it. All that time you all spend together _, alone_ , at your places?”

            Jyn flushed, not having a response to that. As of late, she had spent more time than was strictly appropriate thinking about sex with Cassian. Now that she didn’t feel nauseous every waking moment, she had become increasingly aware of the changes taking place in her body. While she didn’t enjoy some of them, she had noticed how sensitive her breasts were. Her clit felt like it was constantly swollen, and Jyn’s thoughts had consistently strayed to various scenarios of how Cassian could relieve it for her.

            “Why don’t you just get one lingerie set… in case you find yourself in the mood?” Bodhi prompted.

            Jyn acquiesced with a slight dip of her head towards Leia. A few minutes later, Leia returned triumphant, holding up a matching bra and panty set. Black and lacy, it wasn’t overstated, and didn’t look like a medieval torture device.

            “That’ll do,” she muttered.

            From there, they went to a maternity clothing store. The perky young attendant seemed bent on making Jyn’s life miserable.

            “Hi! My name’s Stacy. What apparel do you need for this magical time in your life?” she chirped obnoxiously.

            Leia smoothly interjected before Jyn could say something snarky. “My friend here is expecting twins in November, so she was hoping to get some maternity clothing. Something simple.”

            Stacy squealed upon hearing the word “twins”. Jyn cringed, and suddenly wished that she could have a very large glass of wine. Recognizing her annoyance, Bodhi hustled her to the dressing room, telling Leia to just bring items back there to them.

            True to his word, Bodhi got Jyn out of the mall before the two hours was up, although Leia insisted that they would be taking more trips to the mall in the future.

* * *

 

            That evening, Jyn was alone at her apartment. Cassian was at a continuing education lecture with Kay, and wouldn’t be back until later that night. It was the first night in a while where Cassian hadn’t been with her, and Jyn was painfully aware of how much she missed his presence.

            As she heated up a quesadilla in the microwave, her eyes kept straying back to the bag of underwear from the mall. Jyn grabbed the bag and went to her bedroom. As she slipped on the lingerie set Leia had picked out, she looked at her body in the mirror. She felt so different. Her stomach wasn’t yet big enough to truly look “pregnant”. She thought it looked more like she’d had too many tacos for dinner. She nervously played with the strap of her bra.

How would Cassian receive it if she came onto him? She didn’t want him to get the wrong idea- she had an itch, and simply wanted him to scratch it. She had tried masturbating in the shower, and had finally acknowledged that it wasn’t enough to satiate her sexual appetite. Cassian was conveniently available, ridiculously nice, and insanely attractive. And she would feel very odd having sex with someone besides him while pregnant with his baby. Biting her lip, she resolutely put her sweatpants and t-shirt back on, and curled up on the couch, waiting for Cassian to get back.

* * *

 

            Cassian arrived home late that evening to find Jyn watching Fawlty Towers on the television and giggling. Settling down next to her on the couch, he felt his body relax as she leaned back and laid her head in his lap. Slipping into their familiar routine, Jyn took his hand and placed it on her belly.

            After a moment though, Cassian felt a difference in the air between them. While Jyn had not looked at him yet, she hitched her breath when his fingers played with the hem of her shirt. She tentatively guided his hand up under her shirt, placing his palm against the smooth skin of her stomach. Cassian rubbed his hand up and down along the swell of her abdomen, and felt himself getting hard. The idea of Jyn carrying his children inside of her was so incredibly erotic to him- he became a mess every time he thought of it.

            He was stirred from his thoughts when he felt Jyn’s eyes on him. Looking down at her, he held eye contact as he deliberately moved his hand further up her abdomen, towards her breasts. Cassian watched her face carefully, searching for any sign that she didn’t want this. When he slipped his hand up to cup underneath her breast, Jyn nodded at him, arching into his touch.

            As he slipped his hand into the cup of her bra, she shifted her hips, breathing out, “ _Cassian_ ”. Cassian groaned as her head shifted in his lap. Jyn suddenly sat up, and before Cassian could ask if he had done something wrong, she had pulled her shirt off. Leaning into him, she sealed off any further questions from him with a forceful kiss.

* * *

 

            Cassian’s lips tasted so good, felt incredible against hers. Jyn shifted to the side so that she was straddling his lap, and panted as she ground her hips against his hardness. Cassian leaned his head back against the couch and groaned. When he opened his eyes and looked at her, his gaze widened as he took in the bra she was wearing.

            “This is new,” he murmured, voice rolling thick and heavy off his tongue.

            “I got it for you,” she murmured back, blushing.

            Cassian took her into his arms then, kissing her across her collarbones, nipping at her neck, pulling her lower lip lightly between his teeth. Jyn sighed, letting herself relax into his touch, overwhelmed by the litany of sensations coursing through her body. She felt so sensitive, everything was heightened. When he slipped his hand into the cup of her bra to circle her nipple with his thumb, Jyn hissed. Cassian pulled back, looking worried.

            “No, it.. it feels good. Just a bit more gentle. I’m more sensitive than I was before,” she quietly assured him.

            Nodding, Cassian moved his hand back to her breast, this time touching them more lightly. He reached behind her, removing her bra, before leaning forward to gently run his tongue along the pink tips of her breasts. Jyn rocked her hips against him, needing more pressure, more intensity than what she was getting. Cassian seemed to understand, and slipped his hand into the waistband of her sweatpants. Cupping her womanhood firmly, he rubbed the heel of his hand in slow circles- raising her arousal even higher, but not enough for her to get off. Thrusting her hips into his palm in response, they formed a rhythm- Cassian massaging her, kissing her all over her exposed torso, his free hand splayed possessively along the middle of her back.

            Cassian pulled his hand back out of her panties then, and spread Jyn out on the couch. Helping her slip her sweatpants off, he moaned when he looked up and saw her unfurled before him. Jyn had almost felt self-conscious, prone on the couch. With the desire on his countenance now, she knew that there was no need for that. She was caught off guard, gasping as Cassian buried his face into her, inhaling the scent of her arousal deeply. She watched as his eyes darkened in response. Leaning back on his heels, he started slipping her panties off. Jyn grabbed his wrist, and reached for the belt on his trousers before he could continue. She helped him pull his pants off, sighing as she felt the firmness of his slim hips. Knotting his fingers into her hair, Cassian kissed her with more fervor, and leaned her back onto the couch. Jyn worked the buttons of his shirt open, awkwardly trying to slip it off him while maintaining contact with his warm body. She moaned as he pressed against her, grinding himself filthily into her cunt.

            Gasping, he pulled back. “I want it to be good for you, Jyn.”

            Pushing her hips back into his insistently, she whined, “It’s _already_ good for me.” As if to prove it to him, she took his hand in hers, guided it into her wetness. She felt a thrill run through her body when Cassian shuddered above her.

            “ _Chingado_ ,” he moaned.

            Jyn huffed when he withdrew his body from hers, sensitive to the cool air hitting her naked skin. Her protestations ceased when she felt his mouth on her. He swirled his tongue around her clit, giving just the right amount of pressure and movement. She propped herself up on her elbows, wanting to watch. When his deep brown eyes met hers, she felt like she might come right then. Cassian soughed, the vibrations pushing her closer. She cried out in pleasure when he slipped one, then two fingers inside of her, crooking them just right as if to beckon her over the edge. As she thrust her hips against his fingers, Cassian slipped a hand under her ass, and gently rocked her pelvis against his face. Jyn forgot how to breathe for a moment. Looking down at Cassian again, she watched as his eyes closed, his hips thrusting against the fabric of her couch, his breath coming in short bursts through his nostrils, and she _could feel him inside her, touching her on that spot…._

            Everything went white for Jyn, her body shaking and trembling as she came apart under Cassian’s mouth, back arching like a taut bow into his touch. She heard a wailing noise, and vaguely acknowledged that it was her crying out in pleasure. It had never been this intense, this good for her before. She shoved her fingers into Cassian’s hair, heard him moan and cry out her name as he continued to move his fingers inside her.

            “Yes, Jyn…that’s it, let go. Just come for me,” he urged.

            As she slowly came down from her apex, Cassian stroked the insides of her thighs lazily. Kissing her once more between her legs, he came back up to her face. She could smell herself on his breath as she pulled him in for a searing kiss. Bucking her hips against his, she was surprised when his boxers felt damp.

            “Did you…?” she inquired, nervous to finish the sentence.

            Casting his eyes away, Cassian blushed and nodded, not able to get the words out.

* * *

 

            Cassian was mortified. He came in his boxers without even being touched. He felt like he was 14 years old again, going to “second base” with a girl for the first time.

            He felt Jyn shift from underneath him, and settle between his knees.

            “Jyn, I’m sorry,” he blurted out.

            “Don’t be,” she purred. “I think it’s sexy.”

            With that, she pulled his boxers down, and he hissed as the cool air hit his cock, not yet dry. Jyn wrapped her hand around him then, and a curse fell from his lips.

            “I’m not sure if I’m ready yet,” he cautioned.

            Jyn simply hummed in response. He let out a shuddering breath as she began to lap around him, running her tongue up and down his cock, taking his cum into her mouth. Running her tongue over the slit of his head, he jerked his hips up involuntarily, and cried out as more semen spilled from him, hot and slick. Jyn continued her maddeningly calm routine, simply taking him in her mouth and swallowing.

            Licking the tip of her finger and swiping it through her wetness, she slid her hand underneath his ass, and his eyes widened as she rubbed at the ring of muscle there.

            “Is this alright with you?” she murmured, moving her finger maddeningly slowly against him.

            Cassian shakily nodded. He had never done this before, but _fuck_ , it felt so good. And refractory period be damned, he could feel himself growing erect once more. Jyn took him into her mouth, gently pulling back the hood of his cock to expose the tender flesh underneath. Pulling the excess skin tight, she bobbed her head up and down on him, pushing her tongue firmly along the base. It felt so good, and Cassian could already feel himself getting close to the edge, he had never come twice this close together, but Jyn would be the one to make it happen…

            Before he could finish, he pulled Jyn off him. “ _Bed_ ” he forced out.

            She nodded, and he didn’t think he had ever seen anything as sexy as a completely naked Jyn strutting towards the bedroom. Before Jyn laid down on the bed, Cassian put his hand out and stopped her.

            “Turn to the side.”

            Jyn cocked her head curiously, but complied with his instructions. Taking in her full form, Cassian felt a warmth envelope his chest as he looked at the swell of her stomach in profile. Walking to Jyn, he sank to his knees in front of her, pressing his lips to her stomach and rubbing his hands up and down her sides. Looking down at him, she firmly gripped his shoulder, pushing him back to lay out across the floor in front of the bed.

* * *

 

            Jyn’s heart was in her mouth as she straddled Cassian’s hips. The emotions swirling through his eyes were so intense, it was simultaneously difficult to look at but impossible to tear her gaze away. Running her hand across his sharp jaw, she took his cock in her hand and let out a low groan as she settled onto his girth. Cassian’s body arched ever so slightly to her in response.

            Stroking her hands along the planes of his chest, she observed how beautiful he was in the throes of passion. Everything had been so fast and intense the last time they had sex, she hadn’t really appreciated him. Now, she watched as his eyes widened with every shift of her hips, how his jaw tensed and clenched when she let out a breathy sigh. She felt the stubble of his face scratch against her palm when he leaned into her caress. He reached out and planted his open hand onto her stomach, in the place they both knew was now growing two lives.

            Jyn slowed her pace to a teasing grind, alternating gentle shifts of her hips with firm clenches of her inner muscles around his cock. Cassian leaned his head back, throatily groaned out her name. As she picked up her pace again, he quaked with pleasure, babbling words spilling out from his mouth. He thanked her, thanked her for this, thanked her for the babies, thanked her for _everything,_ and he slipped his hand between them, rubbing her clit firmly.

            Suddenly sitting up, he pulled Jyn closer so that their chests were flush with one another, and he continued stroking her with his face pressed to her neck.

            “ _Nadie me lo das como tú_ ,” he gasped.

            “Cassian, I’m close,” she broke out.

            “What do you need?” he questioned.

        “I need you, I need to feel you deeper,” she choked out between thrusts.

            “Get on your hands and knees,” he instructed. Jyn scrambled to comply, and Cassian swiftly pushed himself back into her. She exclaimed as he filled her. Cassian ran his fingers down her spine, gently stroking along it. When her arms were trembling and she begged, he slipped his hand back between her legs to tease at the bundle of nerves there. Jyn began to shake with greater intensity, and Cassian tilted his hips very slightly so that he was hitting her right on the distinct patch of tissue inside her walls. Crying out in earnest, Jyn’s hands scrabbled at the floor for purchase. Cassian pulled her to him so her back was against his chest, and hissed in her ear, “ _Voy a venir, Jyn_.” As he thrust into her, he plucked at her sensitive nipples with his free hand, and she came apart around him. Her head fell back onto his shoulder as she cried out his name, and he felt himself coming as her walls milked out his seed. Slumping backwards onto the cool wood floor, Cassian wrapped an arm around Jyn, reveling in the feeling of her weight on his body. He idly ran his fingers across her back, feeling the bump as his finger crossed each vertebra, counting out formulas in his head subconsciously even now, in this post-coital bliss.

            Jyn snickered, and he glanced down at her, eyebrow raised.

            “Complaints?” he jested.

            “I saw your lips move… you were counting out my vertebral formula.”

            Blushing, Cassian apologized. “Force of habit.”

            He felt a twitch against his stomach, and noticed that Jyn was shivering. Reluctantly rising to his feet, he held out a hand to her, helping her up.

            As they settled in under the comforter on her bed, they fell into a comfortable silence. Jyn was pressed up against his side, Cassian had his nose buried in her hair, taking in the aroma of her shampoo. Finally, Jyn’s voice broke into the quiet.

            “Why did you leave Mexico?”

            Cassian took a sharp breath. He rarely talked about his childhood in Mexico, or the difficult journey to the U.S. Seeming to sense his discomfort, Jyn squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

            Cassian shook his head, mentally preparing himself to share a rarely-told story. “My parents died when I was six years old. We lived in Chiapas, but when the earthquake hit in 1985, Mamá and Papá went to Mexico City to volunteer to help find survivors and treat victims. Mamá was a nurse, and Papá was a doctor.” He paused, feeling Jyn’s wide eyes watching him as he gathered his thoughts.

            “Mamá and Papá left me home with my Tía Alicia and her husband. They were going into a building to help some children who were trapped when the building collapsed on them.”

            Jyn tensed beside him, held his hand tighter. She pressed her face into his shoulder, unable to find the words to express her sorrow.

            Hesitantly, Cassian continued. “After that, Alicia and Jose raised me with their children in Chiapas. Jose was a coffee farmer, but he also had strong political leanings. When we were kids, _mis primos_ and I were dragged to many political protests. As we got older, the protests against the policies of the PRI got more violent. By the time I was 14, I was being trained in guerilla tactics by Jose and some of his friends. In 1994, when the Zapatista Rebellion broke out, I went to Las Margaritas with Jose. Jose was killed in the fighting, and _mi primo_ Mateo was killed as well. Mateo was only 15, and I tried to save him. I pulled him back into the jungle with me, but…” His voice broke, and he was unable to continue.

            Jyn assured him, “You couldn’t have known how to save him, it isn’t your fault.” Her lip wobbled as the soothing words slipped from her mouth. He had been so young, and even with the broken childhood she had, she could not imagine experiencing so much trauma so young.

            He flipped over to her, violently enough that Jyn jerked away. Pain and anger flashed in his eyes. “I _killed_ people that day, Jyn. Soldiers rushed at me, and I just shot at them, I didn’t know what else to do.” His shoulders shook with the admission, and Jyn felt her heart breaking. Sitting up, she slowly reached out her hand, hesitant to touch the feral creature that had been unleashed. Cassian wouldn’t look at her, and she felt an ache deep in her throat at the brief consideration of where his thoughts might be.

            “Cassian,” she croaked out. Trembling fingers threaded into his dark locks. She guided his head into her lap, knowing the intimacy of eye contact would be too much in this vulnerable moment.

            He buried his face into her stomach, eyes closed tightly.  “What kind of man does that make me? What kind of father?”

            “You were a boy, Cassian. They were your family. You didn’t know better. You _trusted_ them, thought that they were doing what was best for you.”

            Cassian shook his head firmly. “I went back, but no one was there. I wanted to find Mateo, to bury him, but fires had been started in the town and the forest was too filled with smoke for me to return.”

            “After that, I lived on my own. I worked, and I went to school. I studied hard, and I got a scholarship to University of Texas at Austin. I got certified as a CNA and worked in the hospital all through undergraduate. When I got accepted to medical school, it felt like I had finally escaped everything that happened in Mexico. I try not to think about it too often. It’s too painful.”

            Jyn had wondered before what caused Cassian’s nightmares- he would often cry out in his sleep, or suddenly sit up in bed in a cold sweat. Now she understood.

            He ran his hand over her stomach. “I never want our children to experience what I had to growing up. I never want them to feel unsafe or unsure of their future.”

            “I think that every parent wants that, Cassian. That’s what frightens me most about becoming a mother.”

            He rolled over then, looked up at her with a question in his eyes. She responded slowly, carefully.

            “I’m not sure that I can ever promise that to them. From what I’ve seen, promises that parents make their children often turn out to be fairy tales.”

            Tears slipped down her cheeks. Cassian gently wiped them away. She noticed that he didn’t disagree with her, and that knowledge lodged in her chest like a rock. Would the damage they carried from their past make them better parents? Or would it cripple them?

            Pressing his hand firmly to the spot where the babies were, Cassian asked, “What names do you like?”

            Jyn knew he was trying to change the subject, and was grateful for it in that moment. She had never been particularly good at talking about feelings, and she wasn’t sure what benefit hashing out all her fears would have.

            “I haven’t really thought about names, to be honest.”

            Cassian hummed thoughtfully. “What were your parents’ names?”

            She cast her eyes away from him. “I don’t want to name the children after my parents. I don’t need a constant reminder of what I’ve lost.”

            Cassian squeezed her hand, backing away from that suggestion. “Perhaps we could use the name Mateo? If one is a boy?”

            Lacing her fingers with his over her bump, Jyn nodded. At that, she yawned. Cassian leaned over her, turning off the bedside lamp. Cassian pulled her tightly to his body, and she fell asleep with him spooned against her.  


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian take a big step in their relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR (6 days late!). I hope you are all enjoying 2018 so far. I also REALLY enjoyed writing this chapter. 
> 
> Time for another heartfelt real-life story on my part: Last year, I lost my very best friend very suddenly and unexpectedly to complications from influenza (GET VACCINATED, people!). This Tuesday will be one year since her death. I just want to say... hug the people you love, let them know you love them. The last conversation I had with Dana was me telling her that she should watch Stranger Things on her sick day. And I really regret not getting to tell her how much I cared about her once more. So don't wait to call or text your best friend, your parents, your significant other, and make your interactions meaningful! More importantly, life is short- live it to its fullest. I know it sounds cheesy, but I've made a big point to go on more adventures and travel more since her death. 
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL, and thank you so much for your lovely support! Hugs and kisses. Enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 8

            “Fuck, _yes_ , right there, Cassian.”

            Cassian grinned as he straddled Jyn’s hips. Leaning forward, he kneaded his elbow a little more aggressively into her lower back. Jyn sighed with satisfaction. At 16 weeks pregnant, her back had started to become a more nagging source of pain. Leia had suggested a prenatal yoga class for Jyn, but had been laughed off. As a result, Cassian was giving Jyn constant massages to try to alleviate the tension.

            Not that he was complaining. Usually, his massages ended with Jyn flipping him over and fucking him senseless. The hormonal changes she was going through seemed to trigger an insatiable desire for sex, and he was more than happy to comply. Rolling off Jyn, he grinned over at her.

            “Feeling better?”

            She nodded contentedly, a lazy smile on her lips. Looking up, Cassian glanced around the walls of her bedroom.

            “Jyn, where are we going to put two cribs in here? There’s barely enough room for your bed and dresser as it is.”

            She nervously gnawed at her lip. “I’m not sure. I know that I should probably be looking for a bigger place, but I’ve gotten pretty fond of this apartment.”

            “I was thinking, if you were up for it, we could look at houses. I wouldn’t expect to live there with you, unless you wanted me to. But I would like to help pay for it, that way the babies have a permanent place to call home when they arrive.”

            Stiffly, Jyn responded, “Money’s not an issue for me.”

            “I wasn’t implying that it was, I just thought it might be nice to have some financial help…”

            Jyn shifted away from Cassian, her body language closing him off. Shutting his eyes with frustration, Cassian inhaled deeply.

            “Jyn, I know that you are used to doing things on your own. But me helping you with the house doesn’t mean that you are obliged to me or tied down to me. I just want to help, to make sure that I’m doing my part for the babies.”

            Jyn’s shoulders relaxed minutely. “Just give me some time to think about it, Cassian. I don’t want to rush into this.”

            Accepting that this was the best he was going to get, Cassian nodded, and slipped out of bed to get ready for work.

* * *

 

            Cassian was winding down for the afternoon and putting away some frozen sections when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw a new text from Jyn.

            “ _Can you come up to my office in five?”_

            He didn’t hesitate. “ _Sure, see you soon.”_

* * *

 

            When Cassian arrived in Jyn’s office, he was caught off guard by arms wrapping around his neck and lips pressing frantically against his. Quickly, Cassian kicked his foot back to shut the door.

            Between kisses, Jyn gasped out, “I’ve been… _thinking…_. about you… _all fucking day_.”

            Pulling back a little, Cassian hissed, “ _Jyn_. We _can’t_ do this here.”

            “Why not?” she purred, nibbling at his neck.

            “Well first, we’re at _work_. It’s not decent!” Cassian’s sense of modesty was rapidly losing out as Jyn pulled his earlobe between her teeth.

            “No one will hear us…”

            “Jyn, do you not think there’s something… mildly perverse about having sex in the _pediatric wing_?!”

            “It’s not like the kids _know_ what we’re doing.”

            Cassian cursed in Spanish. “Sit down at your desk, Jyn.”

            “Yes sir, _Captain_ ,” she teased flirtatiously, throwing in a mocking salute for good measure.

            Cassian rolled his eyes. Where had all this come from? He walked towards where Jyn was now sprawled out in her desk chair. Kneeling in front of her, he closed his eyes. It seemed like… whatever this was with Jyn… was going to force him to break all his rules.

            Staring at her intently, he slid her scrub pants off her hips. He quietly groaned when he found that Jyn wasn’t wearing any underwear. His eyes widened when he saw how wet she was, moisture from her cunt glistening in the dark curls surrounding it. Kissing her thighs, he murmured, “We’ll do this… but everything else will wait until we get to my apartment tonight. _Comprendes?_ ”

            “Yes, yes, I understand,” she rushed out. “Now hurry up and fuck me.”

            Sliding his hands under her hips, he pulled her towards him. Inhaling her scent, he gripped her thighs a bit more tightly. He delicately licked along the edge of her labia, letting her feel his stubble scratch the insides of her thighs. When she began to sigh with excitement, he dipped his tongue into her entrance, teasingly sliding it in and out. Jyn hissed, thrusting her hips forward to his face. A little too enthusiastically, as it were- Cassian pulled back, rubbing his nose.

            “Sorry,” she whispered apologetically.

            He grinned at her. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it so much.” He dipped his face back into her, this time focusing on her clit. He moaned as Jyn ground herself down onto his tongue, quietly begging for more. She tangled her fingers into his hair, and as he felt her thighs tighten around his face, he slid a finger, then two, into her. As he lightly hooked his fingers against her G-spot, Cassian slid his other hand up under her scrub top. He rubbed the pads of his fingers in circles around the outline of her nipple, and Jyn arched her chest into his touch. Cassian slightly increased the pace of his fingers, and pressed his tongue more firmly to Jyn’s center. Jyn brought her free hand up to cover her mouth, and he felt her walls begin to spasm around his finger. Pressing his fingertips firmly to her G-spot, he had to contain a loud groan as he felt her come apart around him. He looked up and felt himself get harder as he watched Jyn cover her mouth to contain the sound of her orgasm. The muffled noises she made seared down to his very soul, and he suddenly wished Jyn had soundproofed walls. Slowly, he brought her down by lightening his touches to her, and Jyn sighed with satisfaction as he pulled his head back. Fingers still knotted in his hair, she aggressively tipped his head up to her and pulled him into a bruising kiss.

            They were interrupted from the passionate moment by a knock at the office door.

            “ _Fuck_ ,” Cassian growled. He hastily wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his white coat, and glared at Jyn as she quickly pulled her scrub pants up around her waist. She grinned at him, and called out, “Just a moment!”

            Running his fingers through his hair, Cassian could only hope that their recent tryst wasn’t too obvious. When Jyn went to open the door to the office, he tried to situate himself into the other chair at her desk as casually as possible. Realizing he was still somewhat erect, he frantically arranged his white coat to cover his lap.

            Standing at the door to Jyn’s office was Chirrut Imwe.

            “Dr. Erso, Dr. Andor- I hope that I’m not interrupting anything.”

            Cassian felt a blush creep up his neck. Chirrut had particularly acute hearing- he had no doubt that Chirrut knew exactly what they had just been doing.

            Jyn smiled, and Cassian’s lips thinned as she slyly glanced over at him. “How can I help you today, Chirrut?”

            “Nothing for me, Dr. Erso. I just came by to offer my congratulations.”

            Jyn looked at Cassian then, surprise written across her face. She silently mouthed, “ _Did you tell him_?”, and Cassian frowned, shaking his head.

            “And Dr. Andor, I’m sure you are very excited to be a father. Twins, no less!” If Jyn hadn’t been startled herself, she would have laughed at the expression of alarm in Cassian’s brown eyes. It was rare to find a moment where he was caught off guard. They had been very careful to try to hide the pregnancy from all except their closest friends and mentors- so many things could go wrong, and they both worried about how the sudden change in their relationship would reflect on their professional lives.

            Jyn laughed nervously. “Who told you?”

            Chirrut smiled mysteriously. “Just a feeling that I had. All is as God wills it. Now, you two must learn to trust each other, and care for each other in this journey.”

            Just when Jyn thought the moment couldn’t get any more awkward, Dr. Baze Malbus also came in through the door. “Is this old dreamer trying to tell you about one of his visions?”

            “Oh, no dear… I was congratulating them on the start of their family.”

            Cassian looked like he wanted to melt into the floor and never return.

            Baze raised his eyebrows, seeing the look on their faces. “Well, would you look at that. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

            Chirrut snapped back, “He only laughs because he knows that I’m right.”

            In spite of herself, Jyn smiled at Chirrut. The chaplain did indeed have an uncanny ability to predict events before they occurred, and to sense the feelings of those around him. It was one of many reasons why Chirrut was so good at his job. His infectious optimism caught the attention of the man who was now his husband, Dr. Baze Malbus. Dr. Malbus, a pragmatic surgical oncologist, had been on the brink of experiencing serious burn-out when he met Chirrut. They quickly fell in love, and had moved in together after dating for three months. Their partnership had been long-lasting, with Baze getting to watch Chirrut train many of the children that he himself had operated on. Jyn loved watching them together- they were one of the few couples she didn’t feel intensely uncomfortable around. Their happiness with one another lifted everyone else who knew them.

            Tugging at Chirrut’s arm, Baze muttered, “Let’s go… I think we’re making them uncomfortable.”

            With a friendly wave, Baze and Chirrut made their exit, leaving Jyn to deal with a mortified Cassan, and to wonder how much longer their secret could stay so.

            Out of the silence, Cassian muttered, “You are _so_ paying for this when we get home.”

* * *

 

            That night, Jyn and Cassian laid tangled in his sheets, sweaty and gasping for breath. Cassian had one arm wrapped around her naked waist, with his free hand rubbing slowly across her stomach. Jyn’s face was cradled in his shoulder.

            As Cassian drifted off to sleep, Jyn was still wide awake. She couldn’t stop thinking about something he had let slip during sex earlier. He had told her that he only wanted her, and the words had hit her like a stab to the heart. There was nothing she wanted more than a family, but she wasn’t sure if she had room in her heart for the babies and Cassian. Jyn could no longer deny that she cared about Cassian, wanted him at a level deeper than sexual attraction. Even so, she could choose to ignore those feelings.

Sighing wearily, Jyn blinked away tears of pain and frustration. She didn’t often succumb to bouts of self-pity, but it was difficult not to when she felt so vulnerable in Cassian’s arms. Visions of her childhood, and the hopes and dreams of her teenage years, danced through her mind, teasing her with their innocent perspective of the world. If there was anything that her time on this Earth had taught her, it was that being in love was a weakness. Given time, the love you felt for someone else would find a way to break you. Jyn had seen the parents of her patients crippled with grief, and had watched her own father waste away after the death of her mother. Jyn could handle some amount of loss- this she knew. But she was unsure of what her threshold for the acute pain of heartbreak was.

What if something happened to one (or both) of the babies? Would they support each other through the grief, or would pain drive a wedge between them? Could she trust herself not to push him away? She anxiously vacillated between two scenarios:

One, telling Cassian that she wanted to try a relationship with him. Jyn was notoriously terrible at relationships- she hadn’t had much practice in her life. Cassian would eventually leave her out of sheer frustration, and then Jyn would be a heartbroken single parent.

Two, not telling Cassian her feelings. Jyn and Cassian could co-parent successfully, and Jyn would quietly pine for him. Eventually, he would find someone else, and start a family with that woman. Jyn would, once again, be a heartbroken single parent.

Overwhelmed by the buzzing in her mind, the tension in her shoulders, the grinding of her teeth, a wracking sob from deep within her caught Jyn by surprise. Unfortunately, it didn’t just catch her- as soon as the hiccupping gulp of air passed her lips, Cassian startled awake. Quickly turning to her, his brow furrowed with concern, he reached up and stroked her cheek.

“What’s wrong, Jyn?”

Jyn pressed her lips together tightly, refusing to let her words betray her. She just shook her head sharply, digging her nails into her palm and clenching every muscle in her body. Forcing her breaths to come in and out more slowly. She would take what she had now- whatever this was. She refused to ruin it.

Cassian continued to watch her silently, carefully. When it became evident that Jyn would not speak, he settled his head against the pillow, never taking his eyes off her. It tore at him to watch her struggle to grasp her composure. He didn’t want Jyn to hide her pain from him. While he knew that he couldn’t fix it for her, he wanted to help her shoulder the burden.

Suddenly, Jyn froze, and her eyes widened. Cassian sat up abruptly, concerned that something was wrong. Well, more wrong than whatever she was currently wrestling with. He started to open his mouth to ask, but she threw out a hand and clenched his forearm.

Slowly starting to smile, Jyn slid her hand down to her belly. Looking at Cassian then, warmth shining in her eyes past the tears, she murmured, “I just felt them move.”

Cassian sat up, his own face breaking into a wide grin. He pressed his hand up against her stomach. Disappointment colored his features when he couldn’t feel anything after a few minutes.

“They’re probably too small for you to feel them yet. Soon they’ll be big enough.”

Cassian nodded, still a little envious that Jyn got to feel their children moving about before he did. He pressed his lips to her stomach, relieved that Jyn’s mood had improved with this sudden development. Sliding up her body, he pressed his lips against hers, then pulled away and tucked her head under his stubbled chin. Kissing her on the top of her head, he soothed, “Try to sleep now, Jyn. Everything will be alright. We’ll figure this out together.”

Jyn relaxed a little in his arms, and burrowed herself into his warmth. He fell asleep inhaling the familiar scent of her shampoo.

* * *

 

            Cassian sat at his lab bench, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He had been staring at slides all day, and looking at wet mounts always made him feel seasick. He leaned back in his chair, wincing as he heard his back cracking back into place. Kay had called out sick that day- he was a ridiculous hypochondriac, and would panic at the slightest onset of illness. Cassian was left to complete his work as well as Kay’s, and because he didn’t want to disappoint Dr. Draven, he had worked through his lunch hour.        

            As he started typing up his next pathology report, he was pleasantly surprised by Jyn coming through the elevator doors. His face fell a little at her tense expression.

            “Are you alright?” he inquired.

            Biting her lip, she hedged, “Let’s go talk in your office.”

            Cassian nodded shortly, leading Jyn over to his office and closing the blinds. The last thing he needed was a lab tech (or Draven) coming through and trying to snoop on his conversation with Jyn. After he had shut the door, he looked at Jyn with concern.

            “Is everything okay with you? Are the babies alright?”

            Jyn grinned coyly. “Don’t worry, they’re fine. I just wanted to get you alone.”

            “ _Jyn_.” He would have chastised her, but he knew it wouldn’t make a difference. When Jyn Erso wanted something, she usually got it.

            “After you fucked me so well in my office yesterday, I thought I should return the favor.”

            “Thank you, but Jyn, Draven’s office is around the corner from here.”

            “Then you’ll have to be good for me and keep quiet.”

            Cassian quietly moaned at her words. Jyn kneeled in front of him, already removing his pants. As she slipped off his boxers, he hissed a little when the cool air hit his cock. He closed his eyes with pleasure as the cold was replaced with the warmth of Jyn’s mouth. Cassian choked out gasps of air as she took as much of him into her as she could. One of her hands reached up to cup his testicles, gently tugging at them and running her fingernails along the sensitive skin. When she reached back to massage at his perineum, he bucked into her mouth, before quietly apologizing and running his fingers through her hair.

            Withdrawing with a soft pop, Jyn looked into Cassian’s eyes.

            “Don’t apologize. I like to watch you lose control.”

            Continuing to hold his gaze, she lewdly ran her tongue from base to tip of his penis. When she reached the tip, she teased his slit, prompting another thrust of his hips. Licking her finger, she cupped the slight curve of his ass in one of her hands before reaching in and slowly working him open with the tip of her finger. She took his cock back into her mouth, massaging the base firmly with her tongue.

            Cassian was losing control, reduced to a gasping, quivering mess by Jyn’s mouth and hands. He covered his mouth to stop a cry when a stray hand reached up and caressed one of his nipples through his shirt. Curses in Spanish and English spilled from his lips, and he questioned how he got so lucky.

            Jyn slid her mouth back off him then. Once again capturing his eyes, she purred, “You worked for it, because you’re so _good._ ”

            She slid her mouth back over him, and applied more suction as she withdrew at an agonizingly slow pace. Simultaneously, he felt her finger move deeper into him, and he gasped at the intrusion.

            “You always know how to make me come, how to take care of me. You’re always giving so much, because you are so good, Cassian.”

            She pushed her finger a little deeper, and he keened out her name, muffled behind the cover of his hand.

            “Do you like this? Do you like me working you open like this, taking me inside of you?”

            Cassian nodded frantically, unable to form words. He clenched down on her as her finger massaged at his prostate.

            Jyn kissed her way up and down his length, running the tip of her tongue underneath the hood of his foreskin. She kissed his hips then, continuing to work her finger inside of him. Nipping at a point of bone on his hip, she murmured, “Does it excite you? Knowing that there’s a part of you inside of me? Knowing that you put it there?”

            Closing his eyes, sweat beading on his forehead, Cassian hummed in affirmation. This torture was so exquisite, he felt like he was going to die but he never wanted it to end. He begged Jyn not to stop, choking out the words between short gasps and long moans.

            “I want you to come for me, Cassian. You’ve been so good, taken me so well. Come for me.” With that, Jyn took him back into her mouth, and she moaned filthily as Cassian let himself come into her. His breath puffed out in gasps as his cum spilled from him, hot and slick. He shook so intensely he thought he would pass out, and he bit down onto his fist to keep from crying out loudly. He slowly slid down the wall as Jyn released him from her mouth and withdrew her finger from him. Wiping her mouth on the back of her arm, she gave him a satisfied grin. He closed his eyes, groaned with a mix of satisfaction and exhaustion. Jyn darted to his bathroom, and he was vaguely aware of her washing her hands before she came back out and pulled him into her arms.

            Resting his head in her lap, Cassian shuddered as Jyn carded her fingers through his thick locks.

            “Thank you,” she murmured.

            His chocolatey eyes opened in surprise. “ _You’re_ thanking _me?_ ”

            She nodded, smiling at him. “It takes a lot of trust to be like that with someone. I can’t be that vulnerable. At least not yet.” She dipped forward and pressed her lips firmly to his, trying to convey all her truths and uncertainties within the kiss.

            “I was very… tense today. I’ve never done that with anyone before, but I _needed_ that. And you just knew, somehow.” He stared at her in wonder.

            Jyn smirked wryly. “Maybe this whole co-parenting thing has given us telepathy.”

            He quirked up the corner of his mouth, and settled into the thick, comfortable silence between them. They laid there with Jyn soothing him down from his high for at least five minutes before either spoke again.

            “I’ve been thinking. About what you brought up on Monday morning.”

            “How our hospital needs to invest in a self-cleaning cryostat?”

            Jyn rolled her eyes. “No, about the house.”

            Cassian tensed then, but Jyn’s quieting hand on his shoulder reduced his wariness. “What about the house?”

            “You’re right. We should go house-shopping, and while you certainly don’t have to help out financially, it would mean a lot if you did.”

            Cassian arched an eyebrow at Jyn’s unusually generous speech. “Where’s all this coming from?”

            She shook her head. “Well… some of it came from Bodhi. But I meant what I told you earlier; you’ve been good to me. I want you to be a part of the babies’ lives in every way. I think you should move in with us. That is, if you want to.” She couldn’t hold his eye contact then, and Cassian’s heart softened at the vulnerable, nervous expression on her countenance. “Besides, I’ll need the help. I can’t be the only one changing dirty diapers.”

            Cassian had always been the type of person to carefully plan big decisions. He was proud of this trait, and yet… when he heard Jyn’s offer, he didn’t need to think for more than a second. Sitting up to kiss her, he murmured his acceptance of her offer. He cradled her head to his chest, because he understood what she needed in this moment, just as she had understood his needs earlier. He kissed the top of her head and quietly reassured her. “I want this. Thank you for offering me this.”

* * *

 

            “I do _not_ want to live in a house with all carpet.”

            Cassian sighed. He had thought that house-hunting with Jyn would be easy. Little did he know that she had watched one too many episodes of House Hunters on HGTV while drunk. For someone who cared so little about external appearances, she was ridiculously picky about home features.

            “Let me guess, you also want an open floor plan, eight bedrooms, granite countertops, and the state’s best schools in our neighborhood? And five grocery stores within walking distance?”

            “I’d settle for quartz countertops,” Jyn said primly.

            They had been looking on real estate websites for three hours, with no end in sight. Every home that Cassian showed Jyn had some glaring issue that was too big for her to overlook.

            Throwing up his hands, Cassian growled, “Let’s go for a drive. The first house that I crash into because I’m distracted by our arguing is the house that we’ll buy.”

            “You know that the car crash risk for pregnant women spikes by 42% in the second trimester.”

            “NOT NOW, KAY,” Jyn and Cassian both shouted.

            Cassian rubbed his hand across his face. Kay had bought his first home two years ago, so when Cassian mentioned that he and Jyn would be house hunting, his best friend had kindly offered to assist. Cassian should have known that it would be a bad idea, but he kept hoping that Jyn and Kay would develop their own friendship if they spent enough time together. Clearly this was not an environment conducive to friendship.

            “Kay, Jyn and I are going for a drive. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

            “Cassian, remember- placental abruption is the greatest risk for a pregnant woman in a car accident where air bags deploy.”

            Watching Jyn’s eyes widen in fear, Cassian grabbed her hand, and glared at Kay, hissing, “I’ll deal with you later,” as he slammed the door to his apartment behind them.

            “Jyn, Kay is trying to be helpful in his own way. I think he actually is concerned about you- that’s a good sign.”

            Jyn ignored Cassian, intently focusing on some bumble bees flocking around a blooming azalea bush in front of his car. Cassian slid into the driver’s seat, and frowned when Jyn didn’t follow suit in the passenger’s seat.

            “Jyn, are you coming?”

            “Give me a fucking moment, okay?” she snapped.

            Cassian leaned back into his seat, feeling guilty. Clearly Kay’s words had affected her more than he thought. He watched with concern as Jyn’s hands trembled while she hesitantly opened the door to the passenger’s seat. Sliding in, jaw set with determination, Jyn muttered, “Let’s go.”

            Cassian drove into one of the neighborhoods that he and Jyn had liked. He made sure to be extra cautious, braking more slowly, spending an extra few seconds at stop signs.

            “My mother died in a car accident.”

            Cassian carefully schooled his expression to remain neutral. He knew that if he expressed too much cloying sympathy, Jyn would close herself off again. Instead, he slid one hand across the console to take hers.

            Jyn intently focused on pressing each of her fingertips against his. “I was in the car with her when the accident happened. I really shouldn’t call it an accident. My father always believed that she was murdered.”

            At that, Cassian looked to Jyn in shock. Flicking on his turn signal, he pulled his black sedan into the nearest parking lot. Throwing the car into park, he turned to Jyn, a thousand questions racing through his mind. He wouldn’t press. She would continue when she was ready.

            “Have you heard of Empire Chemical?”

            Cassian shook his head. Jyn’s mouth twisted into a bitter smirk. “You probably wouldn’t have, you were still in Mexico at the time when everything happened. They were a huge chemical manufacturer back in the late 80s and early 90s.”

            Taking a deep breath, she continued. “My father was a chemical engineer, and my mother was a bench chemist. They both worked in the R&D section of Empire Chemical. A man named Orson Krennic was the head of their section, and he always considered my father to be a great asset to the company.”

            “The town that we lived in at the time started seeing many pediatric cancer cases, higher than what would typically be expected. Mama became concerned, and she started investigating more deeply into what might be causing the cases. She found out that almost all the children developing cancer were living near the Empire Chemical plant.”

            Cassian’s eyes widened. He felt like he knew where Jyn’s story was leading, and the conclusions being drawn in his mind made him feel sick.

            “Mama started discreetly gathering data from work, and she discovered that 1,2 dichloropropane was being dumped into a nearby river. That river was also one of the main water supplies for the town.”

            “Jesus Christ,” Cassian growled.

            Jyn’s hands shook and her face pinched as she resumed speaking. Cassian squeezed her hand more tightly, trying to reassure her. “Mama told Papa what she had found, and he was gutted. He had been working on a project using 1,2-dichloropropane, so he felt directly responsible. Mama decided that she was going to take her findings and bring them to a national newspaper- try to shine a spotlight on the issue.”

            “Somehow Krennic found out. Mama gave Papa a floppy disk and hard copy of all her research, and made him hide it in case anything happened. The next day, we were in the accident. We were just driving down the road, it was a quiet Saturday morning, and a car flew into the intersection and T-boned our car.”

            Cassian’s chest ached as he watched tears come to her eyes. Jyn sobbed, “She kept telling me that everything was going to be okay, even though she was dying. I was so terrified, my car seat protected me but I could see her bleeding and I knew it was bad. The paramedics pulled me out, but I never got to say goodbye.”

            Tears were pouring down Jyn’s cheeks now. “Papa went to the New York Times the next day, left them with everything. The story broke, and charges were filed, the company was disassembled. Papa was given a plea agreement in exchange for his testimony, so he never served any time.”

            Suddenly, a look of anger flashed in her eyes. “He never got over her death. All through my childhood, he would constantly ask me what I remembered about the car crash. The driver who hit me and Mama got away before the police arrived. Papa would ask me at least once a week if I remembered anything new. So I had to relive that trauma over and over again. I felt like it was my fault that Mama’s killer got away.”

            “Jyn, no,” Cassian whispered. He pulled her head to him, pressed his lips firmly to her crown. “You were a child, and you were terrified. How could you have known?”

            Gritting her teeth, Jyn intoned, “Papa seemed to think otherwise. And I guess I just wasn’t enough for him. He hung around through my childhood and teenage years, and while I was never hungry or wanting for anything, he was just a shell of a person. I felt like he didn’t want me there, that he would trade me to have Mama back.”

            “When I went off to college, he seemed happy. I thought he might finally be doing better. But a month into my freshman year…”

            Jyn pulled in a shuddering breath. Cassian watched her guardedly. “You can stop if you want to, Jyn. You don’t have to tell if you don’t want to.”

            Jyn met his gaze fiercely. “I need you to understand.”

            Cassian relented, nodding for her to continue.

            “Papa killed himself a month into my freshman year. All those years without Mama took their toll on him. And then I was alone. Saw, a friend of Papa’s, tried to help when he could- but Saw was an environmental activist and was always away at protests and events for his organization. So it was really just me. It’s been just me for a long time.”

            “You’ve been so brave, Jyn,” Cassian admired.

            Jyn snorted. “There’s a difference between bravery and doing what you need to survive.”

            Her words hit a bit too close to home for him. He was all too familiar with the concept of just trying to survive- it was how he had lived most of his life. Rubbing his thumb along the top of Jyn’s hand, he was acutely aware of how much her life and her pain had mirrored his own. Was that what attracted him to her? He saw her pain and hoped that, by fixing hers, he could repair his own?

            He was stirred back out of his thoughts when Jyn resumed her story. “That’s how I met Mon Mothma. I was a biochemistry student in undergraduate, and I joined the chemistry honors fraternity. I had to do service hours each semester, and I chose to volunteer at the local hospital. Of course, I got placed in the pediatric oncology ward- I suppose it was the universe’s way of making me do penance for my father’s mistakes.”

            “Mon Mothma quickly figured out who I was, and who Papa was. She had actually served as an expert witness for the prosecution in the government’s case against Empire Chemical. And I remember that she took me into her office one day, and told me that I could use my life experiences to help improve the lives of others. I basically told her to fuck off that day, but I figured out pretty quickly that I missed the kids. I came back, and that summer she took me on as an intern in her research lab. The rest is history.”

            Cassian sighed heavily, running his hand down his face. “Let’s go back to your place, Jyn. We’ll do house-hunting tomorrow. We’ll take the afternoon off, watch Fawlty Towers, eat some chocolate, I’ll make chilaquiles.”

            Jyn, eyes still glistening with tears, looked at him gratefully and nodded. As he pressed his lips to the back of her hand, Cassian felt for the first time that he and Jyn were becoming a team.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you are all having a lovely weekend. 
> 
> If you read my chapter notes for last chapter, you'll know that I was on the cusp of the one-year anniversary of my best friend's death. It has now come and passed (January 9th), but something pretty amazing happened. Another close friend of mine gave birth to her baby boy at 7:30 AM on January 9th (the anniversary of my best friend's death). I don't think I've ever cried so much over good news in my life- it was just the best thing that could have happened that day, and I can't help but think that Dana was looking out for me that day. The baby is doing great, he's beautiful and healthy and perfect in the way that only tiny newborn babies can be. Thanks so much to everyone who left kind thoughts and good wishes for me in the comments last chapter- they meant so much! 
> 
> In writing news... I'm halfway through writing Chapter 11 and I'm experiencing TERRIBLE writer's block. Every time I write something down, I think it sounds terrible and I delete it. So if any of you super-talented writers have wisdom for me, please pass it along. :) 
> 
> This chapter was hard for me to write, but I really enjoyed writing it. Enjoy!!!

Chapter 9

            As she laid out on the couch, tears silently rolling down her face, with an ache in her belly and her ankle, all Jyn felt was regret. In retrospect, Cassian was probably right.

* * *

 

            Jyn had rolled out of bed that morning, determined to go for a run. Cassian had reached out for her, tenderly kissing her neck, urging her to stay in bed with him. Jyn was briefly tempted, but ultimately got out of bed and pulled on some leggings and a t-shirt.

            As she started off her run, with the rhythm of her feet on the pavement, she sank into her thoughts. Since she had opened up to Cassian about her parents, there had been a shift in their relationship- Jyn had felt her walls come down. Simultaneously, her feelings for Cassian had grown to the point that she could no longer deny them. She had come to relish his kisses in the morning, the thoughtfully prepared dinners he made, how he always knew when to listen and when to speak. Jyn had settled into life with Cassian with a comfort she had never anticipated.

            There was only one problem. Jyn didn’t know how Cassian felt about her. While they had passionate sex, difficult conversations, and spent most every night together, Cassian hadn’t actually indicated that he had romantic feelings for her. Jyn did not want to be the first to admit weakness. So instead they were left in an awkward standoff, neither wanting to let down their defenses completely. All that led to events like what happened last night.

            _Cassian was doing dishes at the sink, having urged Jyn to sit down and rest her feet. Jyn leered at him from her seat at the granite island, enjoying the view from behind._

_“I could get used to this… you cooking dinner every night, doing the dishes after. I might keep you around.”_

_Cassian’s spine stiffened like a string pulled taut. “Could you?” he asked hesitantly._

_Observing the shift in his body language, Jyn’s heart snapped shut, a rabbit trap clamping down before ensnaring its prey. They were silent after that._

            Despite their reticence to speak the previous evening, they still ended up having sex. Jyn shook her head from frustration. She hated that she couldn’t just take off, feet pounding with a desire to feel free. Even if she ignored her better judgment, she physically couldn’t run that hard anymore. Jyn was constantly out of breath, the weight of the babies pushing up against her diaphragm with every step. The twins were also moving more insistently inside her now, and whenever Jyn ran, they enjoyed doing kickboxing practice against her kidneys.

            So absorbed was she in her thoughts, Jyn didn’t notice the pothole in front of her… until she caught her foot in it and fell, ankle twisting as she did. Her reflexes were fast, and she caught herself on her hands to break the fall, but she cried out at the sharp pain in her ankle. Jyn hissed out five different curses as she gingerly rolled herself into a seated position. _Of course_ , other runners on the trail were already rushing to her.

            “Are you okay?! Should I call an ambulance?”

            “Can you walk?”

            “Should you even be running like this in your condition?”

            The last question poked the bear in Jyn. Growling irritably, she snapped, “I’m fine, _thanks._ And I’ll run whenever I damn well want to.” Glaring at the other runners until they went on their way, Jyn waited to push herself to her feet. She’d never admit weakness to strangers, but her ankle was hurting like a bitch. As she lurched forward, she felt a little nauseous, pain lancing up and down her leg. It was only a quarter mile back to her apartment. She could make it.

* * *

 

            Cassian was already up making tea and scrambled eggs for Jyn when the door burst open, Jyn panting.

            “Hey, that was a quick run!” he called out from the kitchen.

            “I ran into a little trouble,” she gasped out tightly.

            Brow furrowed, Cassian recognized immediately from her voice that something was wrong. Turning off the stove, he quickly moved to the hallway, only to see Jyn limping towards the living room.

            “What happened?”

            Jyn waved her hand dismissively. “I tripped and fell in a pothole on the trail. I’m fine.”

            Cassian felt his heart leap into his mouth, but he kept his face smoothly composed. Letting his ER physician demeanor take over, he walked over to Jyn, lifting her up into his arms. Jyn vaguely kicked her feet in protest, but wrapped her arms around his neck all the same.

            Setting her down on the couch, he murmured, “Did you fall onto your abdomen?”

            Jyn vehemently shook her head. “No, I broke my fall- I knew I needed to-“

            Her voice broke, and Cassian saw a brief hint of fear in her eyes. Squeezing her hand, he reassured, “It’s going to be okay, Jyn. Is anything hurting?”

            She nodded. “I’m pretty sure I twisted my ankle, but I don’t think it’s broken. And I cut my hand when I broke my fall.”

            Running his hands lightly along her ankle, he palpated the joint. He didn’t detect any crepitus, but there was some significant inflammation.

            “It’s not broken, but you do need to ice it.” Cassian gently lifted her leg, propping up her foot on some pillows. Going back towards the kitchen to get some ice, he dropped the cubes when he heard Jyn cry out loudly. Running to the living room, he sped to her side when he saw her bent forward, clutching her abdomen and puffing out breaths.

            “I’m… I’m _cramping_.” she gasped out.

            Cassian’s throat ached. He knew what this could mean. Swallowing back his fear, he queried, “Have you been bleeding today?”

            Jyn nodded, and Cassian’s chest tightened as tears welled in her eyes. “There were a couple of drops of blood on the sheets this morning… I didn’t think it was a big deal.” Her lip trembled, and Cassian took her face in his hands. Pressing his lips to her brow, he comforted, “It’s okay, Jyn. It’s okay. We’re going to the hospital. Let’s go. It’s going to be alright. A few drops doesn’t mean…”

            Jyn’s hand flew out, grasped his wrist, almost sinking her nails in to stop him before he could finish his sentence. “Don’t say it,” she begged quietly.

            Nodding shortly, he gathered her in his arms. He felt like he was moving on auto-pilot as he carried Jyn out to his car, got her settled in the passenger seat. His mind was racing with thoughts, but he needed to mute his own panic. He couldn’t- _wouldn’t_ \- distress Jyn any further. Despite his attempts to steady his breathing, his knuckles were white against the steering wheel and his hands trembled as he drove them to the ER. Occasionally he would glance at Jyn. Her gaze was firmly set ahead, and he noticed how her fingernails were biting into her palms.

            When they arrived at the hospital, a nurse in triage rushed them straight back. Cassian helped Jyn dress into a gown and lay down on the bed. She looked small, and for the first time, Jyn looked fragile. Cassian sat in the chair beside the bed, rested his face in his hands.

            “Do you feel them?” he asked.

            Jyn nodded, looking straight ahead, lip trembling.

            Cassian attempted to lace his fingers with hers, but Jyn withdrew from him swiftly. He tried not to dwell on how much it hurt. He released a strangled exhale. The minutes bled together, and he lost track of time- something he rarely allowed to happen. Finally, an ultrasound technician blessedly arrived. She pushed Jyn’s bed out to radiology, and Cassian followed a short distance behind. He forced one foot in front of the other, simultaneously anticipating and dreading what he would see next.

            The ultrasound tech- Marla- quickly pulled up the front of Jyn’s gown, and Cassian noticed Jyn’s wince as the cool air hit her bare legs and thighs. He gently tucked the blanket up under her stomach, and rested his hand on the edge of the bed. Jyn watched him furtively, and he almost couldn’t look at her. He was in love with Jyn- had admitted it to himself weeks ago- but in moments like this he almost hated her, hated how it felt like she would take every last drop from him before releasing him back out into a world without her. He flexed his fingers, nearly reached for her, stopped himself as she jerked away impulsively.

            Marla was impervious to the tension in the room, and Cassian didn’t realize that she had started the ultrasound until he heard exactly what he needed- two heartbeats, beating strong, in sync. Looking up at the ultrasound, he watched as his babies kicked their feet, wiggled around. He dragged his eyes away from the ultrasound screen to check on Jyn. She was trembling, and tears started leaking from the corners of her eyes.

            “Are they okay?” she croaked.

            Marla looked at Jyn kindly. “The OB/GYN on call will need to look to make sure, but everything seems normal to me.”

            Jyn exhaled shakily, sinking a little into the bed. Marla stepped out to get the doctor, and Cassian leaned back into his chair, running a hand tiredly down his face. He glanced at his watch. Only 11 AM. How could he be so tired already- he felt like he had been awake for 24 hours. He closed his eyes, just to rest them for a minute….

* * *

 

            Jyn watched Cassian sleep. He was vulnerable- head tilted back, throat exposed, body lax with exhaustion. She had nearly made the same mistake this morning. She had come home to Cassian, let herself be exposed, let herself trust him- and then this scare with the babies occurred. It was as if the universe was tugging at her pant leg, telling her that nothing good can come from exposing your weak spots.

            She was still shaking from panic. She had frenetically discerned Cassian’s tension earlier- he tried his best to keep it all under his neutral veneer, but she could feel his alarm piercing the air between them. They had come so close to losing it all. Jyn didn’t know what frightened her more- no longer having the babies that she desperately wanted, or that Cassian wouldn’t have a reason to stay if she miscarried. Her fingers dug into the thin sheet under her body, and she gasped as it tore under her clenched digits. Her mind buzzed frantically, her thoughts couldn’t slow down. Notions of life without the babies, without Cassian, without any of this whirred too quickly for her to catch hold of one and squash it. She tried to tell herself that everything would be alright, but her mind screamed back at her,

_“You don’t know that. Nobody knows that.”_

           Jyn felt nauseous, and didn’t realize that she was retching until Cassian appeared at her side, grabbing a kidney dish from the bedside table. As she dry-heaved into the bowl, she could vaguely hear him speaking, but couldn’t piece the words together. Finally, gasping, she fell back with a thud. She closed her eyes in resignation when Cassian walked over with a cloth, tenderly wiped away the traces of her indiscretion. She felt the weight of his palm against her face, too warm, too gentle.

          “Jyn, Jyn, it’s alright. We’re all alright.”

           Jyn planted her gaze to the far wall, refused to be seen in that moment. She stiffened at Cassian’s hand on her shoulder.

           The doctor came into the room.

           “Hi, I’m Dr. Sobchak. I know that y’all want to get home- you had an eventful morning. I’ll keep this quick. How are you feeling now, Dr. Erso?”

            Jyn mumbled, “I’m fine.”

            Cassian hissed. “She just threw up, I don’t think she’s fine.”

            Dr. Sobchak chuckled, seemingly oblivious of the brewing storm in front of him. “Well, some nausea is to be expected. Based on the assessment by the residents and the symptoms you reported, you are having Braxton-Hicks contractions. A little early, but since you are having twins it’s not entirely unexpected.”

            “And the bleeding?” Cassian demanded.

            “When was the last time you had sex?” Dr. Sobchak asked.

            Cassian turned bright red at that. When he didn’t answer, Jyn rolled her eyes and responded, “We had sex last night.”

            The doctor smirked. Jyn was really starting to hate him. “Well, it’s fairly normal for some spotting to occur after pregnant women have sex. I don’t think the amount of bleeding you reported is anything to be concerned about, but if the bleeding increases in volume or frequency, go back to your regular OB/GYN for a re-check.”

            “As for your Braxton-Hicks contractions, it would be good for you to reduce the intensity of your exercise. Braxton-Hicks contractions are often aggravated by exercise, sex, and certain foods. The nurse can give you a list of foods to avoid, but in terms of activities- perhaps be a bit less vigorous when going out for runs, and doing… other things.”

            Jyn huffed, restraining herself from decking the arrogant physician in the face. She observed how Cassian’s jaw tightened.

            “Go to your OB/GYN for a check on Monday, but in the meantime- you are clear to go home.”

            Cassian nodded shortly, not bothering to thank the doctor. Jyn pointedly stared at the ceiling until the stocky man left their room. Cassian was quiet as he reviewed the discharge papers with the nurse. After the nurse left the room, Cassian broke the silence.

            “Jyn, I want you to keep doing the things you love, but you have to be more careful. You have people beyond yourself to think of now.”

            Jyn clenched her jaw, grinding her molars together in fury. He wanted to tell her how to care for her body? For the children she was growing inside her?

            “Get out.”

            Cassian shifted back on his heels, startled. Staring at her with wide eyes, he started, “Jyn-“

            “No, Cassian. I’m not some fucking vessel for these babies, I’m not fragile, stop treating me like I am. It’s pretty goddamn clear that you are more worried about these babies than you are about me or how I feel about anything. So get. The fuck. Out.”

            Cassian’s whole body was ramrod straight, his shoulders tight and guarded. His brown eyes had shuttered, but his anger was evident in the turn of his lips. He opened his mouth once- twice, and hissed out, “ _Por qué estas como este_?” before stomping out of the room, snapping the curtain shut behind him.

            In the reverberating silence that remained, Jyn felt empty. She had poured out everything that was filling her into the words she threw at Cassian. With a spark of irritation, she realized that she couldn’t get home without a ride. Heavily sighing out fumes of exhaustion and heartbreak, she pulled out her phone and called a cab.

* * *

 

            That evening, Jyn tried to position herself comfortably on the couch, getting her ankle propped up. Her anger had receded as quickly as it had flared, and she was left with a strong desire to have Cassian there with her. She was in pain, and the stress of the day hadn’t left her body. She didn’t need him there with her, but she wanted him there. In her younger years, the people she had wanted had also been people she had needed. When those she needed continued to leave her, she had stopped needing or wanting others. Now, she could take care of herself, and she had spent enough time with herself to discern need from want. What she felt for Cassian was so much stronger than a need.

            As she drifted through her ruminations, trying to ignore the throbbing in her ankle, she heard the front door unlock. Her heart skipped, knowing it could only be one person. As Cassian’s lanky body emerged in the frame of her living room, Jyn found that she had run out of words. No snarky retorts or sarcastic defenses to be found. Cassian was the only one who could drive past her scaly exoskeleton, straight to her tender, vulnerable core. The prospect terrified and thrilled her in equal measure.

            “I was angry at you earlier, Jyn,” he started, then stopped, cursing quietly to himself. He was clearly struggling to choose the right things to say. Jyn couldn’t help but smirk wryly. They were both so terrible at this- feeling things, caring about each other, admitting hard truths. Jyn and Cassian had spent too long in the dark, learning to keep their sentiments closely guarded from those who might hurt them. They grew into people cursed with the skill of self-preservation.

            “I thought you had left,” she admitted carefully. Cassian caught her gaze, and they both knew she wasn’t just talking about the hospital.

            “Jyn,” he sighed, and she could hear the quiet torture in his voice. “I’m not leaving you.”

            Jyn wanted to run. She wanted to escape and never come back. This admission, this promise- Cassian could never understand the weight of it. Jyn was trouble, and everyone left her eventually. She winced as tears welled up in her eyes, and Cassian’s face shifted to an expression of alarm. She looked away from him, tried to quiet the sniffles forcing themselves through her nostrils. As Cassian made his way towards her, she anticipated for him to reach for her stomach, ask about the babies, make sure that they were okay. Instead, he went to the other end of the couch, and delicately picked up her calf, resting her ankle and foot in his lap. Grabbing the ice pack that had slipped off her ankle, he gently pressed the cool balm to her joint, holding it there firmly while his thumb massaged the sole of her foot.

            “Even if we didn’t have them”- he pressed his palm to her stomach while looking at her significantly- “I would still want you. I would still care about you. I would still be here. I wanted you long before they were even in the picture.”

            Jyn laughed bitterly, “You wanted me before you really knew me.”

            Cassian growled with irritation, “Yes, and I know you now, in every sense of the word. The past three months have been the best months I’ve ever had, and it’s not just because of the babies Jyn, it’s because of you. I love you, and I want you in every way, all the time.”

            Jyn’s eyes widened, her jaw dropping a little. Her heart pounded against her ribs, and she felt like it might burst out of her chest. She instinctively tried to withdraw from Cassian, but he snapped his hand out quickly, firmly taking the calf of her good leg, and looked at her.

            “I’m not going anywhere, Jyn. I’m staying here. I love you.”

            Hands shaking, Jyn refused to look at Cassian. Finally, she quietly murmured, “Say it again.”

            She watched as the chocolate of his eyes melted in his warm gaze. “I love you.”

            “Do you mean it?”

            Cassian gave her a firm look, not unkind, but reminding her who he was, what they had already been through together. He cautiously crawled over the couch towards her, gently pulling her to straddle his lap while helping her to position her ankle in a way it wouldn’t be uncomfortable. He looked up into her eyes tenderly, brushing the stray locks of hair out of her eyes.

            “I love you. I don’t expect you to say it back if you aren’t ready to. But I need you to know how I feel, what I want.”

            “What do you want?” she murmured, teasingly grinding her hips against his. Almost hoping that she could distract him from the emotional intimacy with the promise of sex.

            He groaned, putting his hands against her waist to still her. “Jyn, I want to be a family with you. Not just co-parenting, but a mother and a father who live together with their children. I want to sleep in the same bed with you every night, I want to have our kids getting in bed with us when they have nightmares, I want to have breakfast and dinner with you every day…”

            Jyn pressed her lips to his then. He met her eagerly, pressing himself to her like a man starved. She pulled back, gasping.

            “Okay,” she assented.

            Cassian smiled at her then, kissing her tenderly across her cheekbones, her jawline, down her neck. When Jyn pulled her shirt off, Cassian paused.

            “The Braxton-Hicks contractions…”

            “I don’t give a shit what Dr. Pervert said, if I want to be fucked into the mattress by my boyfriend, goddamn it, I’m going to be as vigorous as I want.”

            Cassian burst out laughing then, and scooped Jyn into his arms as he swung to his feet. He set her on the bed gently, and their hands and mouths were a blur as they frantically stripped clothes from one another, wanting to feel the press of their naked bodies against each other. After they were completely bare, Cassian slid a hand lazily down to Jyn’s mound, slipping his fingers between her folds.

            “So wet,” he murmured against her ear, lightly playing with her clitoris as she gasped with pleasure. He slipped two fingers into her, moaning when he felt how easily she took him in. Thumbing at her clit as he pumped his fingers in and out of her, he watched Jyn carefully. It was so dirty, feeling Cassian touch her like this, watching her every reaction, listening to him mutter Spanish in her ear as his thumb rolled against her clit relentlessly. When his fingers crooked invitingly against the spot that would make her come, she bucked and cried out.

“Are you this wet for me?” he asked, tapping the pads of his fingers against her swollen G-spot.

            Jyn pushed her hips against his hand, trying to get him deeper, to give herself to him more fully. She could feel the hard, heavy weight of his cock against her thigh, feel the precome leaking from it in his excitement.

            He slowed the thrust of his fingers, moving more shallowly within her. Biting her earlobe teasingly, he growled, “I asked if you are this wet for me.”

            With that, he plunged his fingers more deeply into her, and she shook with pleasure. “Yes,” she gasped, “it’s for you.”

            He moaned, pressing a biting kiss to her throat. “I can’t wait to be inside you, Jyn. Do you want that?”

            Jyn nodded frantically, gasping. She was in a frenzy of pleasure, unable to form a coherent thought.

            “Come on, Jyn,” he urged. “Let go, let me see you come. You’re so fucking sexy when you come.”

            At that, her back arched up off the bed, and she shrieked with pleasure as Cassian continued his encouraging murmurs in her ear and the intense grinding of his thumb against her clit. Quaking with the intensity of her orgasm, she could feel her slick seeping out around Cassian’s driving fingers.

            As she came down, Cassian kissed her deeply, running his free hand along her cheek. “You’re so beautiful.”

            Jyn nodded, eyes closed, pressing herself into his warmth. As he carefully slipped his fingers out of her, Jyn shivered. Cassian laid out on his back next to her, and Jyn looked over at him. She started to straddle his lap, but stopped.

            He placed his hand on her arm. “Jyn, if you’re too tired, it’s okay. We’ve both had a big day, we can do this another day when you’re better rested.”

            She felt an ache in her throat at how tender he was. What had she done to deserve this good man?

            Hesitantly, shyly, she started, “No, I want to… but I was thinking we could try something a little different.”

            Brow furrowed, Cassian watched as Jyn rolled over to lay on her back, tucked a pillow under her hips. She laid out invitingly next to him. They had sex in many different positions previously, but Jyn had never let him be on top before. It gave away too much control, and the press of their bodies against each other in that way felt too intimate.

            “Are you sure?’ he asked. “I didn’t think you would like this.”

            “Only with you,” she whispered. It wasn’t a love song, or poetry, but it was trust. She took Cassian into her arms, and they gasped in unison when he pressed himself into her. As he started a gentle rhythm, Jyn could feel her sensitive walls responding already, fluttering around him. Wrapping her arms behind his back, she pressed her fingertips into his shoulders.  Cassian reached down and took the back of her thigh in his palm, bent her leg higher so she opened at a wider angle. Her eyes widened with pleasure at the deeper penetration, and she cried out, clinging to him more tightly. He choked out a strangled gasp, pressed his face into her neck. He placed the crook of her knee over his shoulder, then looked at her.

            “Okay?” he forced out.

            Jyn nodded, humming with delight. One of the bonuses of pregnancy was greatly increased flexibility in her hips. It had definitely made sex a bit more adventurous.

            Cassian ground his pelvis into the cradle of her thighs, and she exclaimed at the delicious friction it created against her clit. He began to move inside her more urgently, and babbled sweet nothings in her ear as he came closer to losing control. His hand moved to her mound, fingers greedily rubbing against her labia and clit, and they both cried out when his fingers slipped in her slick to touch where they were joined.

            The stimulation and the intimacy were too intense, and Jyn shook apart a second time, crying out Cassian’s name and gasping in deep inhales of air as she saw stars. Cassian moaned as her walls massaged his cock, coaxing his seed to come spilling from him into her.

            Cassian collapsed on his side next to her, pulling her leg to rest up on his hip.

            “I love you, Jyn. So much.”

            “I trust you, Cassian,” she murmured back.

            Jyn savored the feeling of warmth and safety as Cassian pulled her into his arms. Trust was a good feeling.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian find out the sex of the babies!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> I hope February is off to a good start for all of you! I've had a few big things happen in the past few weeks....  
> 1) I quit my current job! And I got hired for a new job that is infinitely more awesome, and based at a local elite university! So that is very exciting. IT ALSO MEANS I HAVE A MONTH BEFORE I START WORKING AGAIN. So lots of time to work on fanfic writing!
> 
> 2) I overcame my writer's block, and I've finished Chapter 11! Hopefully this story will be completely done by end of March/early April, but we shall see! 
> 
> 3) Because I have a month off work- I'm going on a whirlwind trip to New Orleans in two weeks! If any of you have recommendations for sights/eats/sounds that I need to check out while there, let me know here or on Tumblr! 
> 
> 4) (this is the really exciting one) I'M GOING TO MEXICO CITY IN MAY! I've been planning this trip since November, but didn't want to say anything until it's set in stone. If any of you would like to join me in Mexico City, or live in Mexico City, I'm so down to hang out! I'll also be doing a stopover in Chicago for a friend's graduation on my way to Mexico City, so lemme know if any of you are in that area and want to meet up! I'm always excited by virtual friendships becoming in-person friendships! 
> 
> You guys are all fantastic, thank you so much for all the tips and support in the comments and on Tumblr! Happy (early!) Valentine's Day, and happy early Galentine's Day!!
> 
> As a side note- I saw a couple of comments curious about Jyn’s choice to not say “I love you” back to Cassian in the last chapter. That was a very conscious decision on my part. Jyn is definitely more “avoidantly attached” (read: scared of commitment) than Cassian. Cassian understands this about her, and loves her regardless. That’s why he told her she didn’t need to say it back yet. There will be some repercussions of this decision in future chapters, but I think it’s important that people say “I love you” when they feel it, not out of a sense of obligation.

Chapter 10

            Jyn sat in the waiting room, tapping her feet and bouncing her knees. She was halfway prepared to run out the door (a prospect she had already considered three times before in the past ten minutes) when a nurse came into the lobby and called her name. As they walked back to the exam room, Jyn cursed Cassian silently.

            This had all begun three weeks previously. Cassian and Jyn had been laying in a post-coital bliss, Cassian tracing his hand lazily from the curve of her stomach to the curve of her ass. He smiled at her, tangling his fingers into her hair with his free hand. Jyn did what she always did- pull away instinctively.

            Hurt flashed in Cassian’s eyes for the briefest moment, before he murmured “Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist?”

            Jyn fully jerked back from him at that, hackles raised. “I haven’t, because I don’t need to see a shrink.”

            Cassian groaned, covering his face with his hand. “ _Mierda,_ I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

            She didn’t move any closer to him, but she didn’t run, either. When he was reassured of her presence, Cassian continued.

            “I didn’t mean that in a negative way, Jyn. I just… you have a lot of trust issues. Don’t you think it would be good to work on some of those? I want to help you work on them, too, but I can’t help you if you don’t know what you need.”

            Jyn was silent for a while. Cassian didn’t prompt her to speak, just waited patiently. While she denied it verbally, she had known for a long time that she needed to speak to a professional about her traumatic past. That she had chosen a profession deeply integrated with loss made it even worse. Her panic attacks had increased in frequency since she got pregnant, anxiety a buzzing presence that kept her mind from ever quieting.

            “I’m not used to talking about these things,” Jyn murmured.

            Cassian still just watched her. After a lingering silence, he reached out for her, began his hand’s journey from stomach to bottom again. She looked back into his deep brown eyes, admired the sharp cut of his cheekbones. Her thumb traced his bottom lip as words spilled from his mouth.

            “I think that’s an even better reason to see someone. Not talking about problems doesn’t make them go away.”

            Jyn turned her gaze to the ceiling, eyes tracing the minute cracks in the plaster. “How would you know?”

            Cassian barked out a disbelieving laugh. “You know what my childhood was like. Do you think I was always this calm?”

            Jyn shrugged.

            “I wasn’t. I was angry for a long time. I used to get in fights at school, even at parties when I started university. I decided to go to the counseling center after I broke a guy’s nose at a party my sophomore year. The counselor recognized what I couldn’t see in myself- I had been fighting since I was six years old, and when there was no battle for me, I started creating them for myself.”

            He shifted onto his back, pressing his lips to Jyn’s fingers. “I still have a temper, but it was so much worse before I saw a professional. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t make you weak- it means you’re strong enough to make a change.”

            Inhaling shakily, Jyn nodded. “Okay, I’ll give it a try. For you.”

            Cassian squeezed her fingers. “I don’t want this for me- I want this for _you._ ”

            So now Jyn was at the doctor’s office. It wasn’t a therapist, but a psychiatrist counts as a start, right? Cassian didn’t have to know the difference.

            Luke walked into his office at that moment. Settling onto the armchair across from the couch, he smiled at her calmly. It did nothing to soothe Jyn’s nerves. She didn’t tell Bodhi, because there were some things best left unsaid, but Luke’s state of perpetual calm unnerved her. She didn’t understand how some people could be that mellow.

            “Hi Jyn. What brings you here today?”

            Clasping her hands together, Jyn determinedly set her eyes on the bookshelf next to Luke’s desk. “I’ve been having a lot of anxiety lately, and I’m not handling it well. I’ve been having panic attacks.”

            Luke hummed sympathetically. “You indicated on your paperwork that you are 22 weeks pregnant. Did this anxiety start with your pregnancy?”

            Jyn bit her lip, shook her head. “No, I’ve been this way for a long time. I’ve just never done anything about it before.”

            “That doesn’t sound very comfortable, constantly wrestling with your anxiety.”

            Jyn huffed bitterly. “Yeah, well, I wouldn’t exactly call my life thus far a joyride.”

            Luke chose to gloss over her retort, still serenely writing out notes on a pad of paper. “Do you feel like your anxiety has gotten worse since you got pregnant?”

            “Why do you think I’m here?” Jyn asked challengingly.

            Nodding, Luke continued unperturbed. It was infuriating that she couldn’t illicit a reaction from him. “How do you want me to help you?”

            “I want to go on medication. Something that’s safe for the babies, but I need something to stop the panic attacks.”

            Luke sighed, set down his notepad. “Jyn, I can write you a script today, but I don’t think that’s going to fix everything for you. You probably do need an anxiolytic to help prevent onset of these panic attacks, but I think you need to consider other options to use in tandem with medical treatment.”

            Jyn could feel his penetrating gaze settle on her. She resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably. “Have you ever seen a therapist?”

            Jyn barked out a laugh. Maybe Cassian _did_ know what her initial strategy would be. “Have you been talking to Cassian?”

            “You know that patient confidentiality prevents me from discussing your case with him. But don’t you think it’s telling that someone you’re very close to also thinks you should see a therapist?”

            Jyn didn’t respond. Luke pushed forward. “Looking at the answers you provided on my questionnaire, you have had an uncommonly traumatic past. A mother who died when you were very young, another parent dead by suicide, and constantly being uprooted throughout your childhood. Not to mention that you have a job that is emotionally draining.”

            Luke grabbed a business card from the table next to his chair. “I’m giving you this card hoping that you will go to this therapist. He’s one of the best- I’ve gone to him as a patient myself. His name is Dr. Riku Yoda. His methods can be a bit unconventional, but I think you’ll make a lot of progress with him.”

            Jyn reluctantly accepted the business card from him. Luke pulled out his prescription pad, and started writing. “I’m prescribing you Buspar 15 mg tablets. You can take them as needed, but don’t take more than 60 mgs in a day. I’d recommend that you take 7.5 in the morning after eating breakfast, and 15 mg before bedtime. Anytime you start feeling the onset of a panic attack, take a 7.5 mg dose. The medication is quite fast-acting, so you should feel better within 20 minutes if not sooner. Make sure to eat before taking this- it can make you pretty nauseous. I tell most patients to eat little snacks throughout the day so they don’t get caught on an empty stomach.”

            Jyn took the script from Luke, and murmured, “Thank you.”

            “It’s no problem, Jyn. I’d like to see you back in two weeks to check in. Hopefully you will have had at least one appointment with Dr. Yoda by that time. Feel free to call my office if you have questions any sooner.”

            Jyn looked down at Dr. Yoda’s card as she exited Luke’s office, and nervously began dialing the number listed on the back.

* * *

 

            Continuing the streak of doctor’s appointments, Jyn and Cassian were now sitting in an exam room, waiting for Leia to come in. They had decided to stop hiding their relationship the previous week, after Cassian went to Draven and explained that he would need some family leave time in November.

            Laid out on the table, Jyn turned to Cassian. “What do you want?”

            Cassian leaned back, lost in thought for a moment. “I want a boy and a girl. You?”

            Jyn grinned mischievously at him. “I want two girls, just so we can outnumber you.”

            He rolled his eyes at her good-naturedly. Shara Bey came into the room then, smiling enthusiastically. Getting straight to work, she took Jyn’s weight and blood pressure, went through the usual questions, and pulled out a clipboard.

            “In a month, I’ll be teaching a childbirth class. I also have sign-up sheets for a breastfeeding class taught by one of the hospital’s lactation consultants, and an infant care class taught by one of the pediatric nurses. I thought you all might want to get on the list!”

            Cassian quickly grabbed the forms and started filling them out. Jyn held back a smirk. Cassian _loved_ going to classes and reading books on any subject he was unfamiliar with, whereas Jyn was more into flying by the seat of her pants. However, Jyn had mentally blocked most of her year 3 obstetrics rotation, so a refresher on childbirth might not be such a bad thing.

            After Cassian returned the sign-ups to Shara, she left to get Leia. When Leia came into the room, Jyn’s heart sped up with excitement. Her feet shifted against the crinkly paper on the table, and Cassian squeezed her knee affectionately. She could tell by his barely-contained grin that he was equally excited.  

            Leia couldn’t contain her smile, either. “I take it neither of you want to know the sex of the babies today?”

            Jyn threw her arm out to gently swat at her. Leia threw her hands up in protest. “I’m _kidding._ ”

            Jyn quickly pulled up her shirt, and Leia spread out the cool gel onto her stomach. As the probe pressed firmly against her skin, Cassian squeezed her hand tightly. When the babies popped up on the screen, Jyn’s chest surged with warmth. How was it possible to feel so much affection for two little people you hadn’t met? Turning to meet Cassian’s gaze, she had the sudden desire to kiss him. Watching his gaze soften, his lips quirk up at the sides, made her care about him even more.

            Leia’s excited voice broke through the silence. “Well, it looks like they have decided to cooperate today!”

            Jyn barely resisted the urge to shift impatiently. Cassian rested his hand on her arm, rubbing his thumb along it soothingly. “And?”

            “Well, we have baby number one right here…” Leia pointed to the baby on the left end of the screen.

            “And baby number one is… a boy!”

            Cassian broke out into a wide grin, and Jyn’s lip wobbled slightly, meeting Cassian’s gaze and hoping she could communicate her joy with her eyes.

            “Baby number two just shifted… and it’s a girl!”

            Jyn broke into an even wider grin. Cassian laughed. “I guess my wish did come true!” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jyn’s forehead. He quietly told her how much he loved her.

            Leia cleared her throat. “Well, everything else looks good on the scan today, and since you appear quite healthy, we’ll just plan to see you back in two weeks.”

Jyn grinned as Cassian accepted Leia’s warm hug- her open affection wasn’t something he was completely used to yet. Leia squeezed Jyn’s ankle affectionately. “I can’t wait to meet them.”

            Jyn smiled back at Leia, and murmured softly, “Neither can I.”

* * *

 

            On the drive home, Cassian was unusually quiet.

            “Something wrong?” asked Jyn.

            Cassian shook his head. “It just occurred to me that I’ve never taken you on an actual date.”

            Jyn grinned, gesturing to her swollen stomach. “I think it’s a little late for that, Dr. Andor.”

            “Hey, you turned me down the first time I offered!”

            “Well, I guess since you’ve ruined me for anyone else… I might as well say yes.”

            Cassian glared at her. She quickly knotted her fingers through his, playfully kissing his knuckles and biting his fingertips until he batted her away. Clearing his throat, he decided to take the conversation in a decidedly less sexy direction.

            “How do you feel about doing all the classes? I know that kind of stuff isn’t really your thing.”

            Jyn took a deep breath. “I’m a pediatrician, so I think that we’ll breeze through the infant care class. I’m more nervous about the breastfeeding class and the childbirth classes. I actively tried to forget my obstetrics rotation…. I ruined three pairs of shoes during that period in my life. And I’m terrified about breastfeeding.”

            Cassian glanced at her curiously. “What about breastfeeding scares you?”

            Jyn snorted. “Only a man would say that. Have you not heard breastfeeding horror stories?”

            “I mean, I’ve heard it can be painful….”

            “ _That’s_ a massive understatement. I know one mother who had to stop because the skin of one nipple started sloughing off. Plus there’s mastitis, low supply… there’s so many little details to worry about. One mother told me that her nipples never looked the same again after breastfeeding.”

Cassian resisted the urge to cringe at the thought of nipples peeling off Jyn’s perfect breasts. “Well, you could just pump instead. Or you can formula feed. It’s your body Jyn- I’m not going to tell you what to do.”

            Jyn squeezed his hand tightly, and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “It’s not like I would listen anyway.”

* * *

 

            Two nights later, Jyn was being led out the door of Cassian’s apartment to go on their date. Cassian had been very secretive about what they would be doing, and Jyn was trying her best to play along and not be impatient.

            “Trying her best” meant not asking every five minutes… only every 30 minutes.

            Cassian had told her that it was okay to wear a dress, so she assumed that they couldn’t be doing anything too athletic. Jyn had always hated wearing dresses, but now that she was pregnant with twins, dresses were a glorious relief. It was so much easier to slip a sundress over her head than struggle to keep balance while pulling pants on.

            They drove for about ten minutes before pulling up in front of a tiny little shop with stickers almost completely covering the windows. Walking inside, Jyn was greeted with the scent of Mexican food. Her mouth watered.

            Cassian grinned at her. Pressing his lips to her temple, he murmured, “There’s a free salsa bar with unlimited chip refills.”

            Her stomach grumbled with enthusiasm. “Are you trying to seduce me?” Jyn whispered.

            Cassian chuckled. “No, just a cheap date.”

            After they had placed their orders, they went to find a table. Jyn relished the feeling of Cassian’s palm planted against her lower back. Even though they’d been having sex for a few months, the affection and protectiveness of that small gesture spoke volumes. Settling into a colorful booth, Jyn started, “I thought that we could go shopping for cribs this weekend-“

            She glared at Cassian as he put a finger to her lips. He gently took her hand in his and squeezed it. “No talking about the babies tonight. Just us.”

            Jyn squeezed his hand back. It was so nice to feel heard. Taking a deep breath, she started again. “Okay. What’s your favorite color?”

            Cassian burst out laughing, shaking his head with a wide grin. “Blue is my favorite color. You?”

            “Green.”

            “What’s your best childhood memory?” The words slipped out of Cassian’s mouth quickly, and Jyn could see he already regretted the question.

            Jyn sucked in a breath. She tried her best to avoid thinking about her childhood at all. Cassian quietly murmured, “You don’t have to answer. I shouldn’t have asked.”

            She shook her head. “No, it’s alright. I just haven’t thought about it in a long time.”

            Squeezing his fingers, she smiled shakily. “When I was about five years old, Mama and Papa took me ice skating. It was my first time, and I kept falling and scraping my knees. Papa and Mama were so patient, they each held one of my hands while they taught me. After we were done, we went down the street and Papa bought me a huge banana split. I remember I kept laughing because he kept stealing the cherries off my sundae.” She laughed a little. “I had completely forgotten about that until you asked me.”

            Cassian smiled at her fondly. After a few moments of silence, he hesitantly spoke. “We had so many frogs around my home in Mexico. I used to love to play with them. When they laid their eggs, I would go out and find the baby frogs. One day, Mama was on the phone with Tia Alicia in the kitchen, and I came in and dumped tons of baby frogs out on the kitchen floor. I had carried them all inside the house in my shirt. I remember Mama screamed, and I started to cry because I thought she was angry. Once she had recovered, she pulled me into her lap and told me she wasn’t angry, just surprised. She gave me kisses and told me how proud she was that I was so curious.”

            Jyn quietly said, “She sounds so kind and patient. Like you.”

            Cassian’s gaze softened. “She was. She was very gentle, and she sang beautifully. Papa once told me that he fell in love with her singing.”

            “What were their names?” Jyn asked.

            “Papa’s name was Hernan, and Mama’s name was Lucia.”

            “I like those names,” she softly admitted.

            They carried on like that a bit longer, sharing happy memories from their childhoods and college years, until a comfortable silence settled over them. It was broken by a cheerful waitress carrying over a massive platter of soup, tacos, and chips. Jyn eagerly scarfed down a bowl of shrimp soup before digging into carnitas taco. She moaned loudly as she swallowed the fatty pork.

            “This is so fucking good. It might be better than sex…” she glanced over at Cassian with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

            “I’ll have to bring you back here next time your insatiable appetite attempts to suck me dry,” he quipped.

            They munched on their food, the quiet between them punctuated by sounds of enjoyment, until Jyn had her fill. Cassian had given up on keeping pace with her appetite two months ago. Making their way out of the restaurant (and loaded down with little cups of free salsa that Jyn insisted on taking home), Jyn smiled up at Cassian.

            “This was nice.”

            “It was.”

            “This is the first date that I’ve been on in… four years?”

            That stopped Cassian in his tracks. “How?!”

            Jyn looked down sheepishly. “I gave up on dating. Too much hassle, and I never felt like I got much out of it. I started picking up one-night stands at bars instead.”

            “If I had known this was your first date in that long, I would have picked something nicer…”

            She grabbed his arm. “No, Cassian. This was perfect. Really. It’s exactly what I wanted. Although there is one way you could improve it…”

            He glanced down at her, eyebrow raised.

            “Give me a foot rub when we get home?”

            Pulling Jyn to him and pressing his lips to her temple, he murmured, “That could be arranged.”

* * *

 

            The next morning, Cassian got up early and surprised Jyn with breakfast in bed. While Jyn happily noshed on scrambled eggs and bacon, Cassian cautiously spoke.

            “I was thinking we could give house hunting another shot today.”

            Jyn paused momentarily, then agreed. “Okay.”

            Cassian raised his eyebrows. “That’s it? No argument?”

            Jyn rolled her eyes. “I mean, we need to find a bigger place. I think that we should just go to neighborhoods that we like and look for houses for sale, instead of trying to find the perfect house on Zillow.”

            “That doesn’t seem like a very efficient method of home-buying.”

            “Well, I mean, it’s not like we made a lot of progress with _your_ way of doing it. Let’s just try it, and see what we find.”

            Relieved that Jyn was at least agreeing to look for a house, Cassian just nodded and hopped in the shower.

* * *

 

            When they pulled out of the driveway of his duplex, Cassian wasn’t really sure where to go. Jyn gave the utterly unhelpful directions of “Just drive”. However, when they pulled into a neighborhood with a school and a playground, Jyn urged Cassian to park the car.

            “Let’s just get out and walk around.”

            Agreeing to Jyn’s whim, Cassian pulled the car over. Linking hands, they strolled up the street.

            “I never had anything like this growing up,” she murmured.

            Cassian squeezed her fingers, but waited for her to continue talking.

            “After Mama died, Papa couldn’t bear to be in our old house anymore. Instead, he moved us to live in the apartment complex that his friend Saw lived in. It wasn’t a bad apartment, but it wasn’t a place for children. There weren’t other kids in the complex, and there wasn’t a playground or anything like that. Saw was an environmental activist, so he would take me with him to protests to try to keep me entertained.”

            Cassian guffawed disbelievingly. “They thought that was what a young child needed?”

            Jyn tensed next to him, and Cassian could immediately tell that he had said the wrong thing. “It’s not like your aunt and uncle were much better, Cassian.”

            Jerking his hand out of hers, Cassian growled, “That was different. We were in a country suffering from dire economic inequality- “  

            “And we are in a country where chemical companies regularly pollute our waterways and create products that damage our planet!” Jyn snapped.

            Fuming, each pointedly looked away from the other. Jyn sped up her pace, and Cassian didn’t make an effort to keep up. When she was about 50 yards ahead of him, she stopped suddenly, and his heart leapt with worry for a moment- until he saw the “For Sale” sign staked in the front yard of the house she was looking at.

            As he came closer, he saw that Jyn was grinning widely. “This is it, Cassian. This is the house I want.”

            Panting a little from his increased pace, Cassian protested, “Jyn, we haven’t even looked at any other houses.”

            “This is the one I want.”

            “Why?” He couldn’t keep the confusion out of his voice.

            Jyn waved a sales pamphlet in his face. “Look… five bedrooms, a huge backyard, a finished basement, a little in-ground pool with fencing already built, a huge eat-in kitchen. It’s the perfect home for our family.”

            Cassian’s heart squeezed, and his previous anger melted away. How could he stay angry at Jyn when she reminded him that she was giving him what he wanted most? Wrapping an arm tightly around her waist, he splayed his fingers against the side of her belly.

            “When’s the open house?”

            Jyn shook her head. “We should knock on the door, ask if we can look around.”

            Cassian tensed nervously. “I don’t think they’d appreciate us barging in….”

            “I have a good feeling about this, Cassian. Mama always told me to trust my gut feelings.”

            Cassian’s introverted side protested, but his love for Jyn won out. So he found himself standing next to Jyn on the front stoop, arm wrapped around her waist, nervously waiting for the homeowners to come to the door.

* * *

 

            When Jyn stepped into the house, her heart leaped. A tall woman with thick, dark hair had answered the door and immediately invited them in. As the woman introduced herself to Cassian, Jyn looked around in wonder. Her gut hadn’t been wrong- this was the perfect house. The entryway was wide and spacious, with an office space to either side and a pathway directly to the kitchen. She felt one of the babies flutter in her stomach, and smiled at the thought of their children chasing each other through the halls.

            “When are you due?” the woman asked softly.

            Cassian cleared his throat. “Michelle, the babies are due in November. A little over halfway there!”

            Jyn smiled at him, relieved that he recognized she hadn’t been paying attention to the introductions. “We’re very excited, but our apartments will definitely be too small for the four of us!”

            Michelle smiled. “Our children are out at a baseball game with my wife this morning, but I can tell you- they love this house. If we didn’t have to move for my job, then we would stay here until the kids all went off to college!”

            Jyn chatted easily with Michelle as they toured the house. With each room, she fell more in love. Glancing at Cassian occasionally, she could tell he was equally enamored. She resisted the urge to smirk smugly at him.

When they wrapped up the tour, Michelle poured them glasses of lemonade in the kitchen.

“I’ll be honest… we’ve gotten a LOT of offers for this house. But I really like you both, and I really think you two would be the perfect owners for this house. How interested are you?”

Cassian spoke before Jyn could. “We love it.”

Jyn’s lips twitched up softly- she loved that they could read each other well enough to communicate without speaking.

“If you put in a competitive offer in the next three days, the house is yours.”

Cassian’s eyebrows raised. Ever the pragmatist, he asked, “By competitive, you mean…?”

Michelle laughed, “A _reasonable_ offer. Not necessarily the highest, but something on par with other offers we’ve received.”

Cassian nodded. “We’ll talk tonight, and hopefully have an offer for you soon.”

            They chatted about the babies and their careers for a few more minutes, before Michelle received a call from work, and Jyn and Cassian made their excuses to leave.

            As they got back into Cassian’s car, Jyn raised her eyebrows at him significantly, a smirk tugging at her lips.

            Shooting her a glare, Cassian muttered, “You were right… and that’s the _only_ time I’m saying that.”

            Sporting a self-satisfied grin, Jyn muttered, “That’s what you say now,” as Cassian started the car.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian’s birthday!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! I’m back!!! 
> 
> I WILL BE IN MEXICO CITY WITH MY BFF IN 72 HOURS. 
> 
> In honor of this momentous occasion, please enjoy some gratuitous rebelcaptain fluff and smut. 
> 
> Please enjoy, I love you guys, sorry for the wait, you are all amazing, hugs and kisses!!!

 

            Jyn was sitting in an airy lobby, surrounded by windows, filling out one of the oddest questionnaires she had ever encountered. She had only been to a therapist’s office once before- back in her freshman year of college after her advisor mandated that she go to sessions at the counseling center to discuss the loss of her father.

            _What are your greatest fears? What triggers your anxiety? How do you feel about intense physical exercise? Can you do a handstand?_

The list went on and on. Jyn considered herself to be quite fit, but didn’t think a lot of the activities named in Dr. Yoda’s survey were possible for her in her current stage of pregnancy. At 24 weeks, she decidedly looked like someone had stuffed a watermelon under her shirt. Cassian was constantly reassuring her that he still found her incredibly beautiful, and he was always eager for sex, but Jyn couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable in her own skin. Her feet and ankles were swelling to the point that running was difficult, and stretch marks were starting to emerge in red stripes across her belly. She felt like her body was no longer hers, and for someone who took pride in her autonomy, that was a tough pill to swallow.

            Jyn was chewing absentmindedly on her fingernails when a wizened old man with a scoliosis slump and large ears came through the door. He smiled at her mysteriously.

            “Dr. Erso, you are?” he croaked out. Jyn nodded slowly, unsure of how to respond to his odd syntax. He waved his hand at her. “Come. Much to learn, we have.”

            Jyn stood up wordlessly, and Dr. Yoda took the clipboard from her hand as she entered a small office with a fireplace crackling in the corner. Jyn raised her eyebrows. It was the middle of August in North Carolina, and Jyn had been practically dying of heat exhaustion in her apartment.

            Seeing Jyn glance at the fireplace, Dr. Yoda said, “Not here for very long. Our learning, we do outside.”

            Jyn grimaced. She wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be reassurance.

            She sat quietly while Dr. Yoda perused through her recently completed questionnaire. When he was done, he looked up. “Yes, your first mission, I have.”

            “Mission?” Jyn repeated.

            “Come,” said Dr. Yoda. “Go for a ride, we will.”

            Jyn balked. “I never ride in cars with people I don’t know”

            Yoda looked at her carefully. “Yes, you have fear. Overcome that, you must. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering for you, and suffering for the ones you love. Learn to trust, you must.”

            Jyn bit her lip. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. Thought of Cassian and the babies. She was doing this for them. She nodded, following Dr. Yoda out of the office to the parking lot. When they arrived at his car, Jyn nearly groaned in frustration. Dr. Yoda drove a smart car. Because _of course_ he did. Why couldn’t it have been a Suburban, or a Humvee? Hands shaking, she slowly got into the car and buckled herself in. Dr. Yoda said nothing as he started the car and pulled out into the street. When they arrived at the first stop light, he finally spoke.

            “In your past, your traumas are. Talk about them, we will. Talking will not help you overcome all your fears. Learn to manage them, you must.”

            Jyn’s hands were trembling. Dr. Yoda continued, “Be present in this moment, you must. Do not relive the trauma.”

            Jyn hissed, trying to hold back from snapping at the doctor.

            “Dr. Erso, what are five things that you see around you right now?”

            Darting her eyes around, trying to keep tears at bay, Jyn forced herself to look at her surroundings from the window. Pulling in a shuddering breath, she started. “I see… an oak tree.”

            Dr. Yoda nodded, gestured for her to continue.

            Pulling in another breath, Jyn resumed, “I see a mother walking with her dog and her daughter. I see a cat running into the sewer grate on the curb.” Eyes roving around the scenery passing by the car window, she noticed that her breathing was beginning to calm. “I see yellow apartments with blue doors. And I see an elementary school.”

            Dr. Yoda tipped his head approvingly. “Now, roll down the window, and tell me five things you can hear.”

            They continued with this exercise for 45 minutes, Dr. Yoda driving around, Jyn observing her surroundings. To her great surprise, the technique actually worked. By the end of the drive, her hands were no longer shaking, and the tension had left her body. When they pulled back into the parking lot, Jyn calmly opened the door and stepped out of the car. Nodding approvingly, Dr. Yoda said, “See you next week, I will.”

            Jyn made her way to where Cassian was parked, waiting to pick her up. When she opened the passenger door, he smiled up at her.

            “How did it go today?”

            Drawing in a shaky breath, she squeezed Cassian’s hand. “It was hard. But I think that I can get better.”

            Pulling her hand close to him, Cassian pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “I know you can. You’re the strongest person I know.”

            Swallowing back the lump in her throat, Jyn set her gaze determinedly ahead, trying not to cry at the overwhelming emotions inside of her. She felt Cassian squeeze her fingers reassuringly before pulling out of his parking space and starting to drive. Feeling her heart rate pick up, Jyn began to practice Dr. Yoda’s exercises once again. When they arrived home, she felt calmer than she had in a long time.

* * *

 

            The next day, Jyn and Bodhi were sitting in the staff lounge, enjoying a quiet lunch break. Jyn had given up her and Bodhi’s traditional lunch break meal of Mexican food- her heartburn was aggravated too much by spicy food. Instead, she was eating a sandwich that Cassian had packed for her the night before. While she nibbled at it, Bodhi looked over at her curiously.

            “Isn’t Cassian’s birthday on Saturday?”

            Jyn grunted, then mumbled, “Don’t remind me.”     

            “What are you doing for it?’

            She shook her head in frustration. “I have no idea. I’m horrible at birthday presents.”

            Bodhi grinned mischievously. “I think I know what you could give him…” He wiggled his hips suggestively.

            Jyn rolled her eyes. “We already have sex like… five times a week.”

            Bodhi glanced at her significantly. “Is there anything he really wants that you haven’t given him before?”

             Jyn was silent in thought for a moment. “I’m not sure. I guess I could ask him tonight.”

            Bodhi nodded encouragingly. “Also, I overheard him talking to Kay the other day. He really wants that new onychopathology text that came out.”

            Grinning widely, Jyn leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Bodhi’s cheek. “You’re the best- I don’t know what I would do without you.”

            Blushing at the attention, Bodhi muttered, “It’s no problem- this is what friends are for.”

* * *

 

            That night, Jyn and Cassian were cuddling in bed, Cassian’s face pressed against her stomach. He was quietly talking to the babies while Jyn ran her fingers through his thick locks.

            “ _Ya te amo, mis amores. No puedo esperar a conocerlos.”_

            He looked up at Jyn, eyes shining. “How can I love them so much when I haven’t met them yet?”

            Jyn shook her head. “I don’t know. But I feel the same way.”  

            Cassian pressed an open palm to her belly, and Jyn sucked in a breath as one of the babies kicked back at its father’s hand. Cassian swung his head towards Jyn, a disbelieving expression on his face. Jyn looked at him quizzically.

            “I… I just felt one of them kick!” He let out a sharp laugh, mouth quirked up to one side. He shifted his hand over, pressing his palm lower on her stomach. Jyn puffed out a breath when one of the babies pattered its feet against the press of Cassian’s hand.

            Cassian smiled with delight. Air caught in Jyn’s lungs. She had never felt so happy, and though she didn’t quite have the courage to say it yet, she thought that she might be able to admit it eventually.

* * *

 

“Hurry up, Jyn! We said we’d be at Shara and Kes’s place at 6:30.”

            Jyn rolled her eyes. “Cassian, it only takes 10 minutes to get there. It’s 6:10. We’ll be fine.”

            She watched as Cassian’s jaw tightened, and she could almost hear him counting to ten in his head. “You know that I like to be early. Plus, it definitely takes longer than ten minutes to get there.”

             When Shara had casually mentioned that they needed a babysitter for Poe, Cassian was ridiculously eager to volunteer. Jyn felt a little more unsure. In theory, she knew all the mechanics of infants, but being left alone to nurture one? That was new territory for her. Fortunately, she had Cassian’s hovering presence to compensate for any potential emotional neglect on her part. He had been reading up on everything about infant development to fully prepare himself for his babysitting duties, and Kay had taken to acting out various activities that would be “appropriately engaging and mentally stimulating for a young infant.”

              Tugging her hair into a ponytail, Jyn indicated that she was ready to go. As they drove over to Shara and Kes’s house, Jyn treated Cassian to a special rendition of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” that had him cringing while trying to hold back laughter.

               Jyn had completed her second appointment with Dr. Yoda the previous day, and she was already feeling a shift in her approach to what scared her. Instead of reflecting on what could happen, she was slowly learning the art of anchoring herself in a moment. Grinning brightly at Cassian, she took his hand in hers and kissed his fingertips. He shot a bright, affectionate grin back at her, never taking his eyes off the road.

               Quietly, he murmured, “I’m so proud of you, Jyn.”

                Blushing, she squeezed his hand in response. She was spared from having to formulate a verbal response by their arrival in the Damerons’ driveway at 6:32 PM. Seeing Jyn’s quick glance at the clock, Cassian smirked. “I told you.”

                “It’s just because you drive like a grandma.”

                Rolling his eyes, Cassian followed her inside.

               Walking into their friends’ home, they were immediately greeted by a wailing Poe. Jyn tensed. She knew that sound anywhere- the sound of a baby in pain. A harried looking Shara bustled out into the entry hall.

             “I’m so sorry, guys. You’ve caught him on a REALLY bad day. He’s teething, he’s refusing to go down for a nap, and he won’t use the teething ring I got him. It’s been like this all day long.”

               Jyn grinned tightly. “Well, I’m a pediatrician- I’m sure I can dig up a few tricks from residency to help get him settled down.”

               Kes came downstairs at that moment. “Shara, I think that we should head out before our unwilling victims wise up to our scheme.”

               Shara swatted at Kes. “There is breast milk in the fridge, and the bottle warmer is next to the stove. There should be plenty of clean bottles for him, but I doubt he’ll be hungry for a while- he just nursed 30 minutes ago. All of his other stuff is up in his room. If you have any questions, just shoot me or Kes a text. Thank you SO much- we haven’t been able to go out by ourselves in months.”

                Kes nodded fervently. He and Shara pressed kisses to Poe’s head and passed him off to Cassian. Jyn schooled her expression as Cassian cringed at the increased volume of Poe’s wails. As soon as the door shut behind their friends, Jyn held out her hands and took Poe from Cassian. Cuddling him to her chest, she gently bounced him around in her arms. Turning to Cassian, she requested that he get an ice cube from the freezer. When Cassian returned, Jyn gently slipped the cube into the baby’s mouth, rubbing it against his swollen gums.

               After a few minutes of this attention, Poe’s cries slowly quieted. Cassian stared at Jyn in amazement. “That was all it took?”

               Jyn nodded calmly. “Some babies don’t like the taste of the plastic on the teething rings. Poe might be one of them.”

               Jyn continued to sway back in forth with Poe, and smiled gently as his lashes fluttered shut. He had exhausted himself from crying so much. Cassian came up behind Jyn, gently stroked his fingers against the baby’s curly locks.

               “You’re so natural with him,” he murmured quietly.

                Jyn grinned. “Yeah, well, pediatric residency did teach me a few things.”

                “Do we want to put him in his crib?” Cassian whispered.

                Jyn looked at the baby affectionately. “No, I just want to hold him for a while. He won’t be this tiny for very long.”

                Cassian nodded with understanding, and they settled in on the couch to watch a movie together.

                 About halfway through the movie, Poe was still sleeping, so Jyn was surprised when Cassian paused it. She raised her eyebrows at him questioningly.

               “You make this look so easy- why are you so worried about whether or not you’ll be a good mother?”

               Jyn inhaled sharply. She and Cassian had discussed at length why the emotional vulnerability of parenthood frightened her, but she had never vocalized her misgivings about her own ability to be a parent. Tenderly fingering Poe’s wispy, dark curls, she watched the baby’s peaceful expression for a time before speaking.

               “I know how to take care of children. Pediatrics residency thoroughly prepared me for that. I’m not scared of changing diapers, knowing how much and when to feed them, caring for them when they’re sick. That stuff is the easy stuff. What scares me is the stuff they don’t teach you in parenting classes or in medical school. How do we raise these babies to be good people? I don’t want my cynicism to bleed through into their lives and taint their perception of the world.”

               Cassian nodded with understanding, lost in thought. After a pregnant pause, he slowly started. “I think that we just have to work hard to make the world a better place for them, and teach them to follow our example.”

                Jyn snorted. “You make it sound so simple.”

                Cassian absentmindedly stroked Poe’s foot with one of his fingers. “I don’t think it will be simple. But it will be worth it.”

                 Jyn scooted towards him and rested her head on his shoulder. She passed Poe to Cassian, who awkwardly fidgeted trying to adjust the baby in his arms. Just as the three of them got settled in, the front door opened.

                  “Ugh, Andor! Don’t scar my baby with all your lovey-dovey PDA!” Kes cried.

                   Shara swatted at his shoulder. “Well it looks like he certainly settled down with you two. Did you slip some Benadryl in his milk?”

                    Jyn laughed. “Nah, just used an old trick I learned from one of my attendings during residency.”

                     Passing the sleeping infant back to Shara, Cassian wrapped an arm around Jyn’s waist. Jyn stretched and yawned. “Time for bed,” she murmured.        

* * *

 

                  Cassian was waking up slowly, pleasantly- something that he wasn’t used to. Frequently, he woke with a start- haunted by nightmares of his traumatic past. This morning was different. He felt warm, wet heat enveloping his hard cock, and gasped out as he felt Jyn swirl her tongue around the head. He groaned when she released him with a filthy slurp, and ran his fingers through her mussed hair as she peeked out from under the bedspread.

                 “What’s all this about?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

                   Jyn grinned lazily, mirth dancing in her eyes. Pressing a kiss to his hipbone, she murmured, “It’s your birthday! I thought I would surprise you.”

                   Hauling Jyn up to kiss her on the lips, Cassian murmured, “Consider me surprised.” Flipping her over, he sat back on his heels and began to run his fingertips against her nipples when her stomach grumbled loudly.

                   Jyn glanced away, blushing bright red. Cassian leaned forward, brushing his lips against her cheekbones. “Food first, sex later. Our children are hungry.”

                   She smiled at him affectionately, taking his hand as he hauled them both out of bed. “I made us breakfast! Another birthday surprise.”

                   Cassian plastered a smile on his face, trying his best to look enthusiastic. He loved Jyn for her compassion, intelligence, quick wit- but cooking was not something he would list in her repertoire of skills.

                   When they arrived in the kitchen, he was assaulted by the odor of burnt food.

                    Jyn gestured to the plates already set at the table. “I bought that chorizo that you like from the store, and made chorizo with scrambled eggs on toast!”

                   Cassian attempted to keep the most neutral mask possible, staring at the pile of flat eggs and burnt sausage in front of him. Pulling Jyn to his side, he pressed his lips to her forehead and murmured, “ _Gracias, mi amor._ It looks fantastic.”

                   Jyn snickered. Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed Cassian. “You are a great liar…. But I know that this turned out terribly. Walking over to one of the kitchen cabinet, she extracted a large, white paper bag. “That’s why I got these for us instead!”

                  Opening the bag, she showed him the donuts she had picked out from their favorite donut shop. His mouth watered at the sight of the maple-bacon donut, and he cradled the crème brulee donut in his hands lovingly as he transferred it to a paper towel.

                 As he sat down at the table to munch on his sugary breakfast, he raised an eyebrow at Jyn skeptically. She was usually racing to scarf down donuts, but was still sitting there, grinning like the cat that got the cream.

                  “Alright, what else do you have up your sleeve?” he asked.

                   Leaning forward to reach into another kitchen cabinet, Jyn pulled out a neatly wrapped package. Setting it on the table next to Cassian, she made an expectant gesture, bouncing on her heels with excitement.

                    “Go ahead, open it!” she encouraged

                    Setting down his donut reluctantly, and wiping his hands on a napkin, Cassian gently unwrapped the present.

                   “You did a very nice job wrapping this,” he murmured.

                     Jyn grinned guiltily. “The wrapping was all Leia.”

                  As the title of the book began to emerge from beneath the wrapping paper, Cassian felt his heart sink. He had desperately wanted this particular onychopathology textbook. Unfortunately, it seemed that now he had two copies. Smiling widely, he exclaimed, “This is exactly what I wanted! Thank you so much, Jyn!”

                Jyn glared suspiciously. “Did Kay already get this for you?”

                Cassian sighed and glanced down at the offending text. “Yes.”

                Jyn groaned with frustration. “I should have known that Kay would get it, too.”

                Cassian clasped her hand reassuringly. “Yes, but you got me donuts.”

                Jyn quirked her lips up into a half-smile, but Cassian could see that she wasn’t fully consoled.

                “ _Querida,_ you’ve already given me more than enough to surprise me for all the birthdays I have left. I never thought I would have a family or a life like this- especially with you! This is more than enough.”

                 Jyn squeezed his hand back. “Are you sure there’s nothing else I can give you? Or _do_ for you?” With the second statement, she gave him an exaggerated wink and hip wiggle.

                 Cassian snickered, giving Jyn a playful swat on the ass. Finishing his donut, he grabbed Jyn’s hand. He laughed as she tried her best to race him down the hallway to the bedroom, dropping clothes as she went. When he arrived at the bedroom door, he was greeted with the very pleasant sight of a naked Jyn sprawled against the sheets, legs spread open invitingly. Pulling his boxers off, Cassian slid up against her, pressing kisses against her shoulders and neck.

                   Shyly, he whispered, “I want to try something new.”

                   Jyn rolled over to look at him, and he felt a blush creep across his cheeks under her cautious gaze.

                   Reaching up to cup her hand against his jaw, Jyn hummed soothingly. “Hey, it’s your day. Don’t be embarrassed.”

                   Turning an even darker shade, Cassian almost buried his face in his pillow before finally breathing out, “I want to rim you.”

                  Jyn pulled back a little, shook her head with confusion. “You want to _what?!”_

                  Cassian looked away abruptly. “I know it’s weird, we don’t have to do it, it’s fine.”

                  Jyn firmly pulled his face back to look at her. “No…. I just have no idea what that is.”

                  His eyes widened. Jyn always appeared so tough and street-smart, totally impervious- he sometimes forgot that she was still innocent in a lot of ways. While Jyn was certainly not a blushing virgin, she had avoided intimacy for most of her life, which left her sexual experiences to a handful of one-night stands and one or two casual boyfriends. Cassian had kept his sex life pretty vanilla with his previous partners, but with Jyn, he couldn’t help but want to try new things. Her ferocity and burning energy drew him in and invigorated his spirit.

                     A quick pinch on his butt drew Cassian out of his thoughts. Jyn raised her eyebrow. “So, what is it that you want to do with me? Do I really have to Google this?”

                    Cassian shook his head, blushing again. “No, no… basically…. I want to lick your ~~anus~~.” Not sexy!

                    Jyn was quiet for a moment, contemplative. Then she murmured, “Sure, why not. Are you sure that you’ll like it?”

                    Cassian kissed her. “Don’t worry about that, I’ll definitely like it.”

                    Jyn rolled over and got on her hands and knees. “Is this good for you?”

                    She seemed a little self-conscious, and Cassian ran his hands down her sides soothingly, taking extra time to smooth his hands over the curve of her ass. Leaning forward, he murmured, “Are you ready?”

                     Jyn nodded, and Cassian pressed his face into her cleft. She gasped out when he pushed his tongue against her asshole, and the surprised gasps quickly subsided into pleasured moans as he slowly worked his tongue against her, pressing firmly and flicking around the edges.

                     Sliding a hand underneath her, he pressed his fingertips against her clit, moving them in smooth circles as he continued to work her open with his tongue. Coming up for air for a moment, he gasped out, “Good?” between breaths.

                     Jyn hummed with satisfaction. “I didn’t think it would feel like that.”

                     Rolling her over onto her back, Cassian slid a pillow up under Jyn’s hips. Jyn spread her thighs wide for him, and Cassian smoothed gentle kisses across her cunt. He sighed as Jyn knotted her fingers into his hair, and leaned forward to lap at her clit. Jyn cried out at the unexpected attention. Cassian grinned against her, before pushing her thighs up so that her ass was exposed. Swirling his tongue against her anus, he began to alternate back and forth. When Jyn begged for Cassian to let her come, he finally relented, firmly flicking his tongue against her clit until she shook apart, wrapping her thighs tightly around his head and jerking her hips against his mouth. As she came down from her high, Cassian kissed her thighs.

                       Sliding up her body, Cassian brushed the head of his cock through her wetness, startling a surprised hiccup of pleasure from his lover. Pressing a kiss to her collarbone, his eyes fluttered shut as Jyn took him in hand and guided him into her. It was his turn for a startled gasp when Jyn suddenly flipped him onto his back so that she was astride him. She was so petite, he often forgot how much strength was hidden beneath her slight frame.

                      Running his hands up her sides, Cassian closed his eyes in pleasure as Jyn rode him with undulating thrusts and slow, delicious squeezes. The images and sensations from rimming Jyn and eating her out coursed through his mind, and he gasped out, “I’m not going to last much longer.”

                      Jyn took his hands in hers, squeezed tightly. She didn’t respond verbally, but Cassian knew that she was giving him permission to let go. When Jyn shifted against him with a little more urgency, he felt himself spilling into her with a hot rush, moaning out as he finished. He quickly reached up, pulled Jyn to him, and she nestled to his side, pressing kisses all over his face and shoulders as his breathing slowed.

                       After a few moments of silence, Cassian murmured, “Let’s go on a trip.”

                       Jyn raised her eyebrows. “Right now?”

                       Cassian shook his head. “No, maybe in a few weeks. I was reading in the baby magazines, and everyone calls it a ‘babymoon’…”

                       Jyn cut him off with a loud snort. “That sounds dumb and cheesy.”

                        Cassian huffed with indignation, “Well, the name is stupid, but this will be our only opportunity to go on a vacation alone before we have children. Don’t act like a week off work with massages and days on the beach doesn’t sound enticing.”  

                        Jyn tried her best to look disinterested, but Cassian could see the spark of intrigue flickering in her eyes.

                        “So where would we go?” she casually inquired.

                        “I was thinking Charleston. Relatively short drive, no flights, lots of restaurants and beaches.”

                         Jyn hummed her acknowledgement. “Charleston could be nice. I haven’t been in a really long time.”

                          Cassian pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Does this mean I should start making plans?”

                           Jyn grinned and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I guess so.”

                           Cassian tipped her chin up and kissed her slowly. Savoring the moment, he only withdrew when he needed to catch his breath. Between small inhalations, he thanked her.

                            “What for?” Jyn questioned, equally breathless.

                            “It’s been a great birthday,” he said.

                             A mischievous smirk made its way across her face. “The day is only getting started,” she teased as she sat up to straddle him.

                              That birthday was a very different birthday for Cassian- the halls of his apartment, filled in previous years by silence or serious conversations with Kay, were instead filled with sounds of laughter, moans, sighs, and cries of pleasure. Cassian could only hope that it was a harbinger of joy for birthdays yet to come.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian go on vacation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!!!!   
> I know it's been an age and a half since I last posted... but Chapter 12 is here!! I have been insanely busy with classes, work, and trying to maintain a social life. Mexico CIty was amazing, I had a wonderful Christmas (I hope you all did too), my boyfriend and I are getting an adorable puppy, and overall, life is quite good. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks to everyone who is still following!
> 
> As always, thanks to RebsRising for being my beta, as well as my best friend for giving her input. :) 
> 
> Until next time!!!

 

            “Come on, Jyn, it’ll be fun!”

            Jyn glared sourly at Leia as she hovered at the entrance to her bedroom. Cassian had made the error of announcing their “babymoon” to Leia, which had prompted Jyn’s two closest friends to insist on another shopping trip.

            “I think that you and I have two very different definitions of ‘fun’,” Jyn grumbled irritably.

            “What are you going to go swimming in? You LOVE to swim at the beach. You at least need a swimsuit!” enthused Bodhi.

            Shifting her glare to him, and feeling only the slightest hint of remorse at Bodhi’s sudden recoil, Jyn hissed, “Well, if I go out on the beach in my current state, then someone will probably call the Coast Guard to report a beached whale.”

            Leia rolled her eyes, “You’re at a very healthy pregnancy weight.”

            Jyn retorted, “Well it doesn’t feel like it when I’ve gained 30 pounds in the past seven months.”

            Bodhi sat down on the edge of the bed and took Jyn’s hand in his own. His voice softened. “Don’t think about your size- just think about how much fun you’ll have with Cassian. Don’t let a little weight gain force you to miss out on the things you love.”

            Jyn flopped back on the bed, feeling defeated. “Okay, let’s go. But no more than two hours- my feet are swollen today.”

            Leia visibly deflated, but nodded with reluctant acquiescence.

            Jyn couldn’t help but smirk at her friends’ disappointment. Sometimes, compromise meant making two people unhappy. Reaching out her hands to Bodhi, she heaved out a gust of air as her friend helped her get back off the bed. Waddling out the door of her bedroom, she called out, “Time starts now!” She grinned at Leia’s indignant squeal from behind her.

* * *

 

            Jyn closed her eyes as she leaned against the headrest in the passenger seat of Bodhi’s Honda Civic. She felt drained, physically and emotionally. Her friends seemed to sense her distress. From behind her, Leia was giving her a scalp massage, and Bodhi had given her shoulder a tentative squeeze as he slid into the driver’s seat.

            Jyn inhaled deeply through her nostrils, the sun-stale air of the vehicle expanding down into her lungs. She was glad that her friends could sense her frustration, but she was equally chagrined that they didn’t seem to understand why.

            When they walked into the maternity section, Leia quickly selected a little black bikini. In the dressing room mirror, Jyn catalogued every stretch mark, the hideous black line running up to her belly button, her swollen ankles and feet. The way her thighs had softened. The loss of definition in her calves. Bodhi and Leia both reassured her that she looked fantastic in the ensemble, but she had ultimately opted for a more modest one-piece. If the store had carried a full body option, she would have chosen that.

            Jyn had never been one to be consumed by vanity. Even now, it wasn’t her looks that bothered her so much. Rather, it was the loss of functionality in her body. She had always worked out because she took pride in her physical prowess. She enjoyed the sheer, raw power of feeling her muscles in motion as she exercised.

            In pregnancy, Jyn felt weak, vulnerable. Gone was the scrappy child who had fought boys on the playground when they teased her for her tangled hair and tattered clothing. She could no longer see the determined young woman who won every cross-country race in college, and took pride in beating any opponent in muay thai. Her body had become a physical manifestation of what she feared most- vulnerability.

            It was these swirling thoughts that continued to plague her throughout the afternoon. She tried her usual cures- Monty Python, ice cream, a slow walk up and down the block- but nothing seemed to quell her worries.

            When she heard the door slam and Cassian’s quick call of her name, she buried herself further under the blanket. As Cassian padded into the living room, she heard him snicker. She slid the blanket down her face just enough to shoot a deathly glare in his direction.

            He threw his hands up in protest. “You looked very cute!”

            Heaving out a groan of frustration, Jyn threw a pillow at him. Cassian barely ducked out of the way in time to avoid the soft projectile. “You are not helping,” she ground out with irritation.

            He watched her quizzically, picking the pillow up off the floor and brushing it off. “I wasn’t aware there was a situation to be helped.”

            Jyn wrapped the blanket around herself more tightly, focusing her gaze on a fraying thread on the couch cushion. Tugging the thread between her fingers, she tensed when Cassian sat beside her.

            “What’s going on, Jyn?” he inquired.

            Grinding her teeth, she got up and walked to the kitchen. As she reached for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer, she briefly considered that eating ice cream all the time would usher in more pounds of unwanted weight. This thought was enough to push her into a fit of tears.

            Cassian wasn’t far behind her. As soon as she started crying, he walked over and wrapped his arms around her. Tired of being contrary, Jyn let herself relax into his embrace. As her crying subsided, she finally spoke.

            “I feel so weak and vulnerable now. I don’t like how my body looks or feels.”

            Cassian stroked her hair out of her eyes, and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Jyn, you look more beautiful than ever.”

            Jyn hissed at his words, and pushed away from him with a palm planted against his chest. “Why doesn’t anyone understand what I mean?”

            Hurt flashed in Cassian’s eyes, and then he snapped, “Well, I can’t understand what you mean if you never tell me!”

            Another white-hot bolt of rage shot up from her stomach, and Jyn briefly clenched his shirt in her fist. As if sensing her anger, one of the babies shot out a firm kick at what felt like her kidney. Gasping in, she grabbed at her side. Cassian’s face immediately morphed to worry, but Jyn waved off his concern. Taking in a deep breath, she finally mumbled, “I feel physically weak. It’s not about beauty for me. It’s about being able to take care of myself, protect myself.”

            Heaving out a heavy sigh, Cassian leaned back against the kitchen island. He was quiet, and Jyn’s anxiety grew by the minute. Finally, he said, “You are as far from weak right now as you could possibly be.”

            Jyn snorted. Gesturing to her rounded abdomen, she clipped out, “Have you seen my body lately? I look like a Teletubby!”

            Cassian rolled his eyes at her exaggeration. “You are growing not one, but _two_ infants inside of you. You’re carrying around an extra thirty pounds of weight every day. In a few months, you’re going to give birth to two babies using the raw power of your muscles. I know that I couldn’t do that. You are the strongest person I know.”

            Jyn snickered, “It’s not like I’ve been given much choice in the matter.” At Cassian’s reproachful stare, she sobered up.

            “I’m just not used to being unable to do all the physical activities I love. I feel too unbalanced to go for runs, I can never catch my breath when I try to power-walk, and it’s pretty much impossible to do a good core workout with a belly like this in the way.”

            Cassian nodded, acknowledging her concerns. “Why don’t we do prenatal yoga together? Just you and me, here at home? Leia did say that it helps a lot of her patients prepare for giving birth. We could find some videos on the internet.”

            Jyn rolled her eyes. “Yoga just seems so boring.”

            Cassian cocked an eyebrow. “What if I stand in front of you so you can look at my butt?”

            She smirked. “Well, that sounds like it could be interesting…”

            Wrapping his arms around Jyn, Cassian kissed her on the forehead again. “C’mon, let’s go to bed. We’ll do our first yoga session in the morning. For now, I just want to ravish you.”

* * *

 

            “I need to do a bathroom stop.”

             Cassian sighed heavily. “We just stopped an hour ago!”

            Jyn growled, “Well, once you have two infants dancing the tarantella on your bladder, you can let me know how well you can control it.”

            Pursing his lips, Cassian grumbled, “Point taken.” Putting on his turn signal, he exited back off the highway, pulling into the nearest gas station. He and Jyn had been driving for three and a half hours, and had done three bathroom breaks thus far. Suddenly, the travel restrictions for pregnant women made more sense to him. He suspected they may be as much for the partner’s sanity as the woman’s comfort.

            Jyn was just beginning her third trimester, and with its arrival had come the expected restlessness and insomnia. Unfortunately, her insomnia extended over to him. Jyn would wake him up periodically throughout the night. Sometimes she wanted to have sex, sometimes she wanted him to turn the thermostat up or down, and sometimes she just wanted him to help her shift into a comfortable position. The first few nights had been tolerable, but now the exhaustion was beginning to set in.

            As Jyn returned to the vehicle, Cassian smiled at her and clasped her hand in his free one. They only had an hour until they arrived in Charleston, and he was starting to get very excited at the prospect of this vacation.

            Cassian didn’t typically take vacations. He was tirelessly devoted to his job, always working later, publishing more papers, and being at the ready for surgery sign outs. The last time he had taken any sort of vacation was five years previously, after he completed his pediatric pathology fellowship. His residents that had completed their boards convinced him to go with them on a celebratory bender in New Orleans. He remembered very little of that vacation- unfortunately, his bank account remembered it vividly.

            He was brought back to attention by Jyn poking at his shoulder. “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate was playing from her phone, and when he turned to look at her, he was treated to Jyn attempting to seduce him through a dance featuring exaggerated eyebrow waggles, suggestive tongue movements, and overtly sexual gyrations. Breaking out into a grin, Cassian tangled the fingers of his free hand into her hair, and pulled her to him to plant a kiss on her head.

            The next hour slid by in a blur, and soon they were pulling into the garage of the home that Cassian had booked for the week. As soon as the door to the house was unlocked, Jyn burst through the door like an angry wildebeest, frantically searching for the bathroom. Cassian dutifully carried their bags inside- fortunately, they were both light packers.

Once Jyn was done in the restroom, Cassian slipped in to freshen up. When he came back out, he found Jyn sprawled out across the couch in an olive green bra with a matching set of panties. Unfortunately, the long ride in the car seemed to have exhausted her. She was fast asleep, loose tendrils of hair lazily drifting down her cheek, and hands comfortably settled over her abdomen. Her lips were slightly parted, and Cassian smiled at how peaceful she looked- probably the only time that adjective could be used to describe Jyn. Smiling softly, he grabbed a blanket from the end of the couch and pulled it over her. Then he crept off to the bedroom to take a nap of his own.

* * *

 

           When Cassian woke up, it was still light outside, but there was now a warm weight pressed up against his body. Gently rolling over, he saw that Jyn had climbed into bed with him and fallen back asleep. He checked his watch. It was 3:30- they had slept almost three hours. He felt a brief pang of guilt, but quickly smothered it. He and Jyn were here to relax and enjoy the time together in peace, but old habits die hard, and the workaholic in him yearned to go to his computer, log into Epic, and look through patient records.

            As if she could hear his thoughts, Jyn stirred from her slumber. Reaching out, she wrapped a bare arm around his waist and tugged him closer to her body. Tipping her face up, she gratefully accepted a deep kiss from Cassian. She quietly moaned as his lips drifted across her jaw and down her neck. Slipping his fingers into the cups of her bra, he played gently with her nipples, alternating between tugs and flicks that had her arching into his touch. She pulled at the hem of his shirt, helping him to slip it over his head, but when Cassian made a trail with his lips down her abdomen, Jyn stopped him.

            “I want you inside me,” she murmured, stroking his cheek with her thumb.                                                                                                                                                                                 

            Jyn shifted so that her back was pressed to his chest. As Cassian gently slid into her, she reached back and gripped his thigh.

            While Cassian usually preferred watching Jyn’s face when they had sex, there was something undeniably intimate about the way their bodies were pressed together in this position. When Jyn gasped and begged for him to move deeper, he helped her drape her leg back across his thigh so that she opened wider to him. Her resulting moans nearly made him come apart. Face pressed into her neck, he lightly nipped at her earlobe, and inhaled the scent of her hair deeply. He smoothed his hand along the inside of her thigh, gently massaging it. He bit his lip as he felt her responding clench. Sliding his hand further upward, his fingers played with her clit lazily. Sharp pants slipped from Jyn’s lips, and he shifted his hips more quickly in response.  He moaned lowly, savoring the soft clutch of her around him. He moved his fingers more quickly against her clit as he felt the telltale flutter of her walls. Her body tensed and arched against him in response.

            “I want to come for you,” she gasped, higher and more needy than usual.

            Growling, Cassian suddenly pulled out of her; an indignant whine slipped from Jyn’s lips in response. Grasping Jyn’s hips, he shifted her onto her knees and quickly pushed back in. Slipping his hand back between her legs, he pressed more insistently against her clit. Draping his body over her back and shoulders, he took the shell of her ear in his teeth.

            “ _Quiero que te corras_ ,” he demanded, thrusting more insistently.

            Spreading his thighs apart to balance himself, he ran his fingers through Jyn’s hair- then roughly clutched it in his fist, pulling her head back in a way that he knew would drive her crazy.

            “ _Fuck,_ Cassian,” she cried out.

            “Let go,” he murmured back to her, rubbing tight circles against her clit as he felt her thighs shake against his.

            In that moment, her torso pitched forward and he felt her clench tightly around him. He was blinded with pleasure at the sensation, distantly hearing her moaning his name. Bucking against her, he began to let go, but the next words out of Jyn’s mouth made his heart stop.

            “ _I love you_ ,” she gasped out.

            Cassian was vaguely aware of the rolling waves of his orgasm, the feeling of Jyn contracting around him, but his physical pleasure was nothing compared to the happiness that engulfed him. As the intensity subsided and a languid relaxation flowed through every muscle fiber, Cassian slid his hands forward along Jyn’s rounded belly. Feeling a little foot kick in response to his touch, he pushed his chest flush with Jyn’s back, inhaling the lemony scent of her shampoo and grinning into her neck. Jyn hummed with content, and laced her fingers with Cassian’s as he rolled them onto their sides.

            They laid there in silence for a few moments, Cassian lightly running his fingertips along her taut stomach, both of them laughing at the responding kicks that followed his touches. Finally, Cassian broke the silence.

            “I love you, too,” he murmured in her ear, kissing the spot right below her earlobe after speaking.

            Jyn’s breath caught in her throat. Rolling over to face Cassian, she whispered, “I haven’t said that in a long time. Never to anyone like…”

            When her speech faltered, Cassian cleared his throat. Running his fingers along the edge of her jaw, he murmured, “The same for me.”

            Jyn tipped her face up towards Cassian, and he swooped in to gently catch her lips in his. Jyn’s stomach grumbled, and Cassian couldn’t help the snicker that escaped. Jyn pulled back and pursed her lips, eyes squinting into a glare. Unfortunately for her, her fierce glance had the exact opposite of the intended effect- Cassian burst into outright laughter. Pressing a swift kiss to her forehead, he rolled out of the bed.

            Padding softly to the kitchen, he began to sift through the grocery bags that he had brought in earlier. He methodically set aside tomatillos, onions, garlic, tortillas, and cotija, instinctively going through the motions of preparing chilaquiles. As he set the tomatillos in a skillet to simmer, he basked in the warmth of Jyn’s words. A pleasurable shiver ran down his spine as the memories from moments earlier replayed in his mind.  Humming softly, he heated a little bit of oil in a skillet. Swaying gently, feeling totally relaxed, he barely detected Jyn quietly approaching.

            “Nice ass,” she murmured, sliding her hand down the sharp planes of his shoulders.

            Grinning softly, he said, “I’m making your favorite.”

            He felt Jyn tucking her head up under his arm to peek around his side; he laughed when Jyn groaned with delight. Turning around, he asked, “Would you like to watch?”

            Picking Jyn up, Cassian helped her settle herself onto the countertop next to the stove.

* * *

 

            Jyn wiggled, the cold granite counter feeling a little too cool under her bottom. She observed with interest as Cassian walked to the sink and turned on the faucet. When he dipped his long, slender fingers into the running stream of water, Jyn bit her lip. Cassian nimbly spun around, and flicked the water off his fingers and into the frying pan. When the droplets sizzled and popped off the oil in the pan, he quickly grabbed a slice of tortilla, and set it into the hot oil.

            The scent of the tortilla gently frying made Jyn’s mouth water. After a few moments of listening to the tortillas sizzle, she asked “Where’d you learn to make these?”

            Running her fingers through her hair, she shyly watched him, unsure if she may have elicited painful memories of his family. Feeling the warmth of his fingers tangling with hers, Cassian’s voice emerged in a quiet rumble.

            “I learned when I was working in an…. I’m not entirely sure of the English word, we called them _ambulantes,_ in Chiapas. An old man hired me to help him prepare tamales and chilaquiles every morning. I’d get up at 4 every morning before school and help make them. One of the women who also worked for him taught me the water trick to make sure the oil was hot enough for frying tortillas.”

            Turning back to the pan, he quickly flipped the slice over in the hot oil. Jyn sat contentedly on the counter watching him work, her excitement growing as the pile of fried tortilla slices grew higher and higher on the plate. When he presented the final product, delicious slices of tortilla doused in a flavorful salsa, she scarfed it down with unbridled enthusiasm.

* * *

 

            As Jyn obscenely licked the final traces of salsa from her plate, Cassian watched with amusement. Breaking the held silence, he said, “I thought we could go out to the ocean and watch the sunset?”

            Jyn’s eyes lit up like a child at Christmas. He contained his laughter as she waddled rapidly towards the bedroom where their suitcases were.

            After they were both suited up, they walked out towards the shore. Once Jyn reached the waterline, she waded in just deep enough to soak her feet and ankles. Following her out, Cassian called, “How’s the water?”

            Looking at him over her shoulder, Jyn gave him a dazzlingly carefree smile, and yelled back, “It feels _amazing_ , Cassian. Hurry up!”

            Coming up behind Jyn, he wrapped his arms around her, settling his palms against her belly. As the sun settled towards the horizon, he murmured in her ear, “I love you so much. You are so beautiful.”

            Jyn squeezed his hands in hers, and whispered back, “I love you too. Thank you. For everything.”

            And with the sunset bathing them in golden-pink light, Cassian didn’t think he had ever felt so at peace.

             

 

 

           

**Author's Note:**

> That's it for Chapter 1! I'll be updating once a week for now, it may become twice a week depending on how my writing pace is in the coming weeks... Thanks for reading!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at cowzforlife! I blog a lot of RebelCaptain stuff, as well as politics, science, nature, and cooking. :)


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